"The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald


It was strange, the way my eyes seemed to automatically flick towards him as he entered the Great Hall. The confident superiority that always envelops him has disappeared and the swagger he usually walks with has been erased as the year goes on.

Draco Malfoy is not who he once was.

He freezes, his quick stride coming to a stop when he sees me for some reason, but he does not move his eyes from mine. The noise of the Great Hall fades into the background and I cannot help but think that there is something in him, swirling in his eyes, resting on his shoulders that is making the Malfoy I hate older, wearier than anyone our age should feel.

I ignore the part of me that tells me that it is the same look Harry wears when he thinks no one can see him, choosing to let my eyes wander over Malfoy, taking note of how his skin, paler than ever before, is a startling contrast to his now-dull grey eyes and the darkness that rests underneath them. He looks ill and tired and lonely, and some traitorous part of me wants to help him and so I ignore that too. Glancing around, I tug some of my curls from my face before glaring back at Malfoy.

.

He is still staring at me with that terrified look on his face and my mind has just barely registered the fact that no one has even glanced our way when Malfoy is turning around, stumbling slightly on the stone floor before he tears his eyes from my own, releasing me from his trapped gaze before walking away at a panicked pace that appears to be becoming faster.

I vaguely hear myself mumble a quiet excuse to Harry and Ron through the pounding in my ears, already after him, and I pretend I don't see the curious looks sent after me as I hurry from the Great Hall.

"Probably going to the library like always." I can hear Ron say faintly as I rush after Malfoy. I suddenly regret not asking someone else to come before I realise that Malfoy wasn't carrying a wand and I am.

My Mary Jane's are quietly tapping against the floor as I hurry down the corridors, Malfoy just at the edge of my vision. Darting past a group of Ravenclaws, I mutter an apology when I bump into one of them and race past to find the lone figure hurrying down the empty hall, watching as he jerks at the knot of his green tie as if it is trying to choke him, his movements sudden and hurried. He turns a corner and I almost gasp, instead letting out some strange noise from deep in my throat as he lurches unsteadily, as if he is drunk before he enters the boy's lavatory.

I do not know why I feel concerned for Malfoy's well-being. He's never been concerned about mine. In fact, he's made me feel like I am useless and I shall never belong in a world where people judge your magical ability based on your parents, not on how well you can cast a spell or make a potion. Malfoy's made me feel like I am not wanted and that I am not intelligent.

But then again, I am not called the brightest witch of our year for no reason. I have the highest marks in all my classes and I have proven, over and over, that I do belong. So why can't I be the bigger person and help him though he's never done anything good for me before?

I take in a deep breath, ending the rant happening inside my head, before cautiously walking in, my wand held tightly by my side, my book bag lying forgotten on the ground behind me.

And I freeze as I watch him stagger forward, his hair ruffled and his tie hanging haphazardly from his neck. He scrabbles with the tap frantically, his breaths shuddering with every intake. The fist not holding my wand unravels and I have the strange urge to run my fingers through his hair and calm him but I resist, clenching my hand so hard that my fingernails leave half-moons where they have dug into the soft skin of my palm.

Malfoy splashes his face with the water streaming from the tap, hands gripping the marble basin so tightly that even from where I stand, tucked away from sight, I can see the way the skin across his knuckles tightens and turns tears off his sweater vest as if it is too warm even though the bathroom is as cold as ice. He is hyperventilating, strangled, heart-wrenching noises coming from him, much like a trapped animal would make, and for a second, Draco Malfoy is nothing more than than a hurt animal in pain to me.

I can physically feel my body lurch forward to help him at the thought, but he doesn't notice, sinking to the ground and then trying to get up as soon as he hits it, as if his body is trying to do what his mind is telling him, but he is thinking to fast to act on it. His fingers have threaded into his blond hair and pull on messy strands of hair as if they were a lifeline before reaching out again and grabbing the basin. Malfoy stares at his crazed reflection, chest heaving but he doesn't seem to notice me though I am now in his sight, instead blinking furiously at the broken mirror.

He raises his face to the ceiling and smiles helplessly before it disappears from his face and then Malfoy is crying, sucking in air desperately. My eyes widen at the sight, one I never even imagined I would see and I am suddenly just feet away from him, hand outstretched as if I were trying to help someone who was drowning, because in a sense, Malfoy is drowning in something that seems to be much worse than water.

His entire body shudders as he presses a fist against his mouth in an attempt to stifle his cries but he seems to give up, pressing his hand back against the marble basin. I am still where I stand, arms wrapped around myself and I can't help but feel as if I want to cry too because something has broken him and Malfoy is the one constant I have had since the first year of Hogwarts to keep me grounded- a cold, cruel, hurtful constant, but a constant nonetheless. Something I could rely on being the same in my ever changing world. And now I don't have even that.

He is whispering something and I step forward to hear him better.

"No, please, I can't do it, I can't, I can't. I have to but I can't, don't hurt them, I can't, please."

Draco Malfoy is pleading and I clench my jaw tightly because it so very much makes me want to make everything that is making him feel this way stop, because even though the things he has said to me in the past feel like knives, they have never done anything to make me feel as he looks right now.

I step forward, moving closer before my courage leaves me, and lay a hand against his shoulder. His reaction is immediate.

He whirls around and presses me against the wall of the bathroom, and I can feel the cold leach from the wall through the thin, white button -down I am wearing to my back and I shiver slightly. He doesn't say anything just stares at me with wild eyes and I strangely feel as though I am in no danger and I relax, letting my wand fall to the ground. For a split second, his eyes dart to the only way of escaping and my wand before they flit back to me and slowly, as if not to scare him, I press my hands against the hard muscle of his chest and push him from me. He stumbles back and I frown, for I know that he is strong enough to pin me back against the wall but he doesn't.

"Malfoy. Malfoy," I take in a breath when he raises his eyes to meet mine, his panting starting to slow to a normal pace,"Are you alright?"

He gapes at me, almost incredulously, before looking away, feet edging ever closer to the door.

" I'm wonderful. Just bloody brilliant, Mudblood. You can go now, run along and tell Potter and the Weasel all about how you found me." He spits out the words with a snarl before laughing bitterly and clenching his jaw. Raising my hands in front of me as if to surrender, I suddenly think of Dumbledore.

"I won't tell, Malfoy. I won't say a word. It might not mean much to you, but I give you my word that I won't say anything. Just- just tell me if you need help. Or Dumbledore, I swear he will help you if you need it." I force my words out, and they sound shaky but they are clear and I know he can hear them when I see his tear-stained cheeks go up as he smiles at me sarcastically. He moves further back and towards the door, still shuddering from the breakdown he just went through.

"That daft old twit cannot help me, and you can't eithe- no, wait, you can help me! You want to know how, Granger?" he replies, his voice filled with sarcasm and mock-excitement.

I have a feeling that I will regret it, but I nod slowly, narrowing my eyes when he sneers.

"By leaving me the hell alone." His voice escalates and I open my mouth to say something in response but he is gone, his sweater vest lying forgotten on the floor and the tap still running.

I pick up his sweater and stride after him, as if it would be a good excuse to stop him because something in me wants to help Malfoy even though he doesn't deserve any help at all, but he is gone and I am left standing in the corridor alone with my wand and book bag lying on the ground, holding Malfoy's sweater.


AN: I've had some people ask about why I'm not updating AWMOOS, but my Doc Manager won't let me post new chapters. I even tried it on my other fanfic, Cherry Wine, but that didn't seem to work either. Sorry about the wait! Has anyone else had this happen to them or does the world just hate me in particular ;) ? Here's to hoping that I can at least be able to update this fanfic.

Thanks for reading and/or reviewing!

Love, Annemarie