I own none of the characters. Harry Potter and his band of magical miscreants belong to J. K. Rowling. All the bloodsucking vampires, howling werewolves, and Bella belong to Stephanie Meyer. Robert Pattinson is supposedly property of his own self, despite the millions of screaming girls who have laid claim to him. And now, without further ado,
Harry Potter VS Twilight
The wizards of Hogwarts are on a little field trip to Forks, Washington when they come across a coven of Vampires. At first every thing seems to be going rather well. That is until the Weasley twins decide to prank Emmett. Emmett then retaliates with a prank of his own and a full out Prank War is on! Jasper and Alice become involved as does Ron, and the prank war escalates. Still it remains all in good fun. Then, one prank goes a little too far ending with the Weasely's insulting Alice's honor. This prompts Jasper to challenge them to a duel to the death, 1865 style yo! The weasley's foolishly accept and the Vampire vs. Wizard smack down has begun!
Fred: Just wait till we're through with you, you blood-sucking sods!
Emmett: Oh yeah? You gonna zap us with you're little sticks? Ooh! Scary!
George: Go on then! You'll be crawling back into you're coffins by noon!
The Weasley's and the Cullen's go off to their separate corners if you will to go prepare for the upcoming battle.
Emmett: Oh they are sooo going down.
Alice: Oh yeah. We are totally going to kick their butts!
Jasper: I don't know, they've got brooms.
(Both Alice and Emmett turn to look at him, look back at each other, shrug, and continue on)
SCENE CHANGE!
Hermione: Have you three, completely lost your minds! Challenging vampires to a death match? You're going to get yourselves killed!
Ron: Oh come on, we can take them!
Hermione: You can't be serious! The rest of the coven is sure join the fight and you can't possibly believe that three wizards in training could best seven vampires!
Ron: There are seven of them? (to Fred and George) I'm not so sure about this fellas.
Fred: Don't worry we'll be fine!
George: That's right, we've got Harry Potter on our side.
(everyone looks to Harry who has been sitting quietly till now)
Fred: Whaddya say Harry?
George: Come on!
Hermione: Harry, you can't encourage this nonsense!
Ron: Harry, you know I'd do the same for you.
Harry: Alright, I'm in.
Hermione: Ugh!
Neville: Well if Harry's in I'm in too.
Luna: This experience could be quite, interesting.
(everyone looks to Hermione)
Hermione: (rolls her eyes) Fine, but if we all die then don't say I didn't tell you so!
Harry: Great, then that's seven against seven. If we can get Cedric to join too we'll have eight. I'll go find him!
Meanwhile back at the ranch…er…Cullen house,
Carlisle: I can't believe you challenged them to a duel. Having friends in the wizarding world could have greatly helped us, with our situation with the Volturi. I won't be a part of this fight.
Esme: I'm afraid I have to agree with Carlisle.
Rosalie: Well I'm not about to let a bunch of humans with magic tricks think they can beat us!
Emmett: I knew you'd be with us Rose!
Seth: Hey I'd be up for a fight! It'd be good to get some action around here!
Emmett: That'd be great.
Alice: What! No!
Jasper: Settle down Alice
Alice: Ugh! I hate not seeing!
Jasper: Do you think Jacob and Leah might help?
Seth: Oh we don't need them! Please! Let's leave them out of this. They'll just spoil the fun!
Emmett: Yeah probably. Besides we've got five, including Seth, and Edward will make six. That should be plenty to take them.
Seth: Yes! So where is Edward anyway?
Alice: Somewhere with Bella.
Emmett: Well Duh!
Alice: (giggles) I'll go get him.
Somewhere in the woods
Harry: So you see Cedric, we could really use you in the fight. What do you say?
Robert Pattinson: I don't know Harry I'll have to think about this. Why don't you go to the others. I'll catch up later.
Harry: Alright.
Harry exits
Alice enters
Alice: Edward! I'm so glad I found you
Robert Pattinson: What's up Alice?
(Rob reads her mind and figures out the situation)
Robert Pattinson: Challenging Wizards to a duel. (rolls eyes) I don't know, this seems pretty serious.
Harry enters
Harry: Cedric, quickly we need you.
Alice: Edward, what is this idiot talking about?
Robert Pattinson: Wait…I'm confused.
Later
Alice and Harry are both pulling on Robert Pattinson.
Alice: He's coming with us! Right Edward?
Harry: No he's coming with us! Right Cedric?
Robert Pattinson: Ow.
Alice: He's a vampire!
Harry: No, he's a wizard!
Robert Pattinson: Ow!
Alice: Vampire!
Harry: Wizard!
Robert Pattinson: OW!
Both let go of Rob.
Robert Pattinson: Look you two trying to rip me to shreds is not helping anything. Tell you what, I'll be back in a little while.
(goes off taking Harry Potter book series and Twilight book series with him. Harry and Alice are left staring at each other)
Alice: you wanna thumb wrestle?
Harry: Sure, why not?
After several hours of thumb wrestling…
Enter Robert.
Harry: Well Cedric have you made you're decision on who you are?
Robert: (sighs)Yes I have.
Alice smiles triumphantly, seeing the future.
Robert: You see Harry, I'm in one book out of eight in your series and at the end of it I get murdered by Voldemort. In Twilight, I'm the leading male in all four books. I have a clumsy but adorable girlfriend, who all though continues to get herself into dangerous predicaments, ends up becoming my wife and a sexy vampire. Not to mention, I have tons of adoring fan girls. Sorry Harry, but I'm pretty sure I want to be Edward Cullen a lot more then I want to Cedric Digory.
Harry: But Cedric!
Robert turns into Edward
Edward: It's Edward now. I'll try not to kill you though, Harry.
(Edward runs his hand through his sexy Edward hair, and speeds off into the distance toward the Cullen house, Alice after sticking out her tongue at Harry does the same.)
Baseball field. Wizards are lined up on their side. Harry, Ron, Fred, and George are on brooms. The rest stand with wands at the ready. On the other side the Cullen's and Seth as a wolf are lined up in crouching attack positions. Bella, having heard about the fight is watching interestedly, from the sidelines. The Weasley twins and Emmett and Jasper go to the middle of the field.
Emmett: It's not too late to back out now and spare yourselves the humiliation.
Jasper: (smiling wickedly) as well as your eminent demise
George: Ha! You wish!
Fred: You'll be begging us to stake you by time we're through with you.
(Emmett and Jasper both roll their eyes)
Jasper: Very well then.
(both go back to their sides of the field)
They fight. It is epic. It is so epic in fact that there cannot possibly be a description of it, and so there will be none. : P
Fine, I'll give you the short run down. The Vampires attack. There is much spell casting and wand gesturing as well as snarling, leaping, dive bomb broom attacks, crazy acrobatic maneuvers, hair pulling, biting, clawing, mud wrestling, food flinging, fire hosing, car chasing, flame throwing, shoot outs, tank attacks, grenade launching, quick break for tea time, and finally the slapping with fishes.
Told you it was epic.
Then Dumbledore and Professor Lupin arrive with Carlisle, Sam and Jacob.
Sam: What is going on here?
Everyone: (Hides fishes behind backs) Nothing
Bella: (Who has by this time joined in the action) I don't even know anymore. It started going nuts after the mud wrestling.
Jacob: Seth! Get over here!
(Seth obeys, and everyone begins to settle down)
Hermione: (to Rosalie) You know, you were pretty handy with that machine gun.
Rosalie: Thanks, by the way, where'd you learn to drive a tank?
Harry: (To Edward) That muggle is your girl friend eh? Well don't ever make her mad when there's a flame thrower around.
Bella blushes.
Edward: I'll keep that in mind.
Much of the same sort of conversation goes on and by the end all are friends and Sam, Jacob, and Seth are insisting on werewolf lessons from Professor Lupin. All is well until…
Harry: GAAAAAAAARRRRGHH!
Edward: What's wrong with him?
Hermione: Oh no! it's his scar! He's coming! He-who-must-not-be-named!
Wizards: GASP!
Emmett: What's up with them?
Alice: (sees vision) nevermind that!
Edward: (reads Alice's mind) Bella get behind me.
Rosalie: What is it?
Edward: We're about to get a visit from Italy
Vampires: GASP!
Sam: Wait, what?
Jacob: I don't know but I'm pretty sure it's a bad thing
(they change into wolves)
Then Voldemort and his evil minions as well as the Volturi and their evil minions appear. They see each other.
Voldemort: What is this?
Caius: Who are you?
Marcus: I don't care
Aro: Well I do!
Aro skips over to Voldemort, whistling. Voldemort stares at this in wonderment then shrugs and goes up to greet Aro.
Aro: We are here to destroy these vampires. Why are you here?
Voldemort: I'm here to destroy these wizards. Would you like to join me?
Aro: Can we suck out their blood when we're done?
Voldemort: knock yourself out!
Aro: Oh what fun! Let's begin!
The Volturi and Voldemorts crew attack and because I have gotten bored with the story all the wizards, vampires, and werewolves are slaughtered.
The end. :)
