I felt hollow without him.

My Sparkmate, My love, My everything.

Jazz was gone. Ratchet couldn't get him back online.

That was a few months back, but it still felt like yesterday. I was once again waiting…

I don't know what I was waiting for…

Death?

No. I had come too far, been through too much to just give up.

But I still sat waiting…

Ratchet and I had grown closer since Jazz's off-lining. I couldn't bring myself to say that word… yet.

It was harder for Ratchet and I to deal with Jazz's off-lining, Ratchet blamed himself for not trying harder, for not fighting harder, not protecting him. No matter what I said, even when he agreed with me, deep down in his spark somewhere, the unnecessary guilt plagued him, haunted him…

It was the day Ratchet and I fought for the first time. I was irritable and tired, I hadn't been recharging well, so I went to see Ratchet. It had started out as a small fight, but everything blew out of proportion. He and I shouted, going so far as ignoring Optimus's orders for us to stop. We vented out all we felt to each other, How we blamed ourselves, not each other, but we felt that we were being blamed by one another. The argument ended with both of us stomping off in different directions.

From what I later heard, the others had stood in a shocked silence. Nobody had moved, Ironhide told me, for several moments.

It was weeks before we had spoken again. I was still not recharging well, and it was getting worse, my spark tickled badly and I was irritable, which was not my nature.

Optimus had sent me an order through the com-link telling me to meet him in the board room. I waited there for him patiently, but he didn't come. Instead when the door swished open, Ratchet was shoved in by the twins. The doors swished closed and locked. But it locked with a beep. Optimus had sealed us in, and only he could unlock the doors now. His voice crackled over the com-link. He told us that we would not leave this room till we had sorted the argument. And then he was gone.

Ratchet and I sat for hours at the opposite ends of the room. I had said what I felt, and so had he, so neither of us felt that we had anything to apologise for. But clearly we weren't getting out of here. As I sat contemplating what to say, Ratchet spoke. He whispered my name, not my human name, Leeah, but the nickname Jazz had given me, which became my Autobot name, Sunspark. I looked at him with teary optics, and he got up and hugged me tightly as best he could with his hulking frame. He whispered he that he was so sorry, and I nodded my helm tiredly.

It seemed forever that I stood with the medic, till my spark tickled again. I pulled away from him and gripped my breastplate. He watched me for several moments, till he scanned me. His optics grew large, and shouted for Optimus over the com-link urgently.

I began to panic!

What was going on? What was the matter with me?

It must have been serious, because Optimus had unlocked the door and every Autobot ran in, all on high alert.

Ratchet still stared at me. Optimus demanded to know what was going on. Ratchet walked over to me and rested his hand gently on my shoulder.

"She's carrying a sparkling."