One Shot

He kissed me, what the hell did he kiss me for. Was it because I
helped him with Faye? God I am so confused. The last thing I want is
to hurt him and that's what I do, I hurt the people I love.

I hurt him the first time and I Hurt him when I tried to break him and
Faye up. Every good thing I touch turns to crap. He has a son now, a
beautiful baby boy. Come on Jac leave him be and let him have the life
he has always wanted with his son.

"Miss Naylor" Great just what I need Sister Jackson being her normal
Donna self.

"SisterJackson what can I do for you?" She seemed somewhat
apprehensive about talking to me. "I don't have all day" I snapped at
her. Ok so I didn't mean to snap but my mood at the moment did not
give me the strength to deal with her being so chipper.

"Mr Hanssen came looking for you while you were gone. Where were you
anyway?" Does Joseph want them to know I was with him. And what the
hell does Hanssen want with me.

"I had a family emergency." You don't have family they know that...god
you really are an idiot aren't you, ok grit your teeth an bear it.

"What kind of family emergency?" why is she interfearing? Leave it
alone.

"A kind that involves family. What other one is there? Was there
something you wanted?" Her smile dropped as she looked at me.

"Sorry, I just didn't think you had any fami...never mind, umm, Mr
Levy was looking for you aswell, He said it was urgent!" I can not
handle Sasha and his jolly green giant routine when all I can think
about is Joseph's lips and his Tongue.

"Alright I will find him." she nodded and walked out the room.

I forgot how much of an amazing kisser Joseph was. His lips and mine
just fit perfectly. NO Jac stop it you are going to tell him No, what
happened was a mistake to never be repeated.

You and Joseph can not work remember you tried it once and everything
got screwed up because you SLEPT WITH HIS FATHER!

That might cause a little bit of conflict in the relationship. You are
going to walk out of here and tell Joseph NO! You can't risk your
heart again or his, it is inevitable that one of you will be hurt.
First I need to find Sasha.

As I walk out I slammed into said Jolly Green Giant, ok I guess I
don't have to find him.

"Hey I was just coming to find you,I heard you were..." I was abruptly
cut off by him dragging me back into the staff room. "Sasha...what the
hell?" he shushed me...actually shushed me, I haven't been shushed by
anyone in a really long time.

"Did I see what I think I seen, I think I did see but I wanted you to
you know tell me and confirm what I saw incase it was someone else I
saw which i dont think it is because I know you and know what you look
like, but I need to make sure I'm not barking up the wrong tree here
and hallucinating, so did I see what I think I seen because I think I
did, see, do you see?" OK none of that sentance I understood at all
what the hell kind if crack is Sasha smoking?

"What? I have no idea what you said that was completely mental. Have
you been drinking?" Ok I have never saw him look more serious than he
is now. I let out a small smile and a gunuine laugh before he held
onto my shoulder.

"Sasha what is going on?" He looked at me straight at me and he had a
small flicker of excitement in his eyes.

"I saw you kiss Joseph or rather we saw him kiss you." We who the
he'll is we?

"We?" he was scared or pissed off I'm not sure which. An then he let
go of my shoulders but never broke eye contact.

"I was walking with Michael, Mark, Elliot and Connie to see Faye and
we kind of saw you talking and well seen what happened. After Connie
told us you left and then I saw you, Joseph and Faye come in the front
doors and knew something was up so we went over and heard you talking
and then saw him kiss you." CRAP! There is no bloody privacy in this
place.

"OK look the kiss didn't mean anything ok Joseph and I are long over
ok. In fact I was just going to see him and tell him exactly that,
that we are over and done. We missed our chance you know." he nodded
but didn't think he looked like he was finished.

"Jac I know about what happened, you know the hospital talks and I
just didn't understand how either of you could risk putting your heart
on the line again. Even if you are meant to be together."

He has a point, Joseph and I are both Tempestuous by nature so if you
add fuel to the fire no matter how much I care about him nothing can
compare to how much we would both be damaged if it didn't work out a
second time. We would both be heartbroken

"Look Sasha I appreciate that you care, I really do you are a good
friend, but Joseph and I have a history that nobody understands. All
they know is the brief version of me sleeping with his father and me
being the villian. I have been all too happy to play the villian
because it has been alot less exhausting that smiling and trying to
tell people any different. It's my nature Sasha, I can't change who I
am." ok that little rant was alot longer than I anticipated.

"I get that Jac. I get that you have history ad you need to know that
I will not tell a soul. Connie Beauchamp doesn't gossip neither does
Mark Williams. Mr Spence will rip the piss out of you any chance he
gets but it could have been one of the nurses that seen you." he has a
point then it would spread like wildfire.

"I know and anyway it won't happen again." he had a small smile on his
face showing he was planning something.

"Jac I have a feeling this will all work out...ok...I need to go. See
you later." As he walked out his smile got bigger.

"Sasha no interfearing I mean it." all I got was a vague hand gesture
as he walked away. This is not good. I turned on my heel and walked
into the locker room.

"No interfearing in what?" how does he always manage to sneek up on me.

"Umm a patient he was interfearing
On a case." I was at one side of the room and he was on the other. The
tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"How are you?" ok small talk I can handle small talk.

"I'm fine, how's Faye and the baby?" He looked exhausted he nodded ad
ran his hand through his hair which I have to admit was incredibly sexy.

"He's good, you should come see him sometime." I nodded and smiled

"Yeah I will but I should warn you it has been a while since my baby
skills have been put to the test." he smiled at me

"I wasn't aware you had baby skills." I can see why that shocks him.

"Yeah well three years in the foster system helps with children of all
ages, me being one of the oldest so I had to help put alot." he nodded
and I noticed we had gravitated towards each other, without even
trying he was sitting on the arm on the chair directly Infront of me.
I was leaning against the door of my locker.

"Well we will need to regenerate these baby skills of yours." I only
smiled and nodded. Not trusting my voice.

His face looked serious.

"Can we.."

"I need to talk to..." we began at the same time.

"You first..." I said

"No you..." He said

"Joseph about earlier let's just forget it happened ok it was just a
momentary lapse in judgement and you were sad and stressed and I was
there so maybe it was that...look we have a very complicated
relationship, bottom line this will never work we are too different
ok..." he silenced me by boxing me in with his arms leaning into me
against the locker.

"Can I talk or do you want to ramble some more?" I sighed and let a
deep breath out I didn't even know I was holding.

"Joseph..." he shushed me that is the second time that has happened
today and I still don't like it.

"Jac...please let me speak." he looked to me for confirmation. I only
nodded

"First of all why are you nervous?" I wasn't aware that I was.

"I'm not nervous" I said trying to den it as I was shaking my head.

"Jac your trembling." ok I didn't even notice I was shaking. I was
hoping he would change the subject if I didn't say anything.

"Look i just wanted yo say Thank you. Look I don't regret kissing
you. I don't I am a free man Jac I am free to kiss who I want.( in my
story Joseph is already divorced.) I can kiss you anytime...anywhere I
want to." I placed a hand on his chest and he placed a hand on the
side of my face.

"Joseph I can't do this. Please dont do this to me. It hurts being
around you and not being able to touch you it hurts like hell." a
small smile graced his features as he looked into my eyes.

"Who said you can't touch me?" I really hope he is serious about this.

He leaned into me and placed a kiss to my neck followed by my jaw and
then finally to my lips. He is making this really hard for me I
couldn't help but give in to him.

My lips captured his as his hands trailed along my sides towards
my hips and gripped onto them. His tongue brushed past my lips and I
wasn't sure I believed in and extraordinary place like heaven but damn
this wa as close as I can imagine.

I wasn't aware the door opened until I heard a brief clearing of the
throat. Joseph and I jumped apart like we had been lit on fire.
Thankfully it was only Mark Williams.

"Cant you two keep your bloody hands of each other for more than an
hour?" His tone was serious but his face was full of amusement. With a
quick apology to Mark and a wave goodbye to me Joseph practically ran
out of the room.

"I knew on his wedding day and you were in a mood, I knew that
everything would work out." Ok who died and made him Ghandi.

"Shut up Yoda was there something you needed?" he nodded and handed
me a piece of paper.

"Congratulations Jac." What the hell is he talking about? He only
stood there obviously waiting on me opening it. I opened it and
couldn't believe what I was looking at.

"I don't understand. What is this?" His smile only got bigger. I was
already Locum Comsultant.

"You are no longer a locum. Mr Hansen and myself feel like there is no
point having an incredibly talented surgeon as a Locum. So you are now
in a permenant Consultant position on Keller. Your position here at
Holby City General is safe...unless you do something to royally screw
it up." Ok...what? My face must have been unreadable.

"Congratulations, seems everything is happening for you at the same
time." I repeat WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?

"Thank you." he smiled and walked out. I can not believe what just
happened. I wasn't sure how long I was standing there but eventually I
snapped out of it and had a huge smile on my face which would probably
rival a Cheshire cat.

I decided to go down to OB/GYN where I am guessing Joseph is as he is
not working.

Faye was probably still medicated and passed out. I knocked and heard
a gentle come in from the other side. It was dark outside and the only
light in the room was beside her bed and Joseph was sitting on the
furthest wall from Faye with baby Byrne in his arms.

"Where have you been?" I was probably staring but he looked like a
natural. "I thought you went home" I shook my head and went to sit
beside him.

"You look so natural with him Joseph." he smiled at me and I smiled
back at him.

"Put your arms out" he stretched his son out to me and that was not a
good idea.

"Joseph no. I am not a baby person." but he wasn't having any of it
and practically pushed him into my arms. As he placed him in my arms I
put one arm around his legs and one behind his head.

"Look see your a natural too." he smiled at me the most genuine smile
I have seen from him in a while. As I looked down at the Baby I
noticed several similarities between Baby Byrne and Joseph most of
which his facial expression.

"Do you think he looks like me?" he was in awe of his som and I
couldn't help but notice be in awe of him too. I have never been a
baby person or one of these people that allows myself to become mush
when I see one. But sitting here looking at this little baby the
perfect replica of his father I was enraptured.

"Yeah I do. Identical." his smile seemed to broaden as I said that.

"Really..." he didn't wait for and answer he placed his hand on my
thigh and I seemed to lose function for a second before movement was
heard from the bed and I pushed his hand of my leg.

Faye sat up further on the bed. She seemed to change from confusion to
anger to sadness and then withdrew to the state of depression she was
in before.

"That didn't take long." Josephs face was full of confusion at what
she was saying but I knew. I carefully handed the baby back to Joseph
and stood up.

"I'm just gonna go. Good to see your lookin better Faye." I went to
leave before she stopped me.

"No stay." The anger was back. "It didn't take you long to swoop in."
I know for a fact that she feels like I am moving into her territory.

"Faye I am not trying to step on anyones toes here ok...I'm just gonna
leave you, Joseph and your son alone ok." All of the lines in her face
were prominant.

"Exactly he is my son, mine and Josephs I wake up and find you holding
him." I know it looked really bad I just need to leave.

"Im gonna go...Congratulations, he's beautiful." As I walked out the
room and closed the door I heard her yell at Joseph.

"Were you having fun playing happy families?" I heard him let out a
huge sigh.

"Faye...she was just coming to see how you and the baby were doing."
she scoffed at that, even she knew I wasn't there for her...I was
there for him it was women's intuition.

"Thats the biggist pile of crap if ever there was one. She wasn't Here
for me Joseph she was here for you. It has always been her hasn't it?"
I didn't here him say anything so I decided to leave them be. I am not
even supposed to be here today, I am going home and might run a bath.
Let him be with his family without you interfearing. I could still
feel his hand in my thigh.

It was nearly a week since I last saw Joseph in Faye's room, nearly a
week since we kissed. The Baby had been cleared to leave and Faye had
went back to his flat to recover. He felt that obligation to her so I
thought it was best to leave him be for now.

I was sitting in the bath, glass of wine in one hand, the remote to
the iPod dock in the other. (Jac is listening to All Theives-Turn and
Turn again) the deep red liquid in my hand always made m feel good.

Who the hell is knocking on my door at 10.30pm...if I ignore it maybe
they will go away. Finally the knocking stopped and I turned the music
up and topped up my glass with the bottle sitting beside the bathtub.

"So...this is where you have been hiding." How the hell did he get in
here."You keep your key in the same place." can he read my mind? The
smile on his face made me smile.

"So you thought it was ok to break into my flat." His smile got wider

"Come on Jac don't be meladramatic, I didn't break in I used a key."
he said while he took of his jacket followed by his tie and then he
started unbuttoning his shirt.

"What are you doing?" He rivaled the Cheshire cat with that pantie
dropping smile.

"I was lonely...and that is a big bath." his shirt was completely off
now as was his trousers, he was standing in only his boxers.

He must gave decided not to push me so he climbed into the tub still
wearing his boxers. He was standing beside me and gently pushed my
forward so he could sit behind me with my back pressed against his
toned chest, and his arms running gently down mine before our fingers
intertwined.

"Why are you here Joseph?" It was a shock I could actually speak as
his lips were placing small gentle kisses to the side of my neck.

"I heard the music but you wernt answering the door, I was worried."
my glass of wine lay forgotton on the floor beside the tub. Come on
Jac change the subject!

"Hows the baby?" I could feel him smile against my neck and one hand
intertwined with my own and the other brushing hair of my shoulder.

"He's fine, his name is Harry." It didn't surprise me that he named
his son after his brother.

"What about Faye...is she ok?" his whole body tensed as I asked this.

"She umm...I don't...she left." Wait what?

"What do you mean she left?" he stopped what he was doing on my
shoulder and took his lips off me although he was still pressed
againste and I could feel every muscle in his body that fit perfectly
with mine.

"If she is gone where is Harry?" It would kill him if se had taken him
away. Is that why he is here, because his wife abandoned him and now
he is looking comfort?

"Harry is with my mother, and she just left in the middle of the
night, no even an idea of where she is. She signed papers declaring
Harry my son and that she wants no rights to him." If I ever see that
bitch again I swear.

"Joseph I am so sorry." He is actually crying, I turned my self around
in the tub so I was facing him.

"I don't know if I can do this on my own Jac." It breaks my heart to
see him like this.

"You are not alone Joseph you have your mother, your sister, all of
the people at the hospital and you have...me. Although. Don't know how
much help I will be but I am here if you want me that is."

He sat staring at me for what felt like an hour. I wasn't sure whether
that was good sign or a bad sign.

He leaned down and gently brushed his lips over mine, and grabbed my
hand to pulle up ad out of the tub. We both dried off an stood in my
bedroom staring at each other. I handed him a pair of trackies that
were absolutely huge on me but might possibly fit him.

As I pulled on a shirt that hit just the top of my thighs I felt his
arms wrap around me from behind. He placed small peck like kisses to
my neck and ran his fingers across the hem of the shirt I was wearing.

I turned to look at him as he started kissing me, I guess it was a
good thing, it took me a second but as soon as I started kissing back
it was as if every nerve in my body had been lit on fire

I pull back and I look into his eyes and all I see there is concern
and adoration. I think I realized at that moment that he would move
heaven and earth for me if he could. Suddenly I'm overwhelmed and I
find myself unable to say anything. I just continued to look into his
eyes.

Tentatively, I lean up and softly touch my lips against his. It lasts
a fraction of a second and then as I pull away, I can feel him leaning
towards me and pressing his lips against mine, softly, gently. I've
wanted this for so long.

I pull away from him for a moment, I hope my eyes tell him the story
because again, words are failing me. I stand up, taking his hand,
pulling him with me.

He leans in and softly captures my lips again. This time it's more
intense, infused with a bit of passion.

I take a step backward and find myself sliding my arms around his neck
as the kiss between us deepens and becomes an exploration. It's as if
things between us have been slowly smoldering for a long time and the
spark ignited by that kiss had caused us to literally combust. I have
to think about whether breathing is really necessary if it means
pulling my mouth away from his.

I feel the wall in the doorway of my bathroom pressing into my back
for a moment as Joseph presses his body against mine. All of it is too
much and yet not nearly enough.

As we stumble into my bed, I can see his eyes questioning mine,
wanting to know if this is really what I want. I silence his concerns
by pulling my shirt over my head and pressing myself against him I
place a searing kiss on his mouth. The sensation of my flesh against
his is intoxicating, so much so that I want more, I need more.

I can feel his fingers tangling in my hair as his tongue continues
exploring my mouth. His other hand is gripping my arse.

By the time we make it to my bed, there is a scattering of wjat little
clothing we had on scattered across the bedroom floor and then it's
bare flesh to bare flesh as our hands and lips explore each other
freely.

I am acutely aware of the sensation of the softness of the sheet
against my back and I'm strangely thankful that I got talked into
buying something with such a high thread count. I can feel his fingers
touching, exploring, caressing and as I do the same, there is no need
for words.

And then we're there. He's looking into my eyes, poised over me with
passion in his eyes to match my own. I can feel my head going back and
a soft gasp escaping my mouth as I feel him enter me. The sensation of
the outside of his thighs against the inside of mine is indescribable.
I lock eyes with him as he begins to move in me and suddenly I'm
struck with how amazing this moment is. I'm engaged in the most
intimate dance on the planet with the man of my dreams.

That thought alone is almost enough to push me over the edge. In fact
it doesn't take either of us very long and as he begins to pull away,
I wrap my arms around him and hold him to me. I'm not ready to let go
quite yet. I want to feel the sensation of him filling me up a little
while longer.

He places soft kisses against my face and finally I let go of him and
let him roll onto his back. He pulls me with him and as I lie there in
his arms, our legs tangled together, I'm not asking myself what if
anymore. I can't change the past, but I really hope that he's part of
my future, and as he leans over and softly kisses me again, he
whispers something into my ear that gives me confidence.

He loves me, and that is all I need to know.