"Good morning, sir. It is 10:22 am. Today is Thursday, March 26, year 2281. Weather status: fifty-five degrees Fahrenheit, partly cloudy. UV exposure risk: minimal. Radiation exposure risk: minimal."

"Thanks, Jarvis." Tony muttered sleepily, burying his face in the pillow.

"I was also asked to remind sir that there are currently seven empty vodka bottles under the foyer table, and Muggy is refusing to dispose of them because they do not qualify as coffee cups," the Central Intelligence Unit reported.

"I AM NOT YOUR DISH BOY," came a hysterical scream from the main room.

"Tell Muggy I'm going to reprogram him eventually so he might as well do it now."

A series of grumbling and cursing followed, accompanied by a "SILENCE! QUIT YOUR WHIMPERING OR I WILL BURN YOU!"

"SHUT UP TOASTER. YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING EXCEPT MAKE TOAST."

Toaster growled. "I'm not just a toaster! Once my takeover of the world begins, I will—"

"Oh I'm so scared! What are you gonna do, throw burnt toast at me?"

"FOOL! I WILL—"

"Boys, Boys!" Tony groaned into his pillow. "If you don't shut up now I'm gonna throw you both down the book chute!"

Muggy and Toaster stopped, the noise level finally reduced to angry grumbling and plotting from the Toaster and a rejected sigh from the miniature securitron.

Tony grunted and sat up. "Anything new so far today, Jarvis?"

"No new disturbances on the perimeter, sir. There is increased Cazador activity near the Z-14 Pepsinae splicing lab. A small number of lobotomites are attempting to break into Higgs village."

"Oh, fuck." Tony gave in decided it was time to get out of bed. "Keep me updated, will you?" He sluggishly donned some clothes and wandered to the fridge in the biology lab.

"Mmm, nothing like some synthetically spliced pears for breakfast."

"Just the juicy result of my magical seed, baby," the biological research station hummed.

"Thanks for reminding me that I haven't gotten laid in three years, Bio."

"Hey, if you want help with that—"

Tony almost choked on his pear. "No! No, no thanks."

He wandered back into the main room and had the Central AI machine bring up an image of the Big Mountain crater.

All labs and areas of significance within the crater were marked in green. His eyes darted to where the "forbidden" zone was marked, where Dr. Mobius still sat, spewing threats at Tony and the Think Tank in a Mentats- induced rage. The energy field that created the impenetrable perimeter wall was highlighted in red, creating a dome around the entire crater.

Tony figured that the energy field could probably be shut off in Mobius' lab, but he didn't think he would survive the trip until the armor he was customizing was ready. He knew that most of what Mobius boomed at him were crazed empty threats, but after numerous run-ins with his army of robotic scorpions, he was starting to take the threat of the "X-42 Giant Roboscorpion" in the forbidden dome pretty seriously.

In an ideal world, once the perimeter was down, Tony could then bring in reinforcements to take out any remaining lobotomites and other dangerous creatures roaming the crater. Then he could start the labs back up and hopefully continue research with a new crew of scientists.

But until then, no one came and went until Mobius decided he wanted them to, transporting them, as he did Tony, through mysterious means into the crater. As far as Tony knew, only three people had ever escaped the Big Empty, and Tony remained the only human who had not been reduced to a mindless, raging lobotomite roaming the crater.

All Tony had for company were the artificial intelligence modules previously installed in various appliances in his home inside the Think Tank (his favored being the central computer, whom he had fondly named Jarvis), and while their characters were amusing and sometimes comforting, it did nothing to replace human contact.

It was very, very lonely.

Casting that thought aside, Tony dismissed the map and brought up a 3-D image of a suit of armor.

"Your armor is coming along nicely, sir. Although might I add, sir, that painting it red and gold is ostentatious and will likely draw the attention of all deadly creatures within a mile radius."

Tony grinned. "Well, why not? I can finally run around the west side of the crater, and anywhere really, once I get the fuck out of here, without worrying about dying of nightstalker or cazador poison. Or laser burns. So yeah, all deadly creatures can come on over and suck my well-armored red and gold dick."

"Very presumptuous, but a delightful image nonetheless, sir."

"You don't have to question my ingenuity, honey."

Tony had started on the armor about a year ago after limping back from the X-13 Infiltrator research facility after a bad run in with a Robobrain and several lobotomites. His combat armor served him well, but tended to wither alarmingly fast against laser blasts and a steady rain of bullets. If it hadn't been for the auto-doc provided in the Think Tank, he would not be walking.

When he returned with as many prototypes of the stealth suit as he could carry, he had begun creating an armor of his own. It had taken him several months of putting together a work station where he could figure out how to work the stealth suit and reinforce it, as well as replenishing or repairing the resources in Think Tank labs.

Of course, a good portion of that time had also been taken up by nursing battle wounds after every trip outside, or moping on various surfaces with a bottle of scotch and sobbing to the juke box that he was never going to see another un-lobotomized human face again.

When he finished the armor, however, he would finally feel safe enough to make the trek across the crater to confront Dr. Mobius. And then he would finally find a way back to civilization, no matter what it took.