Room Eleven. It was calling, and he couldn't say no. And, in a horrible, morbid, beautiful, terrifying way, he didn't want to say no. He needed to see, and understand, and laugh at fear like he always did.

The Doctor turned the handle, and it died. That spark of … something. In his hearts, that thing that had been living there for days, it was dead.

This thing. It had been the driving force, pushing him away from death, making him run faster than he'd ever run before. And it was the thing that had made him want to laugh at his worst fear. And it was the thing he was looking at, right now.

Oh, there it was. His pride and his selfishness staring out of that harsh, victorious face. Eyes, once green, now shining black, staring out at him.

It was like seeing a friend.

"Chen7," it said, just with those eyes. "Did you think that was real?"

He could see all his own internal workings, on that guilty day, playing out in its eyes.

"Chen7," it repeated, "Is real.

But it only affecting two hearted species, that's ridiculous. It's deadly, why would it stop at Gallifreyans and Apalapucians? I was safe, Rory and Amy were at minimal risk. All for the cause."

Time slowed, just to allow the Doctor the pleasure and the horror of knowing his own thoughts. He didn't move, just looked on, as the story unfolded…

"I don't check up on history. No, but my history is excellent. How could I not know what was going on on the planet at the time my TARDIS landed? I drive her. She's a bit off sometimes, but this has worked before. I went to investigate the Flesh, when I thought Amy might be a ganger. I went to a planet infected with Chen7, working under the same principals, but this time, I was trying to save a life much more important than Amy's or Melody's, and I was so much more worried. I have an excellently developed sense of self-preservation - it helps when I run around the universe. Yes, I put myself in danger sometimes, but when it comes to something bearing down upon me, something irreversible, something snaps inside me. I need to keep on saving everything.

My Tenth regeneration got so scared when he defied time. But now I say, he should have gone further. Look at me, Ten. Watch me run. Watch me win. I won't die.

The Doctor tried to pull away, then. It had only been a split second since he'd opened the door, but it was enough. He wanted to get away. But those black-green eyes were still speaking, and they wouldn't let him go.

"Lying isn't hard. It's become the first rule around me, hasn't it, the first thing to watch out for. I lie. And, yes, it scared me for a second, the way I said that my TARDIS could support a paradox with a straight face and perfect acting, it scared the weaker part of me. Sacrifices, I told it. Last of the Time Lords, I told it. Shut up, I told it, Don't you want to live?

Amy said I died. I died, in the future. What if I can stop that? Oh, but I can't see everything. That's not my lot. I can't know for sure what will happen if two versions of someone interact. Sometimes it tears the universe apart. Sometimes it goes along smooth as silk.

I had to see how people in different time streams interacted, older and younger versions. I had to find out if I can somehow intervene in my own death.

And does it really matter if one human girl, one version of a human girl, got erased from time in the process?

She never really existed.

I matter so much more, to so many more people! Don't you see. What will the world do without me?"

The Thing in the room smiled at him, and beckoned, and the Doctor smiled back.

"Of course," he said. "Who else?"

And shut the door.


I'm trying to decide whether I should now yell at you to review, or not. Meh. An author's note at the bottom might ruin the effect...

Oh, well, now the note is already here, I have to say: that was probably not great writing. That was a plot bunny. That was just because I haven't posted anything on here in a while. Sorry if it's not quality :/ But thank you so much for taking time to read it!

Oh, and because I don't know where else I'm ever going to post this, and because while choosing characters for this story I noticed that the Eleventh Doctor Teselector is a character, I have to comment. Firstly... I think the British accents are confusing the fanfiction people, because on the TARDIS Index File (DW wiki), it's officially called a Teselecta. Secondly, how can a Teselecta be a character? Isn't it just a robot? It doesn't have... feelings...? Anyway... sorry for the randomness. :D