Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do, comedy, Rated R language
Summary Sesshoumaru has a series of wacky adventures. 1 Inuyasha hears something so shocking he cannot believe it. 2 Kagome has to deal with a greedy hungry pup and there is a surprising twist to it. 3 A crystal ball has a shocking unexpected affect. 4 A panty thief makes a claim on Kagome's panties. 5 The gang are vampires sharing a big house. This is a chaptered series of 5 or more complete one shots per chap there will be some OOC,ness. Special dedication to TheLostPrincessOfTheEast, she helped me a lot, lol Sessh/Kag
Sesshoumaru's Twisted Tales
By Raven 2010, May 27 2012
Story 1
Everything is not always what it seems to be
"Inuyasha? Kagome teasingly called
"Yes my little wenchy? You called"
"What are you up to? She asked
"Nothing, why do you always think I am up to no good?"
"Because my sweet little hanyou you always are,"
"Wenches you can't live with them and you should not try to," he replied and laughed
"Correction my friend it is women you can't live with them and you can't live without them," Miroku jokingly corrected "But I would never try to live without them,"
"I still say my version is the right one. And admit it monk you love Sango pounding your groping ass,"
"I shall not dignify that with a response,"
"Ya because you know it's true" hah? Inuyasha replied
"And so is no goodies for a month the right version," Kagome said
"Damn now that's hitting below the belt," Inuyasha replied
"I did not hit your manhood so stop whining,"
"Hah like you little female she devils need physical contact to wound a guy," he said
"Want me to kiss it and make it better?
"What, sweet Kagome never swears talking dirty?" Miroku commented, "I like it, I like it,"
"Shhh, I want to hear his response," Sango exclaimed gently jabbing him in the ribs with her elbow at the same time
"Kiss, Kiss make it better? Inuyasha slightly stammered questioningly with his hands clamped over his manhood
"Yep I'll kiss your boo, boo and make it all better," she teased puckering her lips
"Eee" he shrieked "Kagome you're giving me the creeps your one scary wench you know that?"
"Relax I am a miko and have a cure hold still it won't hurt a bit," she teased making kissing sounds
"Oh no ya don't you're not purifying my sweet roll and rice balls,"
"Don't be ridiculous and hold still sweetness," Kagome continued
"Sweet roll and rice balls good one laughing," Miroku exclaimed
"Leave it to mister ramen fiend to, to name parts after food," gasping for air Sango commented
"Ah bye nice knowing you," Inuyasha replied with wide eyes and ran like hell 'Must protect the jewels at all costs' he thought
"Kagome you sick girl I think the poor things scarred for life," laughing Sango said
"Did you hear that sweet roll and rice balls? Guess my lunch just escaped me," laughing Kagome choked out
"What would you have done if Inuyasha had agreed to let you? Miroku asked
"Then I would have told him he had to kiss mine and make it better first," Kagome answered
"Cough, damn," Sango responded
"Sweet escape check, no perverted wenches check, peace and tranquility check," The hiding hanyou mentally ran his list
Inuyasha continued his journey into the forest and that is how it all began, as he continued his walk into the forest he heard something far off in the distance so he continued slowly going towards the source of the sound. He finally arrived near the place it was coming from but kept some distance between himself and where it was coming from his ears twitched atop his head like sound searching radar beacons
"Oh lord Sesshoumaru," the voice said
'What the fuck? Inuyasha mentally questioned
"I've never had anything like this before,"
'Would he? Nah I'm going nuts even he's not that low' Inuyasha thought
"This is wonderful so good,"
"That's her," he mumbled
"I can't believe it oh kamis," she exclaimed
'He wouldn't she's only thirteen' Inuyasha said to himself as he crept a bit closer until he was only a short distance from the bushes
"Oh lord Sesshoumaru so good if only this could last forever,"
"Yes I have never had anything this good before," Sesshoumaru exclaimed "Hmmm I am in heaven,"
"Sesshoumaru you dirty son of a bitch she is only thirteen years old," charging forward into the bushes claws flexing ready to fight Inuyasha bellowed
He came to a screeching halt when he saw Rin, and Sesshoumaru sitting on a patch of grass Rin eating goodies that she'd never had before brought there and given to her by Kagome chocolate covered strawberries candies cookies chocolate. Sesshoumaru had eaten some of the sweets and a chocolate covered strawberry and was licking the last of the chocolate from his fingers. Sesshoumaru looked at Inuyasha with a UN describable look on his usually calm unreadable angelic face
"Ow" Inuyasha yelped when Sesshoumaru's large hand smacked him upside his head
"That is for letting your mind wander to dark twisted places where it should never go," Sesshoumaru bit
"But I thought,"
"That is the problem you did not think you acted first I have far more honor then that fool," Sesshoumaru bit
"Damn fluffy don't get your hakama in a twist,"
"Perhaps I should twist your neck," Sesshoumaru replied "You know that game pop goes the hanyou,"
"Inuyasha sama what were you thinking?" Rin questioned
"Yes do explain to her exactly what it is you thought," grinning Sesshoumaru added "And be descriptive,"
"Tell me Inuyasha sama," Rin said
"Well I um, I thought that Sesshoumaru was, he was trying," Inuyasha couldn't finish
"You thought Sesshoumaru sama what? Rin asked playing dumb she already knew but wanted to torment the poor hanyou more and was quite enjoying it
"Yes do continue dear brother," Sesshoumaru needled "Details I want details," he added making Inuyasha redder then his robe
"I thought that he was plucking flowe," he started and stopped "Popping a ch cherry," the hanyou stammered "Ow" Sesshoumaru smacked his head again "Damn you fluffy,"
"He thought that I was trying to rob you of your virtue," Sesshoumaru answered
"Cherry oh that pesky thing he took care of that when I was eleven," Rin said with a fake real looking serious face "Best day of my life," she added with a real looking dreamy expression
"He, you eleven years old, took, he," Inuyasha choked then "I'll kill you, you bastard,"
"Hehehehe lord Sesshoumaru he is too easy," laughing Rin gasped
"Yes he is,"
"You, you mean you were pulling my chain, damn it kid don't do that," Inuyasha scolded
"Damn mutt that is messed up even for you" where's your mind up your ass? Better hurry up and crap it
out before it gets lost permanently" Kouga who had been passing by and heard the whole thing ragged
"Yes and do it quickly before it is too late," Sesshoumaru added
"Shut up ass faces," Inuyasha snapped
"Up yours and around the corner you know Dog breath your so full of crap you could fertilize a dozed farm crops," Kouga shot back "Maybe there is a certain cherry he's already plucked," he hinted
"What" Inuyasha barked
"Sit" was Kouga's answer before wide eyed Inuyasha could respond Sesshoumaru took over
An evil thought formed in Sesshoumaru's clever mind "Perhaps fool you need to see exactly what it is that I do like," smiling evilly Sesshoumaru exclaimed
"Uh oh," grinning Kouga said
"What the hell are you up to? Inuyasha asked "Whatever it is you better forget about it,"
"Worry not mindless one you will see soon enough," Sesshoumaru answered then disappeared in his orb of light
"Fuck he headed for the," Inuyasha didn't finish but took off at top speed following his brother
"Sit you know Kouga sama I thought he would have caught that hint immediately she is the only one who sits him," smiling Rin said
"Oh I have got to see this," Kouga said and ran
Kouga beat Inuyasha getting to the village a couple of minutes after Inuyasha arrived to see the smiling wolf looking ahead. Following his line of sight he nearly screamed when he saw the scene Sesshoumaru with Kagome wrapped in his arms passionately kissing her. Scenting his brother to add fuel to the fire Sesshoumaru took hold of one of Kagome's thigh lifted her leg and put it over his hip then inched his hand up higher
"Good matchmaking mutt," Kouga needled
Rin and Jaken arrived on Ah Un and landed gracefully "Master Jaken look lord Sesshoumaru has found a mate," the happy girl exclaimed
"Yes it seems so and of all females his brothers miko,"
"Shut it ya stinking toad she ain't his," Inuyasha said
"Inuyasha my friend I do not have your keen canine sense of smell but even I a mere human can tell Kagome is highly turned on by Sesshoumaru's attention," Miroku happily stated jabbing the hanyou at the same time
"Sesshoumaru sama add some tongue," Sango coaxed he did
"Yup she wreaks of it," Kouga needled
"Sesshoumaru you let go of he," Inuyasha never got to finish
"Little brother," he said after pulling his lips from Kagome's
"Kagome now's your chance get away from him,"
"Hah, who?
"What wench you forgot it's me Inuyasha?"
"Who, Inu? Kagome practically panted "Your here,"
"Little brother see you around," was the last thing Sesshoumaru said just before his lips took Kagome's and at the same time they flew of disappearing into the horizon
"Good job dog breath," Kouga jabbed
"Why couldn't I have been an only child? Inuyasha moaned
"Because your father who I knew well did not want to be or die a wall flower," Kouga razzed
Days later Sesshoumaru, and Kagome returned a mates "Thank you little brother" Sesshoumaru said
"Yay I have a new mommy," Rin exclaimed
"And I have a father," Shippou added
"And I have a headache," Inuyasha griped
Story 2
It all started with a shrimp then came a hungry pup
As Sesshoumaru sat at the table enjoying his plate of shrimp Kagome watched then an evil thought crossed her mind and a smirk formed on her lips. Just as Sesshoumaru went to put the last shrimp in his mouth a hand snatched it away from him with speed even demons would envy once the jolted shocked taiyoukai regained his senses and looked he saw the smirking miko wearing a victorious grin
"Miko?
"Miko, where is there a miko here? Can you introduce her to me? Kagome innocently answered
"You will return my shrimp now or there will be dire consequences and you will pay dearly," Sesshoumaru warned
"Shrimp, what shrimp," she replied waving it back and forth
"The one between your fingers damn woman it is mine now hand it over,"
"No I cannot do that,"
"And why not? he replied
"Not after I just saved his life,"
"Saved his life? Sesshoumaru answered
"Yes I saved him from the jaws of a hungry dog,"
"I care not he neither lives or feels and is my meal now you will return him to his rightful owner or else," he warned
"Like this? She answered and popped it into her mouth
"Woman you have just signed your own death warrant,"
"Yeah, yeah fear me big bad fluffy is going to eat me sniff, sniff I am so scared somebody save me," she taunted while wiping away fake tears
I'm hungry" was his only reply and when she looked instead of golden eyes she saw copper colored eyes "Woof"
"Wait right there Kaggy is going to get you some food don't kill or eat anyone before I get back,
"Do not think to leave me sweet treat,"
"Gulp" she responded
"Oh Miko of mine? Sesshoumaru taunted as he stalked her like the prey she was
"Relentless dog," she mumbled "Why did I have to go swipe and eat his shrimp?
"Miko there is no point in hiding from me,"
"Says he who can sniff out his prey from five miles or more away," she mumbled
'So the minx wants to torment me' he thought
"Uh oh he's up to no good" she mumbled when he disappeared "Hey where the hell did he go?
"Boo" he teased
"Eeeee" she shrieked when he popped up behind her
With his nose against her he sniffed her "Slurp"
"You, you wouldn't,"
"Pant, pant whine," was his only response
"You would you lower than a snakes belly laying on the ground inu weasel,"
"Woof," was the answer she received
"Crap" she exclaimed and ran
"Miko delight after I finish small tasty and filing and I am a hungry dog in need of meat,"
"Oh no" she panted from the chase "Eeeeek," she screeched when a huge tongue licked her from her ankles to her cheek "Eew gross, damn it Sesshoumaru that's not fair you can turn into a big ass dog and lick me,"
"Hehehe" he laughed and licked her again this time up and down
"Eew now I need six baths and a gallon of bleach, look what you did dog juice all over me,"
"I was marking my territory," the cocky smirking back in his humanoid form Sesshoumaru told her
"Why you, you dirty dog,"
"Yes a dog I am thanks for remembering a naughty dog but not a dirty one," he exclaimed
"You licked me, I cannot believe it you licked me"
"Yes I did and I intend to do it a lot more you are a tasty little treat," he taunted
"I'll give you something to lick you creep," the outraged miko snapped oh how he loved it when she was all riled up "Lick this you louse," he saw her hand glow pink
"Really? Was his annoying to her response, then an energy ball headed straight for his butt and hit "Ooo kisses from my loving adoring miko," he teased
"Kisses I'll give you kisses,"
"Well I gave you kisses so it is only fair you give them to me as well" is it not? He teased
"Oh I'll give you a kiss a really big kiss,"
"Miko?
"Pucker up big boy," she replied
Wham "She loves me she really loves me," he taunted whack the branch hit him on the butt again "Hard kisses oh yes Sesshy like,"
"Damn dogs you can't live with them,"
"And you can't live without them," he added
"Stop running and I'll show you lots of unending love,"
"What no courting and gifts first? I'm not some cheap classless tart" he ragged "If you really love me you'll have to catch me first than you can shower me with all the love you want,"
"You creeep," she yelled
"Hah, what, am I seeing right Kagome chasing Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha asked rubbing his eyes in disbelief then looking again asked
"Yup" Rin answered "Fun hah?"
"Sadistic giant fur ball I swear to gods I never thought I'd live to see mister killing perfection being chased by and running from a little woman," Inuyasha replied "This is priceless now I've got something on him and great blackmail material, thank you kami,"
"Yep but believe it or not Kagome started it," Shippou told him
"Kagome started it how?
"It started with Sesshoumaru chasing her after she swiped his shrimp," Shippou replied
"Shit she took his shrimp and is still alive well ain't she the little daredevil," Inuyasha exclaimed and smirked "Fluffy must be getting soft in his old age,"
"Or maybe soft for a certain female," Miroku added
"Inu's going to be an uncle," Sango teased
"Shhhhh, shut up woman that is the last thing we need is little fluffys running around shit life is hard enough as it is without his spawn torturing me. Sessh does fine on his own being a pain in my ass," Inuyasha said
"Aw I hear the love," Miroku razzed
With Sesshoumaru, and Kagome
"Ow, ouch miko I am wounded do you think you can kiss it and make it better?" Sesshoumaru teased
"Hold still doggy dearest,"
"Only if you promise to love me gently," he teased
"Why you," he disappeared "Where the hell did he g? She started "Ahhhhh" she shrieked when she suddenly heard
"Meow"
"Will you stop sneaking up on people like that," she scolded "Mmmmm," was all she could do when his lips conquered hers with a searing kiss
After a few minutes her hands journeyed up to his ears and began massaging them he groaned in ecstasy after a while he pulled back but his need was evident by the sight she took in "Woman I am about to show you exactly what that does to inus and the consequences of said actions,"
"Uh oh, did I do that?" she innocently asked as she gazed at his lower half
"Indeed you did and now you will pay," he closed in on and conquered her like the predator he was
Next day
"Hey fluff did she pup you yet? Inuyasha teased his newly mated brother
"Aren't you ready to deliver your litter yet? Was Sesshoumaru's quick reply
"You first married big bro,"
"Very well and you shall be their target," the evilly smirking taiyoukai replied, at that statement Inuyasha felt a twinge of dread
Three months later
Three months had passed and Kagome gave birth to a beautiful looks exactly like Sesshoumaru male pup she named him Maru, Sesshoumaru was a proud doting father. One month later it had been a long day and Kagome was tired Sesshoumaru had coaxed her to take a rest and sleep, Maru was a good pup he hardly ever cried, the happy parents heard a cry Maru wanted his food
"I will get the pup mate you stay and rest," Sesshoumaru said
"Thanks handsome,"
"You are more than welcome gorgeous," he replied
Sesshoumaru quickly returned with a smiling happy pup who had one little clawed hand wrapped tightly around one of Sesshoumaru's fingers. Being of demon blood Maru grew faster than human children though only one month old he was already the size of a two month old baby. Kagome grinned widely the second he saw her pup reached out with his little arms his fingers flexing
"Mama" Maru spoke for the first time
"Papa" Sesshoumaru coaxed
"Inu?
"No papa, father, inu yes I am an inu as are you," Sesshoumaru told him
"Inu, Inu papa," Maru replied
"No papa, not Inu papa father,"
"Inu, and papa,"
"Yes" Sesshoumaru answered
"Inu Papa," Maru excitedly exclaimed "Yay Inu papa," the grinning clapping pup added
"Not Inu papa, oh I give up," Sesshoumaru said in defeat Maru laughed
"Aw look at that their having their first father son fight," Kagome teased
"Inu Papa oh that name" could he not just say papa like normal pups do," Sesshoumaru lightly griped
"Well you are an inu and his papa so yeah Inu Papa makes sense," Kagome said
"Remember that my dear mate when and if he ever calls you miko mama, or inu mama," he told her
"Big baby,"
"I will show you what this big baby can do when we are alone he needs motherly love to," he replied
"Maru want mama food," Maru cutely said Sesshoumaru handed Kagome their son
"Aw that's my baby drink up," Kagome cooed as Maru fed she felt sleepy "Sessh yawn when he's done
will you put him to bed please?"
"Consider it done,"
"Thank yo," Kagome didn't finish as sleep had claimed her,
"You are welcome," he said Sesshoumaru laid down beside her keeping Maru between them
A while later Kagome felt the familiar pull with her eyes still closed "Maru greedy pup you've had
enough," the suckling continued "That's it mister tomorrow you're going on a diet,"
"Sniff, sniff," was heard
It did not stop she slowly opened her eyes and looked "Sesshoumaru Taisho," she nearly yelled
"Whine" he looked up at her with sweet angelic big puppy dog eyes
"You over grown milk thief,"
"Whine, whine," he really did sound like a puppy
"Stop the puppy act your way to old and big for this," she scolded, he simply and quickly switched breasts
"You milk thieving lecherous dog,"
"Mmmmmm" he moaned at the pleasurable taste of the milk on is soft tongue
"Taisho Sesshoumaru,"
"Hmmm,"
"Don't you hm me," being an inu miko Kagome was all healed the same day after having Maru
"Whine" escaped Sesshoumaru as she tried to pull his lips away from her breast
"Sesshoumaru you," she never got to finish because the second his lips left her breast they were on hers
"Yes Sesshounaru," she called out as he took her, and Maru was asleep in his bed a well fed happy pup
Months later "Oh no I'm leaving Japan forever," Inuyasha whined when he got the news that Kagome was pupped again only this time twins one male the other female
"Oh stop being such a big baby," Sango scolded
"Baby my ass Maru is bad enough now the little mutt is going to have partners in crime and me as their target. And just when he and I had an unspoken deal no more torturing the hanyou,"
"Come on Inuyasha the boy isn't that bad," Miroku defended "Grow some balls man,"
"Oh really who used sticky tree sap and glued me to the tree? Who painted kick me on the back of my hakamas above my but? And who hid the ramen and told Kagome I ate all of it? He reminded "Oh that would be Maru,"
"That was fun," Sango said
"Yes but you have to admire him he really is highly intelligent and very inventive," Miroku replied
"Say that when fluffy junior sticks your ass to a tree," Inuyasha retorted "Oh god's I forgot another fluffy junior is on the way somebody take pity on a poor old tired hanyou and end me now,"
Sesshoumaru's second son was named Mattaki, and his daughter Sakura by the time they were three months old they were the size of one year old's they'd continue to grow like this until they reached the age of eighteen. Just as Inuyasha feared Mattaki helped Maru torture him, but when Sakura was around they didn't dare mess with him because she'd kick their asses like Inuyasha said at least he had one pup on his side
"Ha, ha suckers," he taunted his nephews sticking his tongue out at them
"Do not worry butt weed we have not forgotten about or dear uncle why that would be family neglect," Mattaki replied a pint sized version of wiseass Inuyasha with Sesshoumaru's face
"Indeed we have not brother," Maru sounding much like his father added
"Don't worry uncle Yash I'll protect you," Sakura promised
"See you two creepy little mutts are whipped by a girl ha, ha, ha," Inuyasha taunted, his nephews were griping but like their father hid it well beneath a cool mask of indifference
"And so will you be to someday soon," Mattaki the wiseass replied
Story 3
Double trouble
"Inuyasha, Shippou I told you two that thing is not a toy now stop," Kagome scolded as they continued to toss the crystal ball back and forth to one another like it was a toy
"Relax wench nothing's going to happen I won't let it I've got better reflexes then a cat," Inuyasha bragged
"Hisssss" indignant Kirrara vented her anger
"You to females, sorry all except you," she meowed
"Yeah Kagome stop worrying we aren't going to let anything bad happen, besides it's just a crystal ball, what harm could it do?" Shippou said
"But you two do not understand, give it back," Kagome demanded
"No way nothin doing," Inuyasha replied
"Inuyasha come on, please?" Kagome tried pleading "Double Ramen for a month if you do," she gave puppy dog eyes
"If he turns that down the boy needs his ass paddled I volunteer and he should be to be caged," Miroku said
"If he refuses that the boy needs to be drawn and quartered," Sango added
"Well if he does it is an imposter because the real Inuyasha never would turn down a deal like that," Miroku added
"Um Inuyasha maybe we should give it back Kagome looks really worried," Shippou told him
"Ah runt you know women all they do is worry," the cocky hanyou replied
"With you around we have to," Sango wisecracked "Kags did say double ramen for a month,"
"This is one time I must agree," Miroku added
"Hey, and you monk ya suck up grow a pair," Inuyasha retorted
"Hey dummy double ramen for a month," Sango reminded "Let me at him I'll kill him now for ya Kags,"
"For real Inuyasha I am serious double for a month give it to me now and I'll make it triple," Kagome offered
"Miko you waste your time patience and breath little brother never listens because he lacks even basic common sense," just arriving Sesshoumaru stated
"You should know fluff king of morons," Inuyasha shot back
"You see this is an example he is the pillar of stupidity king of his kingdom imbeciles," Sesshoumaru retorted
"Says he who battles demons two and three times his size and is now cowering over a little crystal ball," cocky Inuyasha said "Sniff me cry like a girl now,"
"No fool I state a simple fact,"
"Ah be a man," Inuyasha needled
"I was born one" what prey tell is your excuse? Boy"
"Sweet" grinning Sango added
"I'm out" Shippou noting the deadly serious look on Sesshoumaru's face said
"Grow a pair be a man chicken fox it's a measly harmless crystal ball," Inuyasha needled
"No mindless fool it is the kuro," Sesshoumaru started but never finished
It was unintended, it was an accident but it happened Inuyasha had not paid attention when Shippou said he was out and stepped away. He tossed the crystal ball again thinking Shippou was waiting for it as it flew through the air. After hearing what Sesshoumaru started to say knowing what it was panicking Shippou leaped up trying to catch it but it was an inch too far away the crystal hit the ground and immediately split in two the light pouring out of it almost blinding. Just as quickly the light died down and standing there were two Sesshoumaru's one grinning wickedly the other looking deadly serious, gasps came from the observers
"No the kuro crystal of duality," Miroku added
"Now you've done it," Sango said "Does he even realize what he has done? She whispered to Miroku
"Nope as usual he is clueless," Shippou stated
"Two fluffys ,I've died and gone to hell two fluffys," wide eyes Inuyasha groaned
"Little brother," both Sesshoumaru's said in unison
"Oh no, wasn't one hell enough now there's two of them, why kami, why?" Inuyasha whined
"See I told you over and over again I tried to tell you hell I didn't even sit you," Kagome scolded crash
"Dam ou wenc," war his incomplete muttering because of the dirt dental massage he was currently receiving
"Oops that just slipped out," she exclaimed as he hit the ground
"Sure it did wench," Inuyasha bit
"Be happy that's all I did,"
"Why you," Inuyasha responded
"You creep Totosai entrusted that to me to guard it until he returns and look what you did," Kagome bit
"Miroku did you notice one Sesshoumaru has black hair and is wearing all black, and the other his usual white?" Sango asked
"Yes that is the duality of it light and dark like ying and yang you might say,"
"Oh boy he just opened the door and invited hell in," Sango added
"Little brother I could kill you I should kill you vermin." Sesshoumaru said
"Hey hanyou puppy what's up?" Sesshoumaru 2 needled and enjoyed the red fuming hanyous expression
"Ooooo" Inuyasha groaned unable to find words
"Maybe I should let you live and just shred you a little," Sesshoumaru added
Then all eyes widened when they heard "Oh pull the stick out and live a little you mentally constipated old fart," Sesshoumaru 2 said
"If you were not part of me I'd dissolve you with my acid,"
"Well I am so get used to it I might want to stay forever," Sesshoumaru 2 replied he was a real ball buster
"Oh no there is not going to be two fluffys I won't have it, only one or nothing at all," Inuyasha informed them "Ones got to go you two decide which one it is going to be, maybe the black haired one can stay at least he has a personality,"
"Oh boy two Sesshy's every girls dream," Kagome ragged to add to his stress "How's a girl to choose?
"You take the angelic one, and I will take the one in black," Sango added loving Inuyasha's horrified look "I love bad boys,"
"Whaaaaat? He shrieked
"You take the miko and I'll take the slayer," Sesshoumaru in black said yep he was the ball buster of the two "Ready to do some mating? Miroku knowing what he was doing nearly choked trying to stifle a laugh
"Sang you lucky girl he's horny and ready to go," Kagome was having a ball rattling Inuyasha's cage
"Sango? Inuyasha called "And you, you gods damned letch,"
"We have to devise a system one is all in black with black hair, the other all white and white haired," Sango said
"I have an idea how about we call original Sesshoumaru by his name and the second one Maru?" Kagome suggested "Plenty of hot inu lovin to go around,"
And you, you wenches call Miroku perverted my freaking brain is bleeding," Inuyasha griped
"Worry not nervous prince of purity our pups will be strong and of great beauty," Maru needled Inuyasha
"I do not fucking believe this he was only born made a few minutes ago and already he's planning mating pups and god knows what else," Inuyasha bit "Sessh you creepy bastard you hid a sick perverted and twisted side of you all these damned years," he said to the original Sesshoumaru
"Don't get your fundoshi in a twist you might rupture something vital," Maru said "We so need to get you laid" question is do you have anything to work with?
"You can expect nothing less from a drama queen," Sesshoumaru stated
"Oh I get it little bro worships virginity like a goddess," Maru needled "What a waste even half dogs need lots of dipping the poor miko how cheated she must feel,"
"Oh damn he's as bad as you Inuyasha," Miroku exclaimed
"Hey shut up snow princess," Inuyasha snapped "And you monk you better sleep with one eye open."
"You leave my dark prince alone," Sango said referring to Maru because of his black hair and outfit
"Whoa two of them, Yo Sesshoumaru didn't know you had a twin," Kouga who was passing by stopped
and commented "Hey mutt now you can say jackpot cuz you just won double gold,"
"Oh great slimy ookyme," Inuyasha insulted
"That's ookami, lord Kouga to you peasant," he taunted to get under the hanyous skin
"Hah, I'm a lord to butt face it's only a title and don,t mean shit,"
"Whatever lord loveless," Kouga sniffed "Hey how come they smell exactly alike, all twins have a
slightly different scent from each other?"
"They're both Sesshoumaru Kagome answered
"Hah, what? The confused wolf responded
"You heard prince clueless," Inuyasha insulted
"Wait till you hear why," Kagome said and told Kouga what caused it
"Ow,' I am going to kill you," Inuyasha yelled when Kouga smacked his head
"What's wrong with you? Kouga replied "What did you crap your brains out the last time you took a shit in the woods? Explains the healthier than usual foliage"
"It was an accident, besides it's fluffys own fault he got in the way,"
"So you did crap your brains out. Fluffy, for that name alone Sessh ought to kill you," Kouga said
"Wolf you better sleep with one eye open better yet don't sleep at all," Inuyasha wisecracked
"I do believe it is you who should sleep with one eye open," Sesshoumaru told Inuyasha
"Brother I have a gift for our little brother," Maru spoke
"Do tell," Sesshoumaru replied
"Wait right there now don't move," Maru said
Sesshoumaru was a man of action, after all though separated they shared one mind so Sesshoumaru beat his other half to it. In under a second he had one arm around Kagome's waist and the other hand resting on her rounded backside kissing her and his tongue battling hers. Even though she had been caught off guard and very startled at first the miko did not struggle against the inu lord and he could not be happier and was ecstatic when he scented his little brothers ire
Maru applauded "Now little brother watch closely you can learn a few things,"
"Shut up fang face,"
"Note how he takes the lead and uses just the right amount of tongue," Maru was a sadistic one
Later that night
Both Sesshoumaru,s shared the same wicked thought and it would drive Inuyasha up the wall and back down again, Miroku waited with barely maintained self control. That night when the pack went to bed for the night, Inuyasha did what he did every night he scanned the surrounding area for intruders then he did the same thing in the village. His eyes fell upon the miko and he gasped when he saw Kagome who was sandwiched between both Sesshoumaru's sleeping like a baby
"What the fuck is this shit? What are you two planning to have a gang bang three way with her? Inuyasha screamed waking everyone up
"If you wish to continue being a boy I very strongly suggest that you refrain from any further needless outbursts," Sesshoumaru calmly replied
"Yeah you seriously need to shut that toilet you call a mouth before I get pissy about it," Maru warned "Ah forget he is to dense to comprehend anything,"
In a flash Maru disappeared "Ahhhhhhh," carried through the air
"Need a glass with that civilized people use one," Maru taunted
"You, you bastard I'll kill you" Inuyasha screamed while jumping around
"Stop whining princess" or aren't you a man anymore? Yes Mmaru had flown off to an icy snow covered mountain returned with ice and drooped it down into Inuyasha's hakama "Chilled dog keeps the meat fresh,"
"You fuckin," Inuyasha started
"Ah, ah, ah no cursing in front of the young ones," Maru tauntingly scolded while clamping a hand over his mouth
"Maru can I bear your pups?" Sango teased
"I'd be honored,"
"Yawn, come on Rin lets go we're never going to get any sleep around here anyway," Shippou said
"Yes I know a good place," she said then they took their bedding and left Rin holding his hand, Ah Uhn followed
"You won't be killing anyone because I'll be killing you for waking us up" what are you a sadist? Sango said
"He put ice down my pants, let him do it to you and see if you don't scream louder than any man I bet,"
"Aw was little head overheated again from doing all the thinking?" she needled
"Go to bed will you/?" Miroku added
"Hey where the hell are they? Inuyasha said when he finally noticed Sesshoumaru, and Kagome were gone
"My guess would be for a walk," Miroku answered with a devious grin
"Ya right Fluffy left just to go for a walk, I'll believe that when hell has a snowstorm," Inuyasha
"Sesshy's a big boy he can fuc," Maru started
"You were going to say fuc," Inyuasha exploded and was cut off before he could finish
"Yes nutless one a walk in the furry forest, the bat flies into the bat cave, happy pole in the mink hole," Maru needled "Plowing the field rotating the crop,"
"Cough, cough shit he's worse than me," Miroku gasped as he broke out laughing
"Nev, never thought I'd see someone who could out do you," Sango gasped
"Yeah asshole I get it fucking f-u-c-k-i-n-g," Inuyasha snapped spelling it to stress his point
"Saw the wood, poke the bear," Maru continued needling
"He sounds just like Inuyasha," Miroku commented
"But worse, who would ever have thought that Sesshoumaru had a hidden side the same as but worse than Inuyasha aka Inumoutha," Sango said
"Wick in the candle stick, planting the mighty oak tree, pole in the friggin hole duh well in your case somewhere else," Inuyasha shot back
"Show the girls what you've got," Maru replied at the same time pulling Inuyasha's hakama down leaving him standing there with his fundoshi showing "Show them what a Taisho is made of,"
"What the fuck did you do that for bastard? Inuyasha screamed
"For inferring that my pole would go in something other than the correct hole you neanderthal,"
"Half of Sesshoumaru or not I am going to kill you," Inuyasha snapped back his hand was raised deadly claws ready to strike
"Ooo kitty has claws," Maru jabbed
"Yeah and I'm gonna sharpen em on you," the enraged hanyou then swiped his claws at the others midsection
"Give it your best shot puppy,"
Something strange happened when Inuyasha's claws struck Maru became like a ghost and it was as if his claws were hitting air. Maru began fading away he smirked at the hanyou and gave him the finger infuriating him even more, Inuyasha hah,d. Then a howl tore through the forest it was an inu, yes the brothers had been so busy fighting they hadn't realized that over a half hour had passed by giving Sesshoumaru plenty of time to mate with and mark Kagome, then the comical part came
"Hey you pussy get back here and fight like a man you aren't getting away from me," Inuyasha bellowed then it dawned on him "Howl fluffy, Kagome, mating, nooooo,"
"Yeeeeees," Miroku needled "Yes, oh gods yes my Sesshoumaru sama,"
"Miroku you nasty monk," Sango exclaimed "Oh harder Sesshy harder,"
"No my dear that would be naughty monk I am never nasty unless you want me to be," he replied and winked "Now where was I? Oh yes, a little to the left Sesshy sama,"
"Miroku you son of a bitch it ain't funny," Inuyasha snapped
"Inuyasha my friend you have to understand from my position it is very funny," he was grinning evilly "Oh Kagome this is wonderful," he imitated a female voice
"Oh really laughing boy try laughing when you're in the position of my fist in your face," Inuyasha shouted
"Go ahead the ladies love a wounded man they'll comfort, cuddle with me and some even more,"
"Gods damn monk is everything about sex with you?
"You know the old saying loving is always better then fighting any day," Inuyasha did not realize Miroku was keeping him busy so that Sesshoumaru, and Kagome would have more mating time, plus he enjoyed tormenting his hanyou friend
"In your case being a pervert is always better then fighting,"
"You say pervert I say love," Miroku replied "Besides I am a lover not a fighter,"
"Yeah love of pervertedly groping poor unsuspecting innocent girls,"
"Try it some time you might actually like it," the monk teased "At the rate your going you will never get any,"
'I gotta get in on the fun' Sango thought "Inuyasha?
"What?
Sango walked over to the unsuspecting hanyou bent over with her butt up and said "You can practice on me go ahead I don't mind,"
"Do it, do it, do it," Miroku chanted
"Sango what the hel," Inuyasha started when Jaken cut in
"Yes and lord Sesshoumaru is big all over, and I mean big," he needled
"Jaken has a raunchy side? Miroku whispered "Oh well the more the merrier"
"What? What the fuck? I don't want to know that shit," Inuyasha bit, Jaken was immensely enjoying tormenting and riling him "You sick little toad that's my brother,"
"So big I hope he didn't split the poor miko in two, she is such a sweet little thing to I'd miss her terribly," Jaken was having a ball "They don't call him the big oak tree for nothing,"
"You little green sicko I ought to dissect you," Inuyasha snapped
"Then mi lord would will dissect you,"
"Ooo I'm so scared not," Inuyasha said sounding like a child "First I'll roast ya then serve you to all the other demons in the area there won't be much meat but they can share,"
Next morning
"What's going on? Asked Shippou who had just returned with Rin
"Where are Kagome, and lord Sesshoumaru? Rin asked
"I bet I know by the way Inuyasha's acting lord with Sesshoumaru, right?"grinning Shippou said
"The most wonderful news lord Sesshoumaru has just taken a mate," the excited little kappa announced
"Really? Smiling Rin asked
"I thought I heard a howl late last night but I was half asleep," Shippou said
"Whoop dee doo lord red berry popped a cheery let's throw a party," Inuyasha wisecracked
A month had passed Before Kagome, and Sesshoumaru returned "Standing with your hakama down and your fundoshi showing," Sesshoumaru razzed "Have you no shame or decency?
"Wait a minute how the hell did you know tha?" Inuyasha started to ask
"It is simple as my other half began rejoining me I saw his memories he was a busy and fun loving fellow,"
"One I hope to never meet again," Inuyasha replied
"Want to or not I think one day you will," smiling evilly Sesshoumaru said
"Fluffy"
"Hanyou? Sesshoumaru wisecracked
"Hey don't call me hanyou,"
"Yet you do not cease calling me fluffy" do you? Hanyou" Sesshoumaru needled
"Fluffy bastard,"
"Poofy hanyouess," Sesshoumaru shot back
"That's even worse," Inuyasha complained then thought 'Why did I tell him that?
"Hey Shippou I like you," Rin exclaimed and kissed him on the cheek
"I like you to," he replied and did the shame
"Runt" Inuyasha said warningly
"Quiet fool she is the kitsunes future mate," Sesshoumaru stated "I trust him I know he'd never try to take advantage of her he is an honorable kitsune,"
"Thank you lord Sesshoumaru, ha,ha see that Inuyasha honorable," can you claim such? Shippou added "Zombie chaser,"
"Inuyasha you leave my baby alone he's courting," Kagome scolded
"Oh no," Inuyasha moaned when two months later he heard Kagome was pupped
"Yes dear brother little fluffys just for you," Sesshoumaru needled
"How can you do this to me, you hateful prick?"
"It took hours of hard work but it was all worth it in the end uncle Yash," Sesshoumaru needled
"I truly hate you gloating bastard,"
"Do we need to have the talk dear brother? Sesshoumaru teased
"No fucking thank you I know all that shit already genius,"
"Remember I'm here for you baby brother," Sesshoumaru jabbed emphasizing the age difference Inuyasha growled
Story 4
Panty Thief
Sesshoumaru lounged beneath a tree he patiently waited, something had been nagging at him for days curiosity and the need to know what was in the miko's yellow bag was gnawing at him nearly whittling away his sanity. As much as he hated the shade of yellow that bag was he wanted a chance to snoop in it a recent glimpse of something had caught his attention three days back. He had heard Sango, and Kagome talking about a certain item and that is what had peaked his curiosity, Inuyasha jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow
"Damn it Sessh if they catch you listening they'll kill you," Inuyasha warned in a low voice only youkai could hear
"Such concern little brother warms my heart. If you stay silent they will never know," Sesshoumaru replied
"I don't wanna die to,"
"An ulterior motive just as I thought," Sesshoumaru said
"Yeah well you are the only brother I've got you creepy mutt,"
"Such love and devotion," Sesshoumaru teased
"Ah don't go getting all mushy that sappy shit is for girls,"
"Aw and I had a wedding kimono all picked out for you," Sesshoumaru ragged
"Holy fuck man don't say that shit even as a joke cause if Kagome doesn't kill you I will ya creepy bastard,"
"Be a good bride to be and go fetch some water to cook the evening meal,' Sesshoumaru happily needled
"Keep it up you dick and I am going to slice off your tree trunk and shove it so far up your back door you'll need a search party to find it,"
"Ah but alas I fear you have not a sword tool or weapon big or strong enough to deal with or cut said appendage off so I have not a care or concern about it," the sadistically smirking taiyoukai needled
"By all the devils in hell you make my brain bleed," as if in pain holding his head with one hand Inuyasha exclaimed
"Feminine ailments you have my full hearted sympathy," then Sesshoumaru finished him off with "Are we cramping yet? Be sure to bathe regularly the smell really is quite offensive,"
"Thanks fang face now I am going to have nightmares for a week the mental images are already forming and burrowing into my brain and are permanently burning themselves into my memory,"
"No thanks are necessary it is what caring elder brothers do for cherished younger brothers," Sesshoumaru needled barley able to contain he's needing escape laughter
"Kirrara do me a favor while I'm gone and use fluffys butt as a kitty claw sharpener," Inuyasha exclaimed Kirrara meowed and looked at him like he was nuts "Girls they all love the damn moko, moko on legs,"
"It is merely my natural charm that they are drawn to,"
"Forget it later freak," Inuyasha said and took off
"That was really quite enjoyable thought he'd never leave, how about you?" Sesshoumaru asked Kirrara who meowed in agreement
"Hey Kagome Sesshoumaru did something to Inuyasha because he just took off into the woods like a bat out of hell," Sango said
"Don't know what but I am damn sure not complaining,"
The following day
Sesshoumaru patiently waited for the girls to gather their things and head for the hot spring for a bath, as soon as they had finished eating breakfast they left. He barley hid the smirk that lit his handsome face as he eyed Kagome's yellow bag, Inuyasha caught his brothers line of sight and silently shook his head in disbelief. But secretly held comforting visions of Kagome trouncing his large brother then Sango joining in and helping the hanyous heart leaped with joy then he came back to reality
"Sesshoumaru whatever your thinking if I were you I would not do it," Inuyasha warned
"I am a big dog and very well able to take care of myself,"
"Okay but it's your funeral Kagome is not afraid and though only half your size mess with her shit and she'll attack. And Sango well she is just plain crazy and would merely consider it a good workout,"
Inuyasha told him
"I am well aware of the slayers capabilities have no fear little brother,"
"Okay it was nice having a big brother while it lasted but all good things must come to an end,"
the grinning evilly hanyou said "Sniff, sniff I'll miss you bro," he teased wiping fake tears away
"Weren't you supposed to be doing something?
"Yes father," Inuyasha said and left leaving the happy taiyoukai to do his thing
"Lord Sesshoumaru, lord Sesshoumaru?" Jaken's annoying high pitched voice pierced his sensitive ears
'Note to self remember to kill imp later" he thought "What is it?
"I've been looking everywhere for you,"
"And? Sesshoumaru replied questioningly
"That is it I am happy to have found you is all,"
"Jaken?
"Yes mi lord? The imp responded with a quivering voice
"I would very much appreciate it if you'd go and pick some berries for me use one of the bags in Ah Uhn's saddle bag to collect them in get all that you can,"
"Yes lord Sesshoumaru," the little kappa took off eager to please his lord
"Now where was I, oh yes?'
Once again Sesshoumaru intensely eyed the object of his affection the yellow bag he sniffed the air then looked all around to make sure no one was there. As he sniffed toward the bag a delectable scent hit his sensitive canine nose. He swiftly rose to his feet pulled back the flap on Kagome's bag reached one hand in and felt around until his clawed fingers came across something soft and smooth he slowly and gently pulled it out. He held up his prize a sexy lace pair of panties this was new to him he'd never seen such a thing before he eyed the matching bra on the top of the pile of stuff in the bag
"Such a torturous contraption, it must be some form of female punishment," he said to himself
He fingered his soft Lacey pink prize it intrigued the scent of miko hit his nose yes she had definitely worn it recently there he inhaled deeply and put them to his nose, after a few good long sniffs satisfied him he slipped the treasure into his haori. Upon further investigation he found a cherry red item similar to the pink panties it smelled like cherries mixed with miko the scent alone sent a burst of flavor across his tongue and he was hooked he had to have more. As with the pink ones he held it to his nose sniffing intently Sesshoumaru was lost in his own world and all that was there was cherry flavored miko
He opened the red panties this time holding the crotch to his nose also keeping it against his face this continued for a time until the inu lord felt and decided that that alone was not enough he needed more. Again he held the red treat up next his tongue came out the tip gliding across it the taste exploding across his tongue so intense his golden eyes nearly rolled back in his head, the big inu was in euphoria. He went back to sniffing and that is when a gasp followed by a deer carcus hitting the ground woke him from his dream state
"What, what the hell are you doing? Inuyasha asked 'I cannot be seeing what I thought I just saw' he thought
"Hmm" was Sesshoumaru only response
"Put it back she's going to kill you man,"
Sesshoumaru once again and this time with a witness to see it glided his tongue across the crotch of the red panties "Pant, pant,"
"What the fuck did you just? Oh I cannot believe it" Inuyasha said again Sesshoumaru licked "You did, you did do it you sick son of a bitch," he scolded 'Damn fluffy is a muff diver' he thought
"Hmmm," Sesshoumaru groaned then even faster plunged the whole crotch into his mouth
'You sick bastard, eew. I thought the damn monk was bad he ain't got anything on you, you make him look like an innocent virgin angel," Inuyasha exclaimed Sesshoumaru sucked on it "That's disgusting you really are a sick bastard you know that oh I want to puke?" holding his stomach he took off
Meanwhile Kagome, and Sango had returned and saw the last part dropped their things on the ground were holding their stomachs doubled over laughing so hard their sides ached "Did, did you see Inuyasha his face? Sango gasped
"I know it w was too much," Kagome barely got out "But you know it really is too bad,"
"What do you mean? Panting for air Sango asked
"Tha, hehehe that that they aren't real panties, well not cloth anyways their made of cherry candy,"
"Hah, what? Bewildered Sango replied
"Yep in my time women wear them like panties and the man eats them off of her I only tried them on once,"
"Whoa kinky and freaky," Sango exclaimed
"Perhaps I should have waited until you were in them," a deep baritone voice said both women who had forgotten about the inu lord turned and looked "Panties they are called what are they for?"
"Their kinda like a modern day female fundoshi," she started "You didn't get the real ones but Inuyasha thinks you did this is the best feudal era day of my life,"
"Are you sure? Sesshoumaru teasingly asked
"What? Both women asked in unison
"Are you sure? He repeated
"What do you mean? Kagome questioned
Sesshoumaru reached into his haori pulled out his pink treasure waved them back and forth and at the same time said "Are you sure? Because there are these," he sniffed "Sweet ambrosia,"
"Sesshoumaruuuuu," she shrieked
"Yeeeees? He teased
"Your dead," and the chase began "Give that back,"
"I will when you tell me what their for better yet put them on and show me," he kept running
A heavy breath release was heard and Sango spun around "Help I'm dying," laughing Miroku gasped as he landed on his ass
"Oh some somebody rub my belly it is kill killing me," falling out of the bushes Jaken panted
"You two were watching that? Sango asked
"We arrived at the part where Inuyasha dropped the deer and hid," Miroku explained
"Yes it isn't every day you get to see lord Sesshoumaru involved in such hilarity," Jaken stated "And I never even dreamed he had a perverted side, it is refreshing to know,"
"A rare sight and treat it is," Miroku added "And Inuyasha oh my gods that was hilarious,"
"Master Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru sama, cherry panties, chased by miko," Laughing all over again Jaken exclaimed
"May, maybe it will be miko bites dog," Miroku joked
"St, stop I cannot take anymore," Jaken said
About half an hour later a female shriek was heard then all went dead quiet. Three hours passed by then a howl rang through the forest "Sesshoumaru," Miroku exclaimed
"He's taken a mate, after all these long years he has finally taken a mate," Jaken commented
Inuyasha came back "Yeah I heard fluff likes girls," the grinning wiseass remarked
"Foolish boy he always has he simply hadn't found the right one until now," Jaken told him
Sango told Inuyasha about the cherry panties "Inuyasha you were priceless," Miroku added
"The whole time I thought the perverted bastard was a cloth pantie freak the fucker really had me going. Well I still think he is a freak, but edible panties interesting," Inuyasha said
Story 5
Modern Vamps
Being the modern vampire he was Sesshoumaru was still much as he was in the feudal era perfectly organized immaculately clean and everything in order he vacuumed his coffin with a dust buster, and sprayed it with his favorite scent sandalwood, he absolutely abhorred uncleanliness clutter and disorganization. Every day it was his ritual to make sure everything was exactly the way he liked it especially his padded oak wood coffin lined with beautiful soft thick red velvet with a matching pillow, yup you know it he was one of those high class vampires business world the whole nine yards
Well pleased with the results of his cleaning Sesshoumaru decided to rest relax sit back and read a book, so he went and sat in his favorite suede covered chocolate brown high back recliner chair, pulled the lever making the foot rest pop up stretched out and began reading. As bed time approached Sesshoumaru was tired and ready for a nice long relaxing sleep in his luxurious coffin. Sango, Kagome and the other vampires were already bedded down
"Hanyou? A voice called
"Hope you like your gift big bro," Inuyasha aka Pestyasha said
"Inuyasha you filthy lower then vermin mangy mutt," Sesshoumaru snapped
"What did you do? And why must the rest of us be kept awake? Miroku demanded to know
"Nothing," Inuyasha lied
"Inuyasha go undo whatever it is you did or you'll be this evenings meal," Sango informed him he gulped "Remember we outnumber you and can take you easy,"
"I just left the big sissy a gift top quality merchandise nothing cheap and I even put a nice silk blue bow on it and everything,"
"Inuyasha? Kagome called
"Yes wenchykins? He teased she smiled sweetly with angelic eyes
"Uh oh she's smiling," Miroku exclaimed
"Creepy, hah? One dead vamp soon to be served up sliced and hot" Sango joked
"It's late I'm tired," she said angelically then "If you do not tell us what you did I am going to rip your fucking pretty face and ass off, put your face where your ass used to be and your ass will replace your face, and everyone can call you bubble butt head," she yelled
"Whoa she is swearing' Sango said
"And she never does that," Miroku added
"Eek okay my favorite wench I'll tell you no need for violence, I put a nice," Inuyasha started
"Garlic, the rabid rodent thought it humorous to and put garlic in my coffin," Sesshoumaru told them holding up three big bunches of garlic tied together like a bouquet of flowers with a blue bow "What next a silver cross?
"Well I didn't use the cheap stuff the bow is pure silk only the best for you big bro" so what are you bitching about? Inuyasha had the nerve to ask
"Gee thanks,"
"Eeeee" Inuyasha shrieked when suddenly his fangs clamped hard down onto a mouth full of garlic cloves with Sesshys help
"Bon appetite Taisho San," Sesshoumaru said and slapped him on the back making him swallow good sized piece and grinned when he coughed
"You can sleep in here with me," Kagome offered Sesshoumaru grinned
"Thanks little brother you just handed the miko to me, actually me to her but who cares I like my new coffin mate," he teased
"Cough bas cough tard," he choked
"Wuss man up," Sesshoumaru replied "It's good for and cleans the blood,"
Later on exhausted Inuyasha went to his coffin to retire half asleep and not paying attention he raised the lid and climbed in "Hello lover, what kept you?" Jakotsu greeted
"Eew, fluffy you bastard,"
"When's the wedding? Sesshoumaru needled
"Ain't gonna be no wedding but there's damned sure going to be a funeral in here in under a minute," the furious hanyou snapped
"Suicide such a dishonorable thing to do and the act of a true coward," Sesshoumaru shot back
"Not me moron you,"
"Still living in a child's world? Sesshoumaru badgered
"No ass wad I'm living in an insane asylum and you're the head nut in charge,"
"Ooo did someone overdose on bitch pills this morning?" Sesshoumaru was on a roll and was not about to stop now
"No but I can clearly see that you triple overdosed on bastard pills an enema should cure that up quick fast and in a hurry,"
"Are you speaking from experience dear brother?" Sesshoumaru shot back "You need not have shared that information it is after all a very private thing,"
"Ah shut up and go smoke your pipe,"
Kagome had really changed since becoming a vampire in many ways some shocking. They were all vampires thanks to a curse placed on them by dying in battle Naraku "I'll smoke your pipe Sesshy," Inuyasha gasped 'No peeking Yashy,"
"What the fuc? Inuyasha started "Wench haven't you heard this is a no smoking zone? TMI to much information damn that's nasty woman," than added "If fluffy gives you head better pray fanged head is a bitch ouch," he razzed
"A naughty miko even after all this time I would never have expected it," Sesshoumaru commented
"Boys what can I say the new Kagome doesn't screw around," she said
"The new Kagome needs to be tranquilized gagged and locked in a cage," Inuyasha commented
"Now you leave our Kagsy alone I love her just the way she is," Jakotsu playfully scolded
"Oh yeah I almost forgot about you out of my coffin before I get tetsuseiga out of the closet and proceed to make sushi out of you," Inuyasha threatened
"Hey folks I have an idea it's late we're not going to get any sleep anyway thanks to lord bark and prank, so what do you say we have nice hot fresh hanyou steaks?" Sango said licking her lips
"Yes I always become ravenous when kept up late, uncontrollably ravenous," Miroku added then licked his lips
"Bastard, I know something you can eat" why don't you go do that? Inuyasha needled
"Is that the type of service your restaurant specializes in now a days? Sesshoumaru asked with false indignation
"Shut up and go iron your log it's bent like your warped brain," Inuyasha shot back
"Nothing doing," Kagome said
"What's it to you? Stay out of this wench," Inuyasha replied
"I'm the only one who'll be ironing that log,"
"Beep, beep, beep," Sango whispered to Miroku
"Woman why are you beeping, are you a metal detector now,"
"No that's my pervert detector," Sango answered
"Well it is not for me I have been a good little vamp monk all day,"
"No not you Kagome she has out done you never thought I'd see that," Sango told him
"Sniff it's times like this a father smiles and weeps with pride," fake crying Miroku teased
"Aw what a nice papa you are,"
"Jeez Kagome give it a rest will ya, my perv o meter is already on overload?" Inuyasha said
"Are you a man or an infant?
"I should think that would be obvious," Inuyasha retorted "What about you?
"An occupied miko," Sesshoumaru answered for her, his coffin had completely aired out by the time the sniping wound down
"Occupied? The curious hanyou questioned
"You heard me Junior," Sesshoumaru replied, in a streak he and Kagome disappeared next all that was heard was the closing of the lid of Sesshoumaru's room for two oversized coffin in his room
"Hah? stunned silent Inuyasha exclaimed
"If this coffins rocking don't come a knocking," grinning Miroku teased
"Sesshys knocking boots," Jakotsu joked
"Looks like you have a new vamp in law," Sango said
"Great I garlic the prick and the bastard gets laid," Inuyasha said "Maybe I should'a garliced myself instead,"
"Go ahead garlic flavored inu vamp sounds good to me," Sango teased
"I'll take mine raw," Jakotsu teased
"I am surrounded and outnumbered by lunatics," Inuyasha exclaimed
"We love you Inu baby," they replied in unison
