Written here in this beginning paragraph in bold is not entirely important and can be skipped. For those who read it, I'll try keeping it short.
First, as you surely all know, I do not own Loveless, it's character, or it's storyline. Also be aware that I used a few exact quotes. I won't point them out in the story, as that would be distracting.
Second, I will explain a bit about my story here.
This isn't one of those fanfics that have nothing to do with the story. This is my version of Loveless. It is my intention to use the manga and maybe the anime to keep my story in touch.
As a warning, I must say this story is not centered around sex, but it does have mature yaoi moments. I trust you all know the ages of the characters and are prepared for any sexuality I may throw in. Also beware of abuse.
This is the only author's note I intend to include in this story. Please enjoy.
A world without you isn't a world at all.
They say traumatic experiences change people.
Any number of things can go wrong in your head.
It's like a scar that never fades.
"Ritsuka... Wake up Ritsuka."
Such a soft, gentle voice... Let me sleep just a bit longer.
"It's time to wake up, Ritsuka."
"Good morning, Seimei... Seimei? Where are you? Where did you go?"
Was I hearing things?
"Ritsuka... Help. Help me, please."
"Seimei! I can't see you. Where are you?"
"Ritsuka please! It hurts!"
No... No! Seimei... Where is he?
"Seimei!"
Silence.
Painful, deafening silence.
"Don't leave me... Please. Never leave me. Don't leave me alone!"
Ritsuka's desperate screams echoed back to him, mixing with the sound of his footsteps.
Running... Running, but never seeming to get any closer.
Answer me Seimei..
"Gah!"
"Seimei! Please be okay... I can't lose you!"
"R-Ritsuka! In the classroom... You have to hurry! I can't take this much longer..."
Does this hallway ever end? Can't breathe...
Hesitantly, he grasped the handle to his classroom door.
What's happening? What am I about to see?
The door swung open. Flames erupted around Seimei like an angry beast... Burning. Burning everything but the ropes holding Seimei to Ritsuka's chair.
"Ahg! R-Ritsuka... Y-you shouldn't... S-see me l-like this... Gah!"
"Seimei! I'll get you out! Just hold on!"
Ritsuka tried to take a step forward, but the floor turned to mush. It wrapped around his foot, pulling him in.
"I... I can't move!"
"Ritsuka! It hurts! Make it stop!"
"I'm trying! I... I'm... Seimei please! Why is this happening? You're all I have! You can't leave me!"
Ritsuka reached out for him, fighting with all his strength, but Seimei only seemed to be moving further away from his grasp.
"I can't reach you..."
Seimei's screams pounded violently against Ritsuka's eardrums, tearing his heart into one thousand tiny pieces. Finally, he managed to touch Seimei's hand... His last hope. It disintegrated in his hold and vanished. Everything started to disappear... Ritsuka was going under.
"I... Won't make it... Much longer."
The flames traveled up Seime's body... Slowly destroying him. And all Ritsuka could do was watch.
"Seimei... I love you..."
"Ritsuka!"
Ritsuka's body jolted forward. Sweat coated his hot, red skin like a suit and he grasped at his throat.
"Ritsuka, what's going on?!"
"Don't leave me!"
"Ritsuka!" A female voice brought him back.
" S-sensei...? What is... Why am I..." He panted. "It was... A dream?"
"Calm down... Tell me what happened."
"I couldn't do anything, Sensei. I tried. I gave it my all, but I couldn't. Seimei's dead. I couldn't help him."
"Seimei... I see."
"He blames me... I could see it in his eyes. He trusted me with his life, but I just let him burn. What kind of brother am I? What kind of monster does that?!"
"Ritsuka! You aren't a monster! Don't ever say that!"
Ritsuka stopped, his eyes wide. The world was finally settling around him.
"Sensei..."
Tick... Tick... Tick.
Can't break the silence.
"It was only a dream, Ritsuka. Seimei's death was not your fault."
"How... How could he leave me? I thought... I thought he would never... I loved him so much... So why?"
"I... I can't answer that, Ritsuka. Death is... Well, it happens to all of us. No one can tell you why."
Tears ached to fall. Crying is for little kids... I'm too old to cry now.
"I'm tired, Sensei. I should go home now. Thank you for letting me sleep here..."
He gathered his bag and left without another word.
The sky wept for him.
Sometimes, the scar runs so deep... Becomes so painful...
That some even go insane.
~Aoyagi Household~
"Ritsuka! Did the hypnosis work?" A sullied woman embraced him tightly. "You've come back to me, right?"
"I... I'm sorry, Mother... I'm still..."
Her arms fell to her side and she looked away, pain welling up inside of her.
"Can't you look at me? Mother?" He reached up to touch her shoulder, but she slapped his hand away coldly.
"Don't call me that! Only Ritsuka and Seimei can call me that!"
"Please don't be that way... Mother, I..."
A very familiar stinging sensation erupted across his cheek.
"Give me my Ritsuka back!"
"I'm sorry Mother... I'm going to sleep." He ran to his room before she could reply, hoping she wouldn't follow. "Goodnight."
He received a scream in reply and sunk to the floor in front of his door... His heart pounding in his chest. After a moment, he crawled into bed, weary of sleep. The light began to fade before him and his mind started to race. Dreams lit up his brain and his eyes twitched lightly. Colours flashed and sounds roared. The world was in the palm of his hand... until...
"Ow!"
His eyes shot open, though they were rendered useless by a pillow being pressed over his face as angry fists shot into his stomach.
His nails dug into the soft material stealing the oxygen from his body and he kicked until he lost feeling in his legs. Lost feeling in his body. Drifting... Floating away once more... His mother continued to brutalise his unconscious body in her fit of rage until she,too, gave in to exhaustion.
Some try to block it out and lose sight of who they are in the process.
The sun rose that morning, as it always did.
Ritsuka's eyes opened cautiously to find his mother passed out over him.
She must have been at it for a while... I deserved it.
He took her by the arms and pulled until she was safe in her bed. She looked so peaceful in her sleep...
"I'm going to school." His voice was soft and forgiving.
Which one am I?
You could say "Ritsuka" is already gone.
This is my punishment.
Seimei... Why couldn't I have died in your place?
I'm not the one everyone wants to see...It's you.
I suppose in a way, I did die...
To be continued...
