hmfan24: I have a plot in my pocket.

Itachi: What the hell is wrong with you?

hmfan: T.T You don't mean that do you?

Itachi: duh...

hmfan: Anyway, I was watching The Tyra Show. And today they were talking about mail-order wives. And it made me think of how I could make a SasuHina story with it. Since the process is so do-able.

Itachi: Damn, you need a life.

hmfan: So...not a one-shot? One shots are too long for me. Beware of the drama...

You Break her, you buy Her

It was a novel ideal. Brilliant! If he had just the right amount of money. The head of the clan snick- no he laughed out loud, Money is no object, but it doesn't hurt to make more. He went through files and files, thanks to his authority, and pulled a handful of folders with the village's bachelors on it. Fine Shinobi! Anyone of them could take away what he considered trash.

He only had a few qualifications: strong, dazzling, smart, honest, young and honorable. His sick grin melted into a straight face, "Hinata!"

His seventeen-year-old daughter ran in, half asleep, in her night gown, "Hai!" She stood up straight and tall, but then glanced over at her father's desk and frowned. He was planning something. And chances are, she won't like it.

"Hinata, you realize your birthday is in, what?" he forgot her birthday. Usual.

She reminded him, "December 27th."

He glared at her, "Yes, coming up. And you still haven't showed yourself as an elite Kunoichi." She frowned deeply, blushing. She'd become a Jounin. A Jounin! And there were talks of her becoming an Elite Jounin. Hiashi stared at the files on the desk, "Tell me daughter, has anyone caught you eye."

What is he planning? The Hyuga kunoichi nodded, "Only training, sir."

The head slammed the file in his hand on the desk, making Hinata flinch, "Cut the crap, Hinata, you know what the hell I'm talking about. Who have you found attractive?" Not that it matters. In the end, it'll be the boy that can support the Hyuugas the most.

Her head lowered, "Ano," she was about the mumble, but caught herself and spoke up, "Uzumaki Naruto."

Hiashi furrowed his eyebrows, "Is that so, daughter? The Kyuubi?" He scowled, but then thought about it. He has proven himself, and perhaps a plausible mate for my daughter, but there has to be someone else...better. He looked at the other six men, "Anyway...as you know there are many young men around your age. There's that Nara kid, your...teammates, and..."

"Father." she interrupted unintentionally, "I'm sorry, father, but may I ask 'Where are you getting at?"

He was slightly appalled, but chose not to show it, "If you want me to get to the point then fine...I will." He moved to the side of his desk, gathering up all the files in one stack, "You are to get married before your eighteenth birthday." Hinata widened her eyes, and was woken of her sleepy stupor, "I have decided to sell you to the man that can make the best offer. By asking you who you like was simply to make this process easier."

She began to feel light-headed, "You'll sell me, father? I'm not property, father! I made the ANBU and I'm on my way to becoming an Elite Jonin." She was mad, but cursing didn't cross her mind. Even that couldn't describe the rage and pain she was feeling, "What if I were to fall in love on my own?"

The fiend belittled her, "I don't give a damn of what you would do. You will do what's right for the clan, and if selling yourself to someone will help is, then it is your burden to do so." He sat back down, "Be in the council room in your best attire by noon. Now, they're just looking today. You won't get married off until a later date." He closed his eyes.

The heiress ran out, back to bed to cry.


Two men were talking at a ramen shop. If you were to take a closer look, you would see one lone Uchiha and a blonde Uzumaki. The Uzumaki spoke, "And then I got this scroll with writing on it." He revealed it to his friend.

The Uchiha smirked, "So what, I got one as well." He sat it down, "It's not from the Hokage, so it's unimportant."

Naruto began reading it aloud. Really aloud, "It says, 'Dear Recipient, You have been chosen to-"

Sasuke scoffed, "Don't read it out loud." He picked at his seafood ramen. It was nasty, but he didn't say anything. His old teammate, Sakura, was away for now. And while she's gone, he can enjoy peace by not talking.

Naruto screamed, "Hey, Sasuke!" Sasuke gave him the look that said, 'I'm right here dumbass.', "Hinata's going to be put up to sell as a bride!"

The words rang at the Uchiha's ears. He decided to read his own.

Dear Recipient,

You have been chosen to be a potential husband to the Hyuuga heiress, Hyuuga Hinata. For the sake of the clan, she will be offered at as starting price of 600000 ryo and nothing less. If you're a young man who is looking for a quiet, neat, and weak wife, I suggest you meet my daughter at approximately noon August 9th. Dress nicely.

From, Hiashi

Sasuke was indeed interested, but he refused to show it, "The scroll looked like it was written by a two year old. It's probably not real." That's Hyuuga Hiashi's handwriting all right. He rolled it up, putting it near his sword, "I wouldn't patronize it."

The blonde nodded, "You're probable right. I bet it's Konohamaru's team. They like to prank people. The Hyuuga clan wouldn't do anything stupid like that." He laughed. If Hinata were put up for sell... he shook his head, I like Sakura.

Soon they parted their ways. Sasuke, to the Uchiha complex. He was searching for a nice kimono.


More than the requested men showed up. Who knew that so many men had private fantasies about the young heiress. They even received visits from thirty year old men, supposed homosexuals, closet perverts, perverts, rich men, poor men, hobos, and a guy that went by the name of 'Keiko'. It'd been a long day.

Hinata was getting quite bored and resorted to count out how many flaws she saw in the men. Against her nature, of course, she was trying to imagine a crappy life with each one. Alas, she still smiled and flirted with the Hyuuga honor. When the last man showed up, she was getting excited, but more depressed. What if no one even wanted her? She let out a sigh. Then she'd be happy? She didn't want to get married.

Hiashi on the other hand was completely neurotic. (scaring away half of the men) He yelled, "Damn it, does anyone want her?" He paced back and forth, thinking of anything to make his daughter more desirable. It wasn't her that was forcing men out the doors. It seemed his requirements were stricter than predicted. Despite what he thought, he didn't think anyone was good enough for his daughter.

"Too mean."

"Too nice."

"Too aggressive."

"Too shy."

"Are you gay or something?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Pervert."

"Jackass."

Who would want to marry the daughter of that?

"I don't care if I'm-..." the Uchiha walked in, meting eyes with the young Hyuuga heiress. He felt heart rise to his cheeks. Blushing was the Uchiha?


hmfan: I'm sleepy.

Itachi: Is that why you forgot the disclaimer?

hmfan: Oh, yes, I don't own any of the characters, and I don't think I own the plot.

Itachi: Oh God! Is this going to be another humor fic.

hmfan: I don't know. I hope not...I'm really trying, y'all. Work with me. Anyway, Sasuke may seem OOC in parts, but when is he ever not?

Itachi: When good authors write with him.

hmfan: Anyway... NaruHinaSasu is possible. You like? I've never tried it. Also NaruSasuHina is possible. So is HinaNaruSaku. Hell, NejiSasuHina is possible at this point, but I'm seriously thinking about NaruHinaSasu. So, grade me? (copy and paste)

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