Pinstripe: BTW I'm writing this story to let out my feelings about my anorexia nervosa my eating disorder. To know more about this look it up on wiki.
*Most events are based on things i've actually gone through
Alois:*Hugs Pinstripe* It's ok Pinny
Pinstripe: Thanks Alois :)
"Hikaru, could you tighten my corset?" I asked looking in the mirror at my show clothes. A black and baby-blue corset set loose around my waist, a matching skirt tight around my hips, blue fishnets laced my legs along with my black stiletto heels on my small feet.
"Sure." My older twin came up from behind me wearing no shirt, black dress pants a pinstriped top hat and a cane in his hand.
He dropped his cane to pull at the ribbons that made me slightly skinnier.
The corset pulled at my rib-cage, tighter and tighter.
"That's enough Hika." I said in a rather high-pitched voice. "Alright ." He tied the ribbon in a bow before hugging his arms around my shoulders, resting his angular chin on the left. His sweet peach colored lips pressed my collar bone. "Ready to perform little brother?" He asked me with his loving voice.
"I'm as ready as i'll ever be."
I got up to go to my "cage". Which was more like a stage in reality.
"Renge's traveling host club." It's all my brother and I have ever known. As children we helped with costumes and stage set-up never talking to the other children or the mature teen and adult host's we secretly admired.
Lady Renge didn't even believe we could talk until we said "Yes" at being hosts when we turned 13.
There was no need to talk, no one acknowledged us let alone speak to us.
Thing's changed a bit when we became host's. We met Tamaki-senpai , Mori-senpai, Honey-senpai, Kyoya-senpai and Renge's step-daughter Haruhi. She's twelve. At the moment we are sixteen we've been host's for three years now. It's hard to believe it because it seems like the spotlight has always been shining on us.
I pulled open the red curtain to see a stool which my other half then sat on.
I straddled him getting ready for the customers. "Hey Kyouya." I waved to the other cage, where the raven haired boy sat with a dark cloak pulled over his head, complimenting the smart suit he had on that matched Hikaru's hat.
"Hello Kaoru, Hikaru." He nodded
"Hey guys! Isn't my costume gorgeous?" and here comes Tamaki.
He was dressed up in white tiger print shorts with and cape and tank top that matched. Little white fake tiger ears were perched upon his head.
"I see Renge really wanted to keep with the circus theme."
I snuggled into the crook of Hikaru's neck. My breath on his skin gave him little goosebumps across his skin. Haruhi walked past our cage her bobbed hair bouncing around his face and her nose in a book. "You guys know that the customers will be here in 5...4...3...2..." A large group of men, woman and young girls crowded into our tent.
Fingers, eyes and faces looked glued to the bars.
Time for the show.
My counterparts fingers rubbed my thighs slowly and sexually.
A soft girlish noise irrupted from my throat.
At the same time we looked to the crowd, looking at them as if they were a car and we were scared fawns. We did it to up our cute factor. I stood up from my position, walking towards the bars. I faced Hikaru and bent down slowly to reach the brown concrete floor to show off my ass. Instead of getting my usual applaude, cheer or gasps. I felt a hand push me.
A large, forceful, rough hand grabbed my pale butt. Pushing me, making me crash onto a bench, splitting it in half.
Splinters jabbed into my arms.
The crowd began to laugh and jeer at me. "Fattie!" Yelled one. "FAT WHORE!" Another shouted. "Your the chubby twin!" Yelled a girl. "LOSE SOME WEIGHT!" A man screamed. "Don't break the stage!" All those hateful voices echoing in my head.
Kyoya and Tamaki had even stopped performing to stare at this disaster in shock.
Hot tears streamed down my face like a heavy rain fall. My body shook. Am I really...Fat? Or are they just saying this because I broke the bench?
"Leave my brother the HELL alone!" Shouted a familiar voice over the others. The crowd grew as quiet as an empty church. "H-Hika?" My voice trembled. I continued to cry shamelessly. "How dare you! ALL OF YOU!" While Hikaru continued to scream his heart out at the crowd I crawled away, pathetically dragging myself on the ground.
I slipped behind the curtain, pushing the red velvet away.
I pulled the dirty ribbon from the corset, my ribs in pain from the fall. Shallow scratched littered my arms, while deeper cuts dug into my sides from the corset rubbing against me when I hit the wood.
My legs weak, I scrambled toward Hikaru and I's shared dressing mirror. Two of the blindingly bright light bulbs were broken.
I used all of my arm strength to pull myself up using the red canvas chair that I sat in when getting ready.
I stood there staring at myself.
Skinny arms, flat chest, ribs slightly visible, skinny neck, and angular face. I'm not fat am I? I looked down to my stomach, it bulged out slightly. My shaking hand pulled up my skirt, my thighs looked pudgy. Like a 10 year old who hadn't lost their baby-fat. It a 28 inch waist fat?
I grabbed my stomach with my pale hands, the skin stretched out when I grabbed it.
"Maybe...I could try to eat less..." I pondered to myself, glancing self-consciously in the looking glass.
"That's it i'll just cut out on snacks, it'll be fine." I turned slightly relieved. Until I saw the face of the woman who practically raised me...Renge.
"What the hell was that Kaoru!" She angrily knocked down the only picture I had of Hikaru and I with our family before they died. The precious photo fell from the dressing table. The frame fell apart and the glass shattered as it hit the dirt ground. "NO!" I shouted, bending down to pick up the picture.
I cut my finger on the glass surrounding it, a bead of crimson formed on the digit.
The cold-hearted woman snatched my picture from my trembling fingers.
"Kaoru, I don't want what happened to happen again you hear me? By next show I want you skinnier, so your fat ass doesn't ruin my show!" "B-But Aunt Renge the next show is tomorrow..." Yes, Renge is my aunt sadly.
"Exactly and if you don't...bye,bye Mommy and Daddy." She pretended to rip the picture.
"NO! I'll do it! Really.."
"Good boy." She patted my head then cackled, leaving me alone.
Hikaru finally came out from the stage when she left. "We ended the show early..." He sounded sorry as If he was the one who pushed me. "Want to go to bed Kao-chan? You've had a long day." I nodded, sniffling. I winced when my love put his arm around my waist. We edged towards out bed, footsteps identical.
I sat on the blue matress which was held up by a skinny, white, victorian frame.
Multiple luxurious, soft pillows littered the bed, along with a golden sheet and a black fluffy comforter.
I collapsed into out voluntarily shared bed. Hikaru did the same after me. I pulled off my skirt and girls panties Renge made me wear and cuddled nude with Hikaru as I often did.
He kicked off his pant and boxers so he was naked as well.
The wind practically blew through our tent making me shiver. Most nights were cold like this, but my loving twin always makes me warm. "Kaoru..." He kissed my nose softly. My blush was barely seen in the dark. I hid my face in his naked chest. "Just remember Kaoru...Don't listen to them. You're beautiful and skinny." He fingered my wavy ginger locks.
I didn't respond to his words.
I just gripped his back and nuzzled his warm chest.
"I love you little brother..." Although I had heard him utter those words a million times, it triggered something that made me cry. "Shhhh..." He tempted to calm me.
"Hikaru.." I looked up, tears staining my cheeks.
He stroked the side of my face. "Kaoru..." His lips lowered onto mine. I pressed mine against his. His kisses are so intoxicating. His hand traveled along my chest. I pulled myself closer to his warm body.
That hand that stroked my chest so softly moved lower and lower, reaching my thighs.
I moved his hand up.
My twin removed his lips from mine, gasping for air like a fish on land.
"What's wrong Kao?" He pushed my bangs out of my face. "I'm...not in the mood.." I turned away from him, twisting my body sideways. "Don't you want to make love to me Kaoru?" He actually sounded a little hurt. "We have every night since we confessed our love four years ago...don't you want to..."
"J-Just stop Hikaru..." I don't want to hurt him...I'm just not in the emotional state to do this now..
"Please baby...please..." His pink lips caressed my neck, sucking and biting, making me moan. "H-Hika..."
I felt like crying.
I don't want him making love to...to this body. Even if I wanted him to i'm too emotionally stressed out. "Please Kaoru, I'll do anything." He licked up my neck all the way up to my ear, making me gasp. "F-fine Hikaru...whatever makes you happy...Whatever makes you happy..."
I feel like i'm split in two...I want to touch him and have him touch me so bad...but not now. My mind feels crowded. Right now I need him to hug and hold me. I want my body to be perfect for him, he deserves a sex god not a second rate fat whore. I should cry but I don't want him to know my secret pain. Just the pain that's obvious.
"I love you Kaoru..."
Pinstripe:That was hard to write espcially since i'm on one of my bad days with "Ana"
Alois: We understand Pinny.
Pinstripe:I plan to write more!
-chu
