A/N: This is some silly fun for a holiday escape from the real world. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. :-)


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the mortuary

the pathologist wasn't hurrying, just one body to bury.

Her hands were washed in the sink with great care

in hopes that a man with some pizza soon would be there.

Even on holidays she took care of the dead

happy Robbie was home with some garlic bread.

She kept busy with her charge so she wouldn't be broody

then answered a phone call from Chief Superintendent Moody.

To enjoy her work she did endeavour

not too difficult when you are clever.

Laura finished her task with the body on the slab

and hoped that someone would stop by to gab.

She lined up her scalpels all in a set

and wished she had remembered her clarinet.

The microscopes were nestled all snug in their bin

while Laura had visions of Beefeater Gin.

Across town sits James holding hands with his dad

and he settled his brain so he wouldn't be sad.

His retreat with his sister had started a thaw

and Nell's feelings for her brother were no longer raw.

Back at the place where bodies are cold

Laura pulled up the sheet on the whiskered poor soul.

It was all too quiet and she felt strange

dreaming her evening excitement would change.

When out in the car park there arose such a clatter

she left her flat mate to see what was the matter.

Away to the plexi-glass she flew like a flash

turned to the corpse and said, 'must dash'.

The sky was ablaze with a firework once lit

no time to worry about an obit.

When what to her wandering eyes should appear

but DC Alex Gray with a sleigh full of beer.

Faster than sprinters her colleagues they came

And she whistled and shouted and called them by name;

Hi Maddox and Gurdip, and Jean Innocent,

on Rawbone and Peterson and James, she went.

So into the lab her colleagues they flew

with Robbie and Lyn and wee Jack too.

Robbie gazed at her and put down his grub

then gave her a kiss like the one in the pub.

They kept at it until Jean said 'evenin' all'

whence they parted lips and started the ball.

Laura was dressed in scrubs from her head to her foot

and her clothes were all tarnished with corpsal output.

Lyn gave her a wrap she knitted as a gift

and Laura's change of garb was really quite swift.

She settled in for a long evening's party

and expected James to act like a smarty.

Then what to her lovely eyes should appear

but a legion of Hobsonfans, filled with good cheer;

heypolly so jolly and DMADDICT always alert

for when m cuthbert makes Laura flirt,

With loulouberry so merry and bjo all aglow

her fans came in after a trudge in the snow.

Carrying a large box was WitchRavenFox

dressed in the fanciest of Christmas frocks.

With Fruitcake and Poorsausage spread out on a tray,

all treats to be served up by BTA.

In comes Valdamar in a Mark 2 Jaguar

so GEB1920 aplenty does not have to go far.

Here's TinyCucumber always kind to a newcomer

so the crowd can find joy with Richie the blue drummer.

Laura began to speak to the group

and they listened intently while eating their soup.

Give mahseeker a loudspeaker to hear Laura's plans

for Lewis, britsitcom, and Crimefiction, all fans.

James has been studying up on Magaluf

where lovers are known to dance on the roof.

LewisHobsonFan says go to Rimini if you can

or to ski in New Guinea and the Isle of Man.

Laura's glass is refilled so now she can toast

the multitudinous admirers of whom she can boast.

To Muffinzelda who dwelled a few moments more

so MHC1987 would be in heaven for sure;

for ringprint a hint to write more and some clues

so Crafyfengirl can twirl in her shoes.

Turn on the light for KLSWhite

so the party will last far into the night.

A bough for Givemebritcopsnow to decorate it

for Asimurcwwt to hold in the orchestra pit.

Lemons were sliced with the skill of madmother

so there would be plenty to fill if Laura wanted another.

Thanks to Diane and all other guests

who listen and read like all of the rest.

Robbie's face was a picture of happiness

while James, needing a smoke, scowled at the mess.

He found the fags Laura hid underneath

and the smoke encircled his head like a wreath.

Laura put out his light and told him don't go

it's time to put up some mistletoe.

Then the morgue turned into a Christmas arena

for the singing and dancing of mckenna martina.

Laura donned a festive party hat from Murphycat

then engaged with her fans in a lovely chat,

while TheNaggingCube took her test tube

that proved DI Peterson was really a boob.

RFP kept the kiwi away from our Lizzie

so she wouldn't see her go into a tizzy.

grannyshirley gave Laura a sweet Curly Whirly

very sorry she had to leave so early.

MarySt blessed the crowd and sat down with Lynley's Tess

for poker and cards but never for chess.

They all agreed with MinionR

that Dr. Laura Hobson was a star.

To all who adore her and always want more

Laura kissed their cheeks as the noise rose to a roar.

Finally the dawn of the morning sun

signaled it would fast be the end of their fun.

Soon she and Robbie would set sail in their boat

but not until she asked-does this thing float?

The raising of eyebrows and a nod of his head

soon gave her to know she had nothing to dread.

Robbie patted his pocket where he kept a ring

he hoped would soon make his true love sing.

The fans listened for something from the producer

as devotion to this couple is such a seducer.

Nothing came right away or after awhile

those words got left in a circular file.

There are some who try to rewrite their new chapter

to ensure they would live happy ever after.

Will every fan down in fictionville, the tall and small

remember the night they spent in this hall?

They said their goodbyes to this little act

while the corpse lay silent with his hyoid intact.

Now dash away, dash away, dash away Robson;

we hope this isn't the last we hear of Laura Hobson.

But we heard her exclaim as they canoed down the river

Happy Christmas to all and don't go bashing your liver!


A/N: Apologies for not asking permission in advance to use your screen names. If anyone would like me to delete theirs please send me a PM or a guest review (I will delete that too). I have enjoyed 'meeting' so many of you and wanted us to have some fun together. Best wishes for the holiday season and great hopes for a new year filled with peace, happy trails, and more Lewis fanfiction. -H