hey guys! my friend chris and i got really drunk last night and decided to write an ongoing crackfic. this is the exact wording we used. it's bad. so uh. enjoy? :)

~ tj

SCRIPT FORM!

Hit me baby one more time

Backstory: daenerys adopted us because we have shit parents and we are sad :( also it's modern day and isabelle from animal crossing is our dog and she talks

Daenerys: "D"

TJ: "tj"

Chris: "Ch"

Jon: "Jo"

Cersei: "C"

Jaime: "Ja"

Tyrion: "Ty"

Isabelle: "isabelle"

[IN. MCDONALDS: jon and chris and tj and isabelle and cersei]

Isabelle: fuck

C: no

Tj: :D

Tj & Chris: MCDONALDS!MCDONALDS!MCDONALDS!

Jon: One black coffee please

Tj and Chris: D:

isabelle : why did we go to mcdonalds if we weren't going to buy anything

Cersei: Jon you bastard

Jon: :( two happy meals and an apple pie

(tj gets mad because he's not a child)

(nevermind he wants the spider-man toy that comes with it)

Chris: The apple pie is mine! :D

Jon: hahahahaha no its not

Chris: :( I'm telling Mom!

Jon: ...

Chris: ...

Jon: ...

Chris: bastard.

[daenerys appears on a fuckin dragon]

Isabelle: here we go

Chris: MOM! Dad won't let me have Apple Pie : , (

[tj is busy eating fries]

[daenerys' dragon breathes fire onto jon, killing him instantly (but its fine he comes back to life later)]

Daenerys: kids, time to go home.

Chris: :D *eats apple pie and pets the dragon*

[cersei facepalms and drags everyone but jon onto the dragon]

[END SCENE ONE]

[Three weeks later, in Daenerys home, It's Christmas. Daenerys, Isabelle, Chris, Tj, Jon, Jaime, and Cersei. We are in the living room.]

Jaime: Merry Christmas boys!

Tj: Uncle Jaime? I haven't seen you since 4th of July. Where you been?

Jaime: uhhhhhh can't tell you that kid hahahahahahaha wheres cersei

Tj: ….mom!

[Daenerys is in the basement feeding the dragon and does not hear him]

Chris: don't be stupid he was on an adventure.

Tj: :'(

Jaime: Yes….. An adventure….

Chris: *in complete awe* He so fucking cool!

Tj: MOM Chris called me stupid

[Cersei enters with a glass of wine]

Cersei: whats going on in here

Jaime: The boys were asking what I have been doing since they last saw me.

Chris: I bet it was amazing whatever he did!

Cersei: Why haven't we opened presents yet?

Jaime: Jon's not here yet. He wanted to watch the boys open their presents.

Cersei: Stupid bastard. He needs to hurry.

Tj: wait isn't he dead

Chris: ?

Cersei: ?/?

Jaime: ?

Tj: i'm not crazy :(

Chris: *concerned look* Dad will be home soon, He had a stupid work thing to do.

[Daenery's come upstairs]

Daenerys: Where's Jon? He's late and the boys have to open their presents soon.

Cersei: *ovbiously not giving a shit*

Jaime: *entertaining Chris with stories*

Daenerys: *sighs* just like him to be late on CHRISTMAS

Tj: no i swear he died! He caught on fire remember? Chris you were there

Chris: *says nothing because he's obsessed with jaime*

Tj: *a single tear*

Jon: *Rushes in* I AM SO SORRY I'M LATE! My boss held me over because of a rival team is making more than us.

Cersei: You are a soccer coach for 5th graders.

Jon: ...

Jaime: *stifles a laugh*

Chris: I thought he was a teacher?

Tj: How are you alive?

Jon: ?

Chris: Dude? You Okay?

Jaime: I think you should lay down after gift opening."

Tj: : (

[scene cuts to the whole family sitting around the tree]

LIST OF PRESENTS FOR EACH PERSON:

Chris:

Plants (from jaime)

Bugs (from isabelle)

The whole kingdom (from cersei)

Stickers (from jon)

Endless sketchbooks (from daenerys)

Books probably (tj)

Tj:

A sparkly ribbon (From Isabelle)

A bottle of Rosé ( From Cersei)

A whole ass book about dragons (From Jon)

A dragon egg (From Daenerys)

A pot filled with dirt which he says has seeds in it, but it's a surprise what kind ( from Jaime)

An empty pot with a package of cucumber seeds. (Chris)

[tj immediately begins drinking the wine.]

Chris: :D I'M the king now

Cersei: yes my son

Daenerys: *smiles* chris ur going home with cersei and jaime to be the true ruler of the iron throne

Tj: wait what

Chris: *Gasp* really?

Jaime: Yep. Get your stuff together.

Jon: Wat?

Cersei: You heard your wife, you stupid bastard.

Jon: : (

Daenerys: It's okay Jon. We have Tj.

Tj: ? so i'm the reject

Jon: but Chris is my favorite

Daenerys: *slaps him* don't say that :(

Tj: WOW GUYS

Chris: oh i just can't wait to be king :D

Daenerys: Tj, honey. You are my favorite son.

Jon: But….. Chris.

Cersei: He's my son, you stupid bastard. He deserves to be with his real family and sit on the throne.

Daenerys: Jon, I know this is hard, but Tj is our son and he will be our Heir

Jon: : But….

Daenerys: *glares and holds Tj close to her*

Chris: *asking Jaime what he will be learning in King's landing*

TBC