hey guys! my friend chris and i got really drunk last night and decided to write an ongoing crackfic. this is the exact wording we used. it's bad. so uh. enjoy? :)
~ tj
SCRIPT FORM!
Hit me baby one more time
Backstory: daenerys adopted us because we have shit parents and we are sad :( also it's modern day and isabelle from animal crossing is our dog and she talks
Daenerys: "D"
TJ: "tj"
Chris: "Ch"
Jon: "Jo"
Cersei: "C"
Jaime: "Ja"
Tyrion: "Ty"
Isabelle: "isabelle"
[IN. MCDONALDS: jon and chris and tj and isabelle and cersei]
Isabelle: fuck
C: no
Tj: :D
Tj & Chris: MCDONALDS!MCDONALDS!MCDONALDS!
Jon: One black coffee please
Tj and Chris: D:
isabelle : why did we go to mcdonalds if we weren't going to buy anything
Cersei: Jon you bastard
Jon: :( two happy meals and an apple pie
(tj gets mad because he's not a child)
(nevermind he wants the spider-man toy that comes with it)
Chris: The apple pie is mine! :D
Jon: hahahahaha no its not
Chris: :( I'm telling Mom!
Jon: ...
Chris: ...
Jon: ...
Chris: bastard.
[daenerys appears on a fuckin dragon]
Isabelle: here we go
Chris: MOM! Dad won't let me have Apple Pie : , (
[tj is busy eating fries]
[daenerys' dragon breathes fire onto jon, killing him instantly (but its fine he comes back to life later)]
Daenerys: kids, time to go home.
Chris: :D *eats apple pie and pets the dragon*
[cersei facepalms and drags everyone but jon onto the dragon]
[END SCENE ONE]
[Three weeks later, in Daenerys home, It's Christmas. Daenerys, Isabelle, Chris, Tj, Jon, Jaime, and Cersei. We are in the living room.]
Jaime: Merry Christmas boys!
Tj: Uncle Jaime? I haven't seen you since 4th of July. Where you been?
Jaime: uhhhhhh can't tell you that kid hahahahahahaha wheres cersei
Tj: ….mom!
[Daenerys is in the basement feeding the dragon and does not hear him]
Chris: don't be stupid he was on an adventure.
Tj: :'(
Jaime: Yes….. An adventure….
Chris: *in complete awe* He so fucking cool!
Tj: MOM Chris called me stupid
[Cersei enters with a glass of wine]
Cersei: whats going on in here
Jaime: The boys were asking what I have been doing since they last saw me.
Chris: I bet it was amazing whatever he did!
Cersei: Why haven't we opened presents yet?
Jaime: Jon's not here yet. He wanted to watch the boys open their presents.
Cersei: Stupid bastard. He needs to hurry.
Tj: wait isn't he dead
Chris: ?
Cersei: ?/?
Jaime: ?
Tj: i'm not crazy :(
Chris: *concerned look* Dad will be home soon, He had a stupid work thing to do.
[Daenery's come upstairs]
Daenerys: Where's Jon? He's late and the boys have to open their presents soon.
Cersei: *ovbiously not giving a shit*
Jaime: *entertaining Chris with stories*
Daenerys: *sighs* just like him to be late on CHRISTMAS
Tj: no i swear he died! He caught on fire remember? Chris you were there
Chris: *says nothing because he's obsessed with jaime*
Tj: *a single tear*
Jon: *Rushes in* I AM SO SORRY I'M LATE! My boss held me over because of a rival team is making more than us.
Cersei: You are a soccer coach for 5th graders.
Jon: ...
Jaime: *stifles a laugh*
Chris: I thought he was a teacher?
Tj: How are you alive?
Jon: ?
Chris: Dude? You Okay?
Jaime: I think you should lay down after gift opening."
Tj: : (
[scene cuts to the whole family sitting around the tree]
LIST OF PRESENTS FOR EACH PERSON:
Chris:
Plants (from jaime)
Bugs (from isabelle)
The whole kingdom (from cersei)
Stickers (from jon)
Endless sketchbooks (from daenerys)
Books probably (tj)
Tj:
A sparkly ribbon (From Isabelle)
A bottle of Rosé ( From Cersei)
A whole ass book about dragons (From Jon)
A dragon egg (From Daenerys)
A pot filled with dirt which he says has seeds in it, but it's a surprise what kind ( from Jaime)
An empty pot with a package of cucumber seeds. (Chris)
[tj immediately begins drinking the wine.]
Chris: :D I'M the king now
Cersei: yes my son
Daenerys: *smiles* chris ur going home with cersei and jaime to be the true ruler of the iron throne
Tj: wait what
Chris: *Gasp* really?
Jaime: Yep. Get your stuff together.
Jon: Wat?
Cersei: You heard your wife, you stupid bastard.
Jon: : (
Daenerys: It's okay Jon. We have Tj.
Tj: ? so i'm the reject
Jon: but Chris is my favorite
Daenerys: *slaps him* don't say that :(
Tj: WOW GUYS
Chris: oh i just can't wait to be king :D
Daenerys: Tj, honey. You are my favorite son.
Jon: But….. Chris.
Cersei: He's my son, you stupid bastard. He deserves to be with his real family and sit on the throne.
Daenerys: Jon, I know this is hard, but Tj is our son and he will be our Heir
Jon: : But….
Daenerys: *glares and holds Tj close to her*
Chris: *asking Jaime what he will be learning in King's landing*
TBC
