Author: alpha sparks
Betareader: my friend
The Hogwarts News
Hey guys, I'm back from the "frog-gut filled" dungeons of Snape, (mostly) hale and hearty from my latest mission-to get you updated on the latest juicy bytes from Hogwarts, together with my correspondent Parvati Patel from the girl's dormitories!
Guess who we saw sneaking out from there to the astrology tower last Saturday? Malfoy-wearing girly clothes! Something is certainly up. If anyone sees anything, please inform me or Parvati at the earliest possible moment, and we will do our best to uncover every little detail! After all, such topics of public interest cannot be allowed to remain a secret!
It's time to make a mention of the most important war going on in Hogwarts now-not between You-Know-Who and Dumbledore, but between the Weasley clan! Ginny, apparently furious with Ron, Fred and George (which is not difficult, seeing their family history), locked the three of them with an Acromantula in their dormitory! (Did anyone know that Fred and George are afraid of spiders?)
NOTICE-Anyone who wishes to see hilarious (and quite hideous) photos of the threesome may contact me or Colin Creevey (If Fred and George come to know of this, then I'm a dying man.)
Handing over the 'Who's-dating-who' column over to Parvati….
It seems like Cho never cared for Cedric because just a month after his death, we spotted Harry and Cho hand-in-hand in Hogsmeade, at Madam Puddifutt's! Not to forget the confetti showers on them.
Rumor has it that our 'beloved' Professor Dolores Umbridge is dating Snape. A contact has informed me that they were seen sharing a looonnng snog over a brewing potion! Unique people make unique choices in life!
And not to forget our beloved Gryffindor Keeper, 'King' Ronald Weasley and my classmate, who seems to have developed a tendre for Hermione Granger (the Miss I-know-it-all) and was seen disappearing in a closet with her. Of course, their extremely rumpled appearances totally cancel out the chance that were merely 'doing their homework', as they claim.
Moaning Myrtle has apparently gotten over her crush on Harry and has developed a dying passion for Crabbe instead– one of the cronies of Malfoy! (How can a ghost develop a dying passion for someone is beyond me!)
And now for the biggest surprise-my Bond007 (Lee Jordan) has it that Dumbledore and Voldemort are a couple (!) Seems impossible to believe? Well if you'll notice Dumbledore's right hand ring finger, you'll find an antique ring with Voldemort's family crest on it. Seems like someone forgot to announce their engagement!
Voting lines are now open for "Hogwart's It couple"! Send us an owl to nominate any couple you want, whether it's any of the wonderful couples mentioned above, or any other couple entirely. So Hogwarts, get voting!
ALL RIGHTS TO THIS COLUMN ARE RESERVED. ANYONE WHO WISHES TO REPRODUCE IT WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE WEASLEY TWINS!
- Lee Jordan
Parvati Patel
