Yeah this is probably the most risqué thing I have ever and will ever write.

Also, it's inspired by something someone said on an episode of the Jenna Julien podcast.


"Le-en," Sara feigned a whine as she poked Leonard's side. It was clear by his expression how much effort it was taking him to not respond to her.

"What?" Mick asked, looking between the pair. Sara raised her eyebrows expectantly at Leonard, but when he didn't respond, she looked back to Mick.

"Leonard is mad at me because of a game Zari and I were playing," she told him.

"God, he's still mad about that?" Zari said as she walked into the mess hall with Ray.

"What game?" Ray asked.

"Fuck, Marry, Kill," Zari replied as she opened the fridge.

"Fun!" he said as Mick let out a short, appreciative laugh, "Wait, Snart's mad at you because you played Fuck, Marry, Kill?"

"I'm not mad at her because she played the game—"

"So he speaks," Sara commented drily. Leonard pretended to ignore her as he continued.

"—I'm mad because of her answers."

Then he stopped, so Mick and Ray looked back at Sara for more.

"So Zari asked me fuck, marry, kill: Len, Tom Cruise, and Louis the sixteenth, and I said I'd kill Len, fuck Louis the sixteenth, and marry Tom Cruise. I don't see anything wrong with that."

Leonard rolled his eyes, looking away again.

"Sara," Ray said, "don't people think Tom Cruise is gay?"

"Yep," Sara replied.

"Huh?" Mick said

"There's all sorts of conspiracies about him," Zari said before Ray had even opened his mouth, "He's into scientology or something, but they don't like gay people, and he's had a couple of wives who acted really weird while they were with him and then normal again after they got divorced—"

"—so people think he's gay, but the church of scientology is paying these famous women to marry him to cover up for it," Ray nodded.

"Sara," Mick guffawed, "You'd marry a gay guy over Len!"

Sara let out a frustrated sigh.

"In the scenario," she said emphatically, "Yeah, I'd marry him because of all that stuff. I wanna know if it's true."

"Really?" Leonard asked skeptically, looking at her with raised eyebrows.

"Yes," she replied, "Hey — you aren't into conspiracy theories. You don't get it. They get it."

She tipped her head towards Ray and Zari.

"Yeah," Ray said seriously as Zari nodded, "I'd choose to marry Tom Cruise too."

"Ehh," Zari shrugged, ignoring Ray when he looked at her wide-eyed, "But I still don't get why you'd choose to fuck Louis the sixteenth."

"He's the dude who couldn't get it with the Queen even with all those people watching, right?" Mick asked.

"Hey, you were paying attention to that documentary!" Ray exclaimed, "Yeah, he had issues…consummating the marriage."

"Yeah, I know," Sara replied, "That's why I chose him. I wanted to see if I could…you know."

The other four were silent for a moment, but then Leonard snorted.

Sara looked over to him, a smile growing on her face as she saw him trying to contain his laughter.

"What?" she asked him.

He shook his head, still smiling.

"I…actually get that," he told her.

Sara stood, walking over to him and winding her arms around his shoulders.

"See!" she said, planting a kiss on his cheek, "I love you so much, but if it's between you and Tom Cruise and King Louis the Sixteenth, I'd definitely kill you."

"I can accept that," he nodded, smiling.

"Wow, relationship goals," Zari said through a mouthful of potato chips.