Drarry

Cold as ice. That's how I felt. That's all I knew. It killed me every day to have to hide my feelings for him. It killed me even more to pretend to be a horrible person. I am a horrible person though. I hurt everyone around me. I leave in the end. I'm so worthless. I don't deserve to love. I deserve to die. I'm going to kill myself. I have to. It's the only way I can me happy. I deserve this.

I'll just cut a little deeper than normal. It'll be fine. I'll be fine. Finally. As I walked into the mess hall I saw him. I couldn't be in there. Not with him just talking to Ginny. I hate that wench so much. She thinks she can have Harry. He deserves better.

Earlier that month, Ginny had cornered me in the hall and talked about how she and Harry were dating and how he would never love me and only love her. I punched her. I was reported and had to serve a detention and a lecture from Dumbledore.

I left the mess hall and walked into the restroom. I started crying as I pulled my blade out. I put it to my arm and cut. Deeper and deeper. I vaguely heard the door open behind me and a slight gasp. I didn't care. I just cut deeper and deeper. Someone grabbed my hand and pulled the blade from my grasp.

It was Harry.

"Give it back," I demanded as the blood gushed from my self-inflicted wounds. Harry unbuttoned my shirt and placed it against my wounds.

"Stop! Let me die, Potter! Please let me die!" I begged.

He just shook his head in response. I attempted to pull away from him but he just grabbed my arm and pulled me to the floor.

"Harry! Please." My vision began to get fuzzy around the edges. My eyes started to close and my breathing became shallow.

"No. No, no, no, no. No. Please." Harry got his wand out and healed my wounds.

"I hate you, Harry. You should've let me die." I passed out.

When I woke up again, I was in my bed in my unshared room. I remembered what had happened.

"Damn it, Harry." As soon as the words escaped my mouth a hand covered mine.

"Thank God you're alive," Harry said as he leaned over me.

"Why'd you have to save me? Why couldn't you let me die, Harry? You hate me. I don't understand." I sat up. He sat next to me.

"Because I don't hate you. On the contrary actually. Sure you're annoying, but you're strong. I know what you're going through. When you think about it we're going through a lot of the same things just on different sides. And I like you a lot. I learned about you through Pansy. She likes you a lot and so do I. I've seen you when you think you're alone. You're sweet, caring, kind, and honorable. I don't want you to die. I want you to live through all of this shit and thrive."

I started crying. Harry pulled me into a hug and I sobbed into his shoulder. He whispered calming words into my ear and held onto me tightly. After I'd calmed down I pulled away.

"You can't tell anyone about this." I could tell from his reaction that I had true terror in my eyes.

"Of course. I know. It's ok." He held onto my arm and smiled. We just sat there for a while until I felt lightheaded and Harry ordered me to go back to sleep.

"Will you lay with me?" I asked. There was a moment of silence before he crawled into the bed next to me. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into his chest.

"I love you," I whispered so he wouldn't hear. Little did I know he heard and whispered it back.

When I woke up, I couldn't remember where I was or what had happened. I turned to lay on my side and saw… Harry. Everything came back to me. My suicide attempt, Harry saving me, Harry holding me.

I just laid there for a few minutes, just watching his chest move up and down in a constant motion. When his eyes fluttered open, he smiled.

"Good morning," he whispered.

"Morning," I replied.

"Are you feeling any better?" Harry asked as he sat up. I sat up too before replying.

"I guess. Maybe a little."

"That's good. Is there anything I can do to make it any better?" he asked.

Kiss me, I thought. Apparently I said it out loud.

"Ok." He leaned over and pecked my lips.

A hot blush covered my entire face and when I looked at him again, he was blushing too.

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"We get you ready for class." A look of terror crossed my face.

"No," I said.

"Hey. Hey. You said you don't want anyone to know. And I'll be there. Just look at me when I want to cut. Remember how much I care about you." I nodded. He pulled me to his chest and held onto me. I felt so safe in his arms. Like nothing could hurt or touch me.

"Ok." I pulled away from him.

School was… interesting. I was so used to looking at Harry and feeling hopeless and alone. Now when I saw him, I felt happiness. True happiness.

Time Skip Cause I Can

I was waiting for Harry in my room. Today I had some of the meanest things I have ever said to him. I hoped he wasn't angry. He wasn't.

When he walked in, he grabbed me and pulled me into a hug and tenderly kissed me.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier. You know I didn't mean it, right?" I asked.

"Of course. I know you just have to keep up a façade. It's fine," he replied with a smile on his face.

"How was your day?" I asked. He sat next to me on the bed.

"It was ok. It's a hell of a lot better now." He smiled and looked at me. I blushed. "How was yours, Dray?"

"It sucked. I hated saying those awful things to you. And You-Know-Who is making me kill someone." I burst out in tears. Harry pulled me safely to his chest and held as I cried. After I had calmed down he asked who it was.

"D-Dumbledore," I whispered. Harry froze and tensed.

"I can't let you do that, Dray," he whispered.

"I know but he says that if I don't everyone I care about will die."