This story is an alternative on what happened when Spencer found out Toby was -A at episode 3x16. May cause extreme heartbreak! Just kidding... Or am I ;)
Trigger Warning!!!!!!! Self Harm, Suicide idealisation, HeartBreak. Sparia, Spanna, Spemily
"Just please tell me what happened tonight wasn't real", Spencer sobbed loudly, banging her cold fist against the door, letting it slide down to the gravel floor.
Tonight had been hell for her, finding out her lover was her tortuer, crying until she was sick, contemplating or not to ring and tell her friends or to stay in bed and have a panic attack.
She wished there was somebody for her right now, to wrap their arms around her shaking body, and though the person who could do it the best was on the opposite side of the two inch wood door.
"Tell me please there's something that I don't know", She cried, silently begging for an anwser. But not a sound responded.
After about ten more minutes of uncontrollable tears, Spencer realised there was no point in begging for him now , she walked down the stairs and hopped into her car where her phone buzzed.
Two missed calls from Emily, three from Hanna and five from Aria. They can wait, Spencer thought to herself as she slided into her seat, letting the tears fall freely.
Spencer was almost home when she was waiting at a traffic light at the edge of her street when she began thinking.
Why would he do something like this? He must not love me... Nobody should anyway, but how could he pretend like that...
She tried to get the thoughts out of her mind and focus on the road, she was almost at her house anyway. A part of her was expecting to see Toby at the door with his arms wide, prefusly apologising for the pain of tonight and beg her to take him back.
But nobody was, her parents weren't even there, they never really were though. It was at this time that Spencer felt the most lonely. She then grabbed her phone on her seat along with her handbag and strutted inside up to her room.
But maybe he never loved me. I'm never enough for anybody. No, stop thinking like this, I have to remain positive. How the fuck am I supposed to remain positive in this situation! I have nothing! I am nothing!
And with that Spencer grabbed the photograph of her and him together and threw it on the bed with a thump, which resulted in it falling on the floor and smashing into a million peices, but Spencer didn't care.
She was about to jump on her bed and scream into her pillow, which seemed to always help a little bit, when something shiny caught her eye. A small, but powerful pencil sharpener, Spencer looked beside it to see her pencil case had fallen and spilt the contents on the carpet.
Though it wasn't so much the sharpener itself that caught Spencers eye, it was what was kept within it. Without thinking twice Spencer was soon untwisting the small screw holding down the sharp razor with the tip of her fingernails.
With a couple of tries she had finally yanked it out and held it between two of her fingers, letting her thoughts run wild in her head.
She took a deep breath in and striked it across her left wrist, cringing in pain as the blood dropped down her porcelain skin. But there was something about this, the feel it gave her. She was in control, she could punish herself now.
I was never good enough for him anyway, Spencer thought, dragging it against her wrist a fifth time.
But five cuts turned into seven, and seven cuts turned into nine, nine turned into twelve and it just kept going from there.
Soon enough she had more than fifty deep bleeding cuts on her wrist. Spencer sobbed louder and louder because of the pain, not the pain on her skin, because of the pain in her heart. The type that can't be fixed with bandages and stitches.
Spencer was now screaming and sobbing that she was sure anybody could here her now. She then looked down at her arm and felt a mixture of shame and satisfaction, her arm was riddled everywhere with deep red cuts, some sure she would need stitches.
Spencer watched slowly as more big blood droplets formed and feel down her arm onto the floor, she would worry about it later, just cover it up with a small rug or something other.
She then heard a sound that made her blood run cold as every millisecond turned to slow motion hours. The sound of her door about to be clicked open.
"Hey Spence we just realised we left yesterday's homework...", trailed off Aria, who was accompanied by Emily.
Everybody in the room froze, Aria and Emily's faces grew pale as Spencer looked at them with tears streaming down her face and blood pouring out of her arm.
"What... Spence...", Aria stuttered, looking down at her arm, coming to the realisation of what is happening in front of her. Spencers throat tightened and all she could muster was a loud sob all while she still held the blade between her petite fingers. "I'm... Sorry", she cries, trying to hold back a sob as her body racketed with shakes.
Aria and Emily had no idea what to do, they'd never experienced anything like this before. All they could do was stare at their friend who was always so strong, cut her fears away with a almost slow form of suicide. It felt like hours had passed though it they had only been standing there, looking down at Spencer broken in her study spinning chair for about five seconds.
Aria was eventually the one to break the painful silence with running up to Spencer and wrapping her in a bone crushing hug.
It was then when Spencer broke, she let out a ear splitting scream that turned into a sob while kicking and shrieking in Arias arms. Aria felt the warm sensation of the blood soak through her shirt, "I can't... I can't do this... This isn't happening Aria... This can't be happening", Spencer screamed and sobbed.
"Spencer what wrong, what happened", cried Aria, afraid for the other half of her Sparia. At that moment Emily joined the group, trying to help Spencer.
"No.. You can't know you can't", yelled Spencer, Aria looked at Emily with a worried look.
"What can't we know Spencer", cries Emily, which causes Spencer to dry harder, almost as if she was having a fight with her own mind.
"Where's Toby Spence", soothes Emily, trying to calm down Spencer with the thought of him. But she was oblivious no thanks to Spencer. The piling thought of Toby increased in Spencers mind, it was all becoming too much.
But then a thought entered Spencers mind, what if she could just escape, everything would be over in a matter of seconds. She looked at the open, door like window whom was open. I could easily jump through it Spencer thought to herself as Emily and Aria held her tight, they had no idea of what was going on except from the fact that she needed as much love as she could get right now.
And with that, Spencer pushed them from her grip and sprinted for the window.
"Noooo!", Emily shouted and ran into Spencers side.
Almost thought Spencer who was a inch away from the window. She then felt her back hit the ground, though not hard enough, she hadn't fallen, but then realised that Emily had pushed her down basically saving her. Spencer panted heavily below Emily, not screaming, shouting or anything, she was to worn out.
"Oh my god Spencer what happened?", Emily cried.
"Tobys A", Spencer cried.
"Oh Spencer,", repeated Emily holding Spencer in her arms.
"He doesn't love me", Spencer stuttered. "He never did". "He was my everything".
