Chapter One - Death

I was currently lying on my bed, head at the foot end, with my feet on my pillows. I was scrolling through my iPod, looking for a better song. When I couldn't think of anything good to listen to, I sighed in annoyance and pulled the earphones out. I already had a headache, why add onto it? I turned onto my back and stared up at the ceiling as I thought over how to solve my best friends' problems again.

Morgan Grooms had been my best friend ever since I met her at church when I was three. Up until a couple years ago, we had practically been twins, and whenever we saw each other at church we were inseparable. Morgan was slightly shorter than me with light brown hair to her elbow and light hazel eyes. She had a friendly smile and a lot of energy like I do, and was almost constantly laughing.

Then there was Gabby. She was a lot taller than me and super skinny, with blondish hair down to her butt and brown eyes. She also had a temper, and right now it was directed at Morgan. According to her, Morgan was spending too much time with her boyfriend, Matt, and not with us. I was glad I didn't have a boyfriend; they sounded so troublesome.

Gabby thought she was obsessing over him, and Brandon, Bailey, and Jess agreed with her. Allison, Becca, and Hailey were on Morgan's side, and I was in the middle, always refusing to choose sides so that our friendships wouldn't break. I always did my best to prevent that. Being in the middle made it my job to fix our friend's relationships with each other, and though it wasn't easy, somehow we always managed to pull it off.

I had just gotten off the phone with Morgan, listening to her vent on me about how stupid Gabby was being and how untrue what she said was. I didn't agree with everything she said, but I gave constant comments on how Gabby saw things. Morgan wasn't accepting it as easily as Gabby was. Gabby was easier to convince because of my close friendship with her. She always came to me for advice and to vent on me when she needed it. Gabby was staring to agree with things, but Morgan was just being too dang stubborn. Their entire fight had been going on for two weeks, and I was tired of it.

I groaned and flopped back down on my pillows in annoyance. Why couldn't everyone just get along? I sighed and rubbed my fore head, feeling my headache getting worse. I've had this headache for days, and it still wouldn't go away. I got up to go get some Tylenol. After I downed the pills with some water, I went to the back window to look into the backyard and at the edge of the woods, imagining something out there like I always did. Suddenly, I saw movement at the edge and out walked four guys wearing dark colors. It was getting dark out now, and it was difficult for me to see them.

They walked up to my back fence and walked right into the gate. I figured they'd walk up the hill and leave out the front gate, but they came to the back porch and opened the screen door. I faintly heard the sound of a drill being used and suddenly heard the door being banged open. I heard a yell downstairs from my dad, and almost ran to him, until my mom grabbed my arm and dragged me backwards through the hallway. She pushed me into my room and closed my door, telling me to put my bed in front of it. She ran down the hall into the living room for her cell phone and I did as she told me, blocking my door to buy myself time to get out of here.

I opened my closet and on instinct changed into a pair of light skinny jeans, a t-shirt, my Lifeguard hoodie, and pulled on my converse. I then grabbed my small black bag and threw in my charger cable, my iPod, my phone, my toothbrush and toothpaste, my hairbrush, and the small stone elephant my parents had given me. I also grabbed my camera, money, extra phone battery, and contact case and threw it in there. I zipped it up, grabbed my flute, and ran over to my window. I pulled back my blinds, opened my window, and jumped out of it, luckily being on the ground floor.

I grabbed my stuff and ran as fast as I could down the street to the huge hill. I sprinted down the hill, and when I got to the bottom I went down Town Hall Dr. towards the creek. When I reached the creek, I ran to where it had a tiny pond, and jumped down onto the rocks next to it. Next to the small pond where the creek flowed out of it was a large pipe. I got into the spacious pipe, noticing the water was low, and sat down, putting my stuff next to me. After I caught my breath, I listened to everything around me. When I was sure no one was around, I counted my money and sighed in relief. I had about two-hundred dollars saved up.

I considered calling a taxi, but decided not to and thought I'd just walk. I didn't want to attract attention to myself yet.

I considered where I should go. To Morgan's house maybe? No, that was a stupid idea. Then an idea hit me; Alec's house! My brother would always welcome me in with open arms. I was about to call a taxi when I heard the sirens. Someone must have called the police. But then I noticed the 'Basement Saver' sirens and I panicked. Why would we need firemen?

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. No.

"No. No, no, no, no, no! NO!" I shouted. I slung my bag over my shoulders, grabbed my flute, and ran back up the slope from the creek. I took the shortcut across the meadow to my street and began racing up the hill. I was exhausted and panting, but I didn't care. I had to get there now! Suddenly I could see the smoke and I felt my heart clench. I sprinted across the street and saw my house up in flames. That did it. I collapsed on the side of the road in tears. I saw the cops had the four men up against the hood of the police cars and were putting handcuffs on them all.

I looked back at my burning house and saw the fire dying down. When it was finally put out, I looked at what was left of my once beautiful home. The outer walls had collapsed, and the inner walls were burnt to a crisp. Everything was in ashes, only a few small things stood out against it all. There were holes burnt in the floors and I could see the basement completely destroyed as well. I watched as they carried out two body bags, and stayed on the concrete, rocking back and forth in tears.

One of the medical men noticed me and jogged over to me, asking if I was alright. I just continued to cry, but I pointed at my home, now completely destroyed.

"What's your name?" he asked me softly.

"Madelyn. That was my home." I managed to get out before I began to sob uncontrollably. He patted my back softly and I looked up at his face, full of pity for me. He extended his hand to me and I got up slowly. I grabbed my bag and flute and walked with him to the officials. They took my name and any information I had before putting me in a squad car with a pair of cops to be taken to my grandparent's house, not too far away.

When we pulled up to the house, my grandmother came out with a confused look on her face. She told me to go inside while she talked to the cop. She came back in looking heartbroken, and sent me upstairs to what was for now my room. I put my stuff on the floor and sat on my bed, rocking back and forth in a ball. I had already cried out all my tears.

Life went on slowly after that. I lived upstairs in my grandma's house for two and a half years, not doing much. My grandmother loved me enough that she occasionally tried to speak to me, but I hardly answered her.

She took me and bought me some clothes, a wall charger for my iPod, a mini speaker for my iPod, some headbands and pony tail holders, and an alarm clock. That's all she ever gave me. I eventually grew taller and slimmer from working out and eating only healthy foods. I did this only because I knew it pleased grandma and that my mother would have wanted to see me skinny and beautiful. I did it for her and myself. After a while I got used to it and began to like the flavor of fruits and vegetables. Occasionally I would eat some type of meat and drink milk, but not often.

During the school year I went to school, but didn't talk to anyone except my teachers. At first my friends tried to be supportive and understanding, but they never really got it, and eventually they left me alone and became as much my enemies as Samantha Sharp had been. After school I would come home and practice my flute, worked out, read some books, eat a meal, and then sleep. The same process would occur every day. I never had any more dreams, I didn't eat much, and I never spoke. I studied, read, played my flute, wrote music, listened to songs, and kept myself alive.

The clothes I wore were all things my mother wished I had worn when she was still around; skinny jeans, converse, and flirty tops with stylish jackets. I never wore anything different. My hair was always down in front of my shoulders. I always wore the same red flower ring and angel-wings necklace. Nothing about me ever seemed to change. I was constantly depressed, but I was getting content with it over the years. I began to watch other people's lives from my window and I began to appreciate books more. I wrote songs for my flute and played them often. Once when my grandma went to St. Louis to go watch a Cardinals game I begged her to take me to the city library.

She dropped me off, not noticing my flute in my hands, and left me there to pick me up later. I went to the outside of Busch Stadium as people were beginning to show up for the game and played the music I had written for my flute with a small hat sitting in front of me. People stopped to listen to me play my songs and dropped money into my hat. I wasn't super concerned about the money, but I wanted people to hear my music and applaud. The money was helpful though. When the game started I stopped playing and picked up the top hat in front of me that I used for people to put money in.

I counted up the money in surprise. There was at least fifty dollars worth of bills and change in here. I grinned happily and went over to a vendor, asking him to swap the money with me for ten dollar bills. I had a total of $63 dollars from just people entering the game. I decided to go to another entrance and wait for people to start heading back out. When the game ended, I again played my music in front of the street lamp with my empty top hat sitting in front of me. As people came out, more money was put into the hat by different people than last time. One small child, probably about six, even put a dollar in the hat shyly.

I smiled and thanked her and she ran back to her mother and continued with my music. When the crowd had pretty much thinned out, I put my flute in its case and went to another vendor to exchange the money for bills. This time I got $72 worth of cash. I then dashed back to the library just as my grandma texted me to come out and get into the car. I went in the back entrance of the library and came out the front with my flute hidden in my bag on my shoulder. I got in the car and grandma took us back home.

Every time grandma went to see a Cardinals game I would go with her to play in front of the stadium for people and get money. After my third trip to the city I had collected about $450 in savings. I hid the money in my black bag after I got home and practiced my flute in my room, writing more songs. In about a week I would be starting my junior year of high school. I wasn't super excited. The only thing in my life that brought me joy now were my books, my iPod, and my flute. My flute brought me the most joy. It even made me smile, but only when I was alone or performing on the streets.

I sighed and put my stuff away, getting ready for bed. As I was about to turn out my light, I heard a knock at my door. My grandma came in and asked me to sit down.

"Maddie, I know you haven't been happy in the past couple of years since the robbery, but I can't stand to see you anymore. You know you're still family, but I was wondering if you wanted to go to the foster care center, about an hour north of St. Louis? I know you're unhappy here, but maybe if you got to be around people your age, maybe you'd feel better? Please do this for me Maddie." She tried to persuade me. Really, it sounded fine to me. It would be better than here, and at school.

I took a deep breath and said "I would like that very much. Maybe a new family at some point would help me move on and be happy. When am I leaving?" I asked her.

"Tomorrow morning." she said decisively. I nodded my head at her and told her goodnight, and for the last time in my life, fell asleep in my own bed at my grandma's house.