Is It Worth It?

Re-posted 05.28.05

A/N: this story had originally been posted earlier on, but due to the usage of freaking song lyrics was taken down. I'm now re-posting it in hopes that it'll be able to stay on the page as it's my favorite.

And I don't own anything that you recognize from the Harry Potter Books.

Lily Evans stood before the mirror looking down at her hands in shock. This couldn't be true. She couldn't have been that careless. She was first in line for Head Girl for Merlin sake! How could she of all people forget something that vital? How could something like this happen to her of all people? It just wasn't the norm.

Yet, the stick refused to change. It just had the same mocking line on it telling her that she was pregnant.

How could I be so fucking stupid! she screamed silently as her pale face crumpled as she let go of the terrified tears that she had been holding in. What was she going to do? What was going to happen to her?

All this and more was going through her head when she thought of something else. "How will I find the father?" she sobbed as she sunk to the floor in grief.

She was fifteen! She couldn't take care of a child! She couldn't even take care of herself obviously! What was she going to do?

"Why?" she hoarsely mumbled as she wept into her arms.

Hours later, figuring out that she was going to need some help, Lily decided to owl the one person she felt as if she could trust.

She and Isabella Edwards weren't on overly friendly terms, but they always had had a blast together when they went out partying, and not only that, they shared the same dorm room, and the girl was - or at least she seemed like she was a trustful person. And at the moment, Lily just needed someone's advice and help.

With that in mind, Lily sent a short letter to Bella, and told her owl to wait for the reply.

Within the hour, she got a message back with two simple lines.

Of course I'll be there. Keep your head up.

Always, Bella

Lily took a deep breath and sighed in relief. At least she knew that this was someone who wouldn't judge her.

She was going to need a lot of help once she returned to school, and everyone noticed that she was pregnant. She wasn't going to be the ultimate good-girl image of Gryffindor anymore.

"Oh, Merlin," she started as tears welled up in her eyes again. "My grades!"

.0.0.

Bella arrived at the Evans' house to find Lily curled in her bed sobbing into a stuffed deer, and her heart ached for the redhead. She couldn't imagine what was going through the poor girls head right now. She knew that if she had been in that position she would have been in hysterics.

"Lily?" she asked softly as she walked on silent feet over to the bed. Sitting on the edge, Bella softly put her hand on Lily's back and waited until Lily opened her tear-filled green eyes.

"I remember who he was," she choked out in horror. "A-a-and h-he's o-o-o-o- old!" she sobbed into the brunettes arms as she lunched herself at the girl.

Bella's eyes widened in shock. Just how old was old?

"How old?"

"T-twenty!" the distraught redhead answered, causing Bella to let out a relieved breath. That wasn't so bad. Don't get her wrong, that was practically rape, but it wasn't as bad as say… a forty year old man and a fifteen year old girl.

"Do you want to find him?" Bella asked a few minutes later.

"He deserves to know," Lily said in a strained voice as she started sniffing.

That was in some ways the stupidest decision, yet in some twisted sort of way, the best decision that Lily could have made.

After a long, tiring night, Lily and Bella went looking around for this guy, and ended up finding him amazingly enough. And after a heated battle - one where Bella found out that her new friend truly did have a red heads temper, the guy- who was actually 21, and named Jason reluctantly accepted that it could be his child.

Over the next few months, Lily resisted the urge to inform her parents of her stupidness and grudgingly spent time with Jason, getting to know him. Hating him more each day.

Then, one day, it all changed. Her life took a drastic turn, and left her swearing off something that would change her life.

She had been standing in the corridor of Jason's apartment complex talking to his neighbors son, William when Jason had came home.

"I thought I told you that I didn't want you flirting with my neighbors, Lily," Jason spat, his brown eyes narrowed in anger.

Lily rolled her eyes in annoyance. "I wasn't flirting you ass, I was merely keeping myself occupied while your late ass took your time getting here," she retorted angrily.

Jason growled as he narrowed his eyes further and angrily opened his door, throwing it open and mockingly ushering her through the threshold.

"You fucking whore! Who the fuck do you think that you are, talking to me like that you little bitch!" he roared as soon as the door shut, causing Lily to narrow her eyes at him. Who the hell did this guy think he was? God! ha!

"I can talk to you whoever I fucking please you barbarian asshole! I swear you'd think that you think that you own me or something! I'm not your anything you moron! I just got myself into a fucking very hard fucking place-" she started yelling only to stop as she watched with wide eyes as Jason furiously turned around, grabbed a near by lamp and hurled it in her direction.

It hit her in the stomach, causing Lily to back up against the wall, then clutch her stomach as she felt it starting to clench painfully. "Ow," she moaned, as tears started to come out of her eyes. Then she started to feel something wet on her legs and she started to panic. "Call the fucking ambulance!" she ordered seconds before she passed out.

.0.0.

Lily woke up in a white room with an insistent beating next to her somewhere. "Where am I?" she asked groggily.

She frowned as she felt something weird by her stomach, and looked down. And remembered everything.

Her temper.

Jason.

The lamp.

The argument.

The pain.

Her baby!

"I lost my baby," she realized with a shaky voice as she placed her hands on her stomach.

She had just started to get used to the idea of having something that precious growing in her. Something that pure, that innocent. Something that would love her no matter what. Someone that she could count on, and nurture and love.

And now, that innocent, little life that had been depending on her to protect it was gone. Because of her stupid choices. Because she had let her attraction for a boy endanger her. She had been flirting with William, and she had known that it would piss Jason off.

And now her baby was gone because of that.

It was all her fault.

"I'm sorry, baby," she whispered hoarsely, just as she heard her best friends' voice in the hall.

"I'll never touch a guy again. Never. I can't do this again," she cried as she suddenly felt the emptiness in her.

Somehow, Lily had been released from the hospital without her parents even finding out that she had been in the hospital. Although, Lily had a sinking suspicion that it had something to do with Isabella's cousin and magic. But Lily wasn't about to complain. The least she could do was shelter her parents from the pain of knowing that their daughter was a lowlife.

Authors Note:

This chapter is completely different from the original, mainly because of the fact that I can't find that chapter.

But, I do have the rest of them but I think that I'm going to re-write them. They'll basically be the same chapters, but I'm just going to add some information that I think will be helpful in the sequel, so yea. The story might well enough be worth reading again.

Anyways, I'm going to get started on the next chapter, so leave a review and I'll post in a few days okay?

Always,

Mistress del Mare