A.N. I posted this on my tumblr and I thought I should post it here because why not. This is also the first fan fiction I've ever written.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own How I Met Your Mother or any of its lovely characters, if I did I would remember Swarkles was engaged.

Summary: Robin, at an early age, had an affinity for coffee. She couldn't explain to you why, for she herself didn't know. But the truth of the matter was, her Father liked coffee and Robin liked pleasing her father.


She liked her coffee different for each period of her life due to every change her life went through. When she was a little girl Robin would douse her coffee with sugar and cream to wash away the bitter taste of her father's disappointing stare.

"Louise Marsh invited me to her birthday party Daddy, can I go?" Little Robin asked, wide blue eyes staring up at her father, he looked down to his daughter from his newspaper grunted and said:

"Absolutely not RJ, why would you be hanging out with girls? It's below you."

Needless to say, Robin didn't go to Louise Marsh's birthday party.


After the getting caught by her father kissing a hockey teammate and being disowned ("I have no son.") Robin's taste in coffee shifted... Dramatically. Becoming a teenage pop star "Robin Sparkles" needed to be "hip!" and "radical!" so she drank mochas with flavor shots, and all her fans did the same.

"Wow Robin! Those Jelly bracelets are so rad! Will you sign my graffiti coat?" fans screamed to her, asking for their idol to be their best friend.

"Oh you all are all too nice, eh. How about we all go down to Tim Hortons and I'll get you all some donuts!" She flashed her signature; 'I love the mall and my friends!' smile and led her fans to the nearest Tim Hortons, paid by her for her fans. They screamed in admiration, and Robin was happy.


When Robin got her first job as a reporter in Red Deer, Alberta, she started drinking espresso. It was really a requirement for her line of work, the long nights on call, early morning reports. It was hard work, but Robin loved it. She loved that she was finally able to be herself, not 'JR', not 'Robin Sparkles', and sure as hell not 'Robin Daggers'. She was just Robin, and she liked that. Sure, it was nice having fans, but she was helping the people in Red Deer by bringing the news to them.

"It appears we have a bear attacking a home in East Red Deer, oh wait no, that my friends; is a moose. Will someone please give me the correct information next time, oh my god." As was told, it was hard work.


New York was everything Robin dreamed it would be, and the fact that she already had some guy pining after her made it even better. Ted Mosby, who said he "might be in love" with Robin on the first date was... Sweet, but a little odd. Sort of like his friends: Marshall, Lily, and Barney.

"AND THAT" Barney exclaimed to the gang, "was how I wrestled a shark, true story." he said tipping his scotch glass to the group with grin, Robin shook her head and laughed; she could get used to these guys. Ted suggests that she try a pumpkin spice latte, because "they are really good" (he is such a girl) and she starts drink her coffee that way because why not?

She starts dating Ted within the year.


Her relationship with Ted is blissful while it lasts, but it ends when they find they are looking for different things; he wants marriage, she doesn't, it's as simple as that. Her past she's tried to desperately hide comes back once again, in the form of her love ballad "Sandcastles in the Sand" when her old flame Simon comes back to town and she finds herself just as she was in her teenage years; Infatuated. Just as it was when she was a teenager, Simon dumps her for Louise Marsh, who Robin vaguely wonders if going to Louise's birthday party when she was a child would have prevented this. In an unlikely turn, she is comforted by the person she thought previously thought didn't care; Barney. She promises him Sandcastles in the Sand and they end up sleeping together, Robin thinks one simple thought the next morning.

"This might be the worst thing I've ever done" except that it isn't, because Barney really is that good. She pours her coffee the next morning but keeps it black, like her soul.


When she dates Barney she feels complete, because FINALLY someone is awesome enough to keep up with her. It may be a secret, but it still feels real even without the talk. That summer she lazily sits on his coach sipping her coffee, still black because that's how he drinks it and she knows it's going to crumble down eventually but she's enjoying it now so what does she care.

It's a wonderful summer.

"Hey babe did you pick up the movie?" Robin's boyfriend asks as he walks in, giving her a quick smooch before going up to his TV.

"Yeah I already put it in the DVD player." she replies pulling him down next to her while simultaneously turning on the TV.

"You're awesome, Scherbatsky. You know that?" he says, and she blushes.


While she wouldn't admit it, Robin hated breaking up with people. Barney and her decided it would be best to remain friends, which stung because right after he started sleeping around again, even if she figured it was a coping mechanism. Don's breakup hurt because she turned down a wonderful job opportunity to be with him, only to have her heart broken because he was offered that same job when she pushed it away, and he took it. She starts to drink her coffee with sugar, hoping it will sweeten her life up and distract her from her new peppy co-host Becky.

"I made cookies for everyone at the station!" Becky squeals joyfully, and Robin glares daggers.

"Would you pay attention to our show, Becky?" she says icily.

"Oh right!" Becky replies airily, unaware of her coworkers anger.


There's a chance for Barney and her to get back together; she can feel it. Ted's trying to win back Zoey and her and Barney are teaming up to stop him and they work really well together. She knows in her heart Barney can feel it too, she still loves him, and she knows that he probably does too. In the end they stop Ted from a horrible mistake, and find that they are probably best not getting back together either. Then Barney sees Nora and all Robin can think of is, it's probably better that way.

"Want to head to MacLaren's? I could go for a drink right now." Robin says to Barney as he walks back her way.

"Uh no, I think I'm good, but thanks for asking, Sparkles." he grins and calls a taxi, gestures for her to get in and says,

"I'll pay for the cab, get in." and she obliges because what else is she going to do. She wakes up in the middle of the night and makes herself a brew reminiscent of her childhood: Full of sweetener and cream.


Barney gets together with Nora and Robin almost ruins it. She gets a shrink named Kevin and they start going out.

It's nice to have some security for once.

Robin and the gang talk about hurricane Irene and how they got the no-bogey boarding sign. Kevin goes home early and she splits a cab with Barney. They sleep together, and they same thought she had when she slept with him the first time runs through her head again.

"This might be the worst thing I've ever done." Oops she might have said that out loud.

"Hey you weren't at the top of your game but..." it was a mistake and they both knew it, but it couldn't help but feel right. Barney proposes that they break up with their significant others and she agrees.

She doesn't break up with Kevin, but she knows that Barney broke up with Nora. She can see the heartbreak on his face as he leaves to go home. She orders an espresso with a side of scotch. It doesn't make sense, but it calms her nerves.


When she finds out she's pregnant she drinks no coffee whatsoever. She feels horrible, because she hasn't slept with Kevin, which makes in Barney's, and Barney would love to be the father of her child but she doesn't know if she wants kids at all.

It's horrible.

When she finds out she's not pregnant she is overjoyed, and goes directly to the liquor store to buy some booze. The doctor office calls and she expects to find out that they made a mistake and that she is pregnant, but instead she finds out she can't have kids at all.

Oh.

She drinks about five macchiatos that night along with spiked eggnog. Ted tries to cheer her up, and it works, but she can't help the biting feeling that she can never have kids... at all.


When her relationship ends with Kevin it is much like the ending to Ted; Robin didn't want kids, and that was something that couldn't be accepted. It sucks even more because Ted himself is still in love with her and she doesn't feel the same way. She tells him and he gets upset, but it needed to be done. They rekindle the friendship when Lily has Marvin, and Barney gets engaged to Quinn. One thing good happens another bad thing happens.

"Last chance to run away together." She can't take it so she stays up all night watching chick flicks and drinking mochas.


The summer is fine, and the sex with Nick is nice, but Robin can't feel like something is missing. The outrageous pre-nup and the breakup of Quinn and Barney are enough to affirm her suspicions; she misses Barney. And then it's Barney breaking up her and Nick and wow that was an act? Then the strip club and the kiss, how awkward! But then he says he's done trying to get her and her heartstrings are yanked and she needs to sleep with him one last time but now he's with Patrice

"NOBODY ASKED YOU HERE PATRICE!" Robin screams, and she's mortified to find out that Barney invited her. God she needs a drink.

Later, after all the work is done and Barney proposes (why did she ever doubt him?) Robin looks at him with so much love she wishes that they'd come to their senses earlier. She loves him, and she will be his and he will be hers forever. She opens her eyes to see him sleeping soundly beside her; she slips out and kisses him on his forehead before heading to their kitchen, setting up the coffee maker for a batch. She drinks it like him now; with whip cream on top and a chocolate covered coffee bean, it is otherwise black. She peaks her head back in to her snoring fiancé and she smiles warmly: Oh how her taste has matured.