Well – My first (and pretty dodgy) attempt at publicly displaying a fanfiction. Please Read it, and give me honest feedback and suggestions – Let me know if you want to hear more of the story … I know Its long to start, lets call it the pilot!!!
It carries on from the season 2 final – you'll know where I mean!
Oh and am I supposed to say - I dont own any of the characters ... yup - okay lets go!!
Meredith stood motionless. Each blink of her eyes seemed like a lifetime, the most important decision she has ever had to make was staring her in the face.
There has always been a division between what you want and what you need. My mother used to always remind me that you can't always get what you want … She said it so many times it had become for me, clichéd and meaningless … right now, I can see that she was so right! I WANT to love Finn, he's perfect, he's kind, confident and he has plans … plans for me. Derek, I think my body is trying to tell me that I need him, I love him, he makes me feel safe he completes me.
(Meredith turns away from them both and descends the stairs in search of Izzie.)
Yeah I know, there you go again Mer, walk away from the important decisions in your life! I don't want to, but I don't want to get hurt again … I need not to get hurt again.
(Camera cuts to the car park)
"George?" Meredith inquires
"Mer, she's really upset … I don't know what to do, I mean, I'm George. I listen to your boy problems, I know what you guys are feeling, I know when your sad, happy and hiding something – I buy you tampons for God's sake! I just don't know what to …"
"Just be here, like when we can't get to sleep, you're just there – you don't have to say anything."
The interns sit in silence, Izzie in Alex's arms sobbing.
"Derek, are you coming home?" Addison gives him a knowing look
"Yeah, sure … You got the keys?" Addison shakes her head. "Shit, I left them upstairs … Meet me out at the car?" Derek knew full well Meredith would be up on the rooftop car park. This was his chance to talk to her.
"Mer …"
"Shit, leave me alone Derek" Meredith got up to walk away.
George was confused, and asked Callie what was going on, she squeezed his arm and gave him a knowing look.
"Sex?" he whispered in her ear. She nodded "No way …"
"Look Mer, I know you don't want to talk about it now, but we need to work out what happened back there. I love you more than anything in the world, didn't you feel it when I touched your hand when Doc … And when we looked in each others eyes across the room, and when we … well you know. It felt so different than the other times, when we were together before … Mer? …"
She knew he was right, she felt it too … the sex meant something to her, it meant more than just love, it felt like forever.
"I'll be right back guys" She gestured to George, Callie and Christina. Then took Derek by the arm and led him into the stairwell. "Derek, I felt it too, I felt complete with you. You're married! You have a WIFE and I can't be that home wrecker that breaks up a marriage. I'm not that kind of girl" Her eyes welled with tears, she couldn't look at him because if she did she would once again do something she'd regret, even though it would feel so great.
"Damnit Meredith, can't you see, I have never and will never love anyone as much as I love you … look at me Meredith, Mer…" He takes her chin and forces her to look at him. He see looks into her eyes, tears are streaming down her face. He sees something in her eyes, something he's never seen in her when he's been with her. Fear. "Shit … Meredith I am so sorry, I've made you fear me." He kisses her on the forehead. Meredith slips something in his coat pocket. "I'm a bastard, choose Finn … I just hope he loves you as much as I do." He turns away from her and walks down the stairs.
"And Mer … I'm leaving Addison, chief said something that I can't get out of my head" He walks away.
The Chief? Meredith thinks "Wha … What did he say?" remembering the conversation she had with him earlier. But regrets calling him back.
"He told me that one day he had to make the same decision once, with your mum, and he told me that he'd made the wrong one. And I don't care if it's too late to be with McGorgeous I just cant love anyone else, she'll always be my McGorgeous"
"Derek, talk to me after you make that right decision you've got to make …"
"Sorry, I couldn't find the keys … Bailey had moved them off the coffee table" Derek explains
"Whatever lets just go home. I'm stuffed." Addison replies
The trip back home they say in silence. When they got home Addison flopped on the bed, Derek took a beer from the fridge and sat out on the porch. Just as he started to drown in thoughts of his Meredith, he herd the door open …
"Derek? I know you went to be with her …" His eyes widened and he looked away. "It was pretty bloody obvious; you weren't there all night, not really. I saw you look at her when she arrived, and you staring at her while we were dancing, and she looked at you the same." Addison's voice was quavering. When I came to Seattle I thought I had enough love for the both of us. I guess I was wrong. I knew you loved her, I just didn't want to give you away so easily."
Derek still didn't know how to reply. After a long pause, he broke the silence. "So you stuffed my life up even more. Thanks heaps Addie."
"I'll sign the papers, I'll talk to Meredith and I'll go back to Mar…" Derek's eyes shot up. "I mean New York" She realised that she just let it slip that she was seeing Mark right up until her placement at Seattle Grace.
"Just leave me be Addie …" "Der …" she tried "JUST LEAVE ME TO LIVE MY LIFE, YOU HAVE DONE ENOUGH ALREADY"
Meanwhile Meredith had returned to the car where they all still sat being with Izzie.
"Are you okay Meredith" Callie asked, without saying a word Callie knew she needed a talk "Come with me" Deep down Meredith wanted to tell Callie, and all in an instant she regurgitated everything to her new friend.
"He loves me and I want him so bad but then there's Finn and he has plans for us and he lost his wife and I make him feel real again and Ill break his heart if I leave him and I don't want to hurt anyone like Derek hurt me before and how do I even know he's really gunna leave Addison for his dirty ex-mistress anyway I just ca …"
"Whoa! Meredith Grey for someone who thought I had hygiene problems you got a lot of problems yourself." Meredith felt taken aback by that "Look, I think deep in that verbal diarrhoea you might just find the answer. I told George I loved him, I was upset when he didn't say it back, but if I'd just let him explain I would have realised he was just waiting so he'd really mean it. Derek Shepherd is not the kind of guy who'd lie about his feelings. I mean I remember when I misdiagnosed poor Mr Chen with bone cancer when it was … well, anyway – he didn't hesitate to let me know he had the major shits with me! Just go home and get some sleep"
"Thankyou" She replied. That's all she said, and she knew it was enough.
"Alex, can you stay tonight?" Izzie pleaded
"Uhh … Sure umm, where do you wan …" he stuttered
"Hold me, please, I want someone to hold me, make me feel safe…" she fell asleep.
Alex never felt this way before, he'd never taken charge like that with anyone. But with Izzie he wanted to make her feel safe, without any reward like sex or a relationship, sleeping with her? He felt weird about it, he would have felt weird about the request from any girl, and he felt weirder hearing it from the girl he loved. He unzipped her formal dress and went to the drawer to find her track pants and pyjama top. He didn't even feel weird when he came across her underwear draw.
He dressed her and placed her sleeping body under the blankets. He went to leave, but she whimpered and held his arm. He had no choice but to sleep beside her until she woke the next morning.
"Hey, how long have you been awake?" Izzie yawned
"About an hour, but your lying on my arm" he replied. "You wanna get up? 'Couse you know, if you don't I can get you breakfast and whatever you want and …"
"Thankyou Alex, thanks for being a great friend." His heart stopped; during his whole internship no-one had referred to him as their friend and that felt good. His mind wandered back to the conversation he had with the chief. You don't always like them, but their your team … he thought that what he said was crap – they were is team, but they were his friends … his family.
All Izzie felt like doing was lying in bed thinking about the good times she would have had if Denny hadn't died. Sobbing. Wishing away all she had to be with Denny again.
Hehe - that was fun! But Im only going to update if you guys tell me how it was ... be honest :P - Thanks, Ella
