Autors note:
Hello readers, thank you for checking out my first CaptainSwan fanfiction! I have been working on this a lot, changed it a thousand times, so don't expect to get chapters very fast because I always take a long time to write a chapter (I am currently struggling with chapter 5 of this), so please be patient with me! I would love to read your reviews to help me get better and to know what you think of this story, is it crap should I even continue it ...?
And don't be mad at me for any mistakes since my mother's tongue is German not English :)
Killian's POV
Chapter 1 - When we were in flames, I needed you:
Enchanted Forest:
Darkness surrounded me, hugging me tightly like a desperate mother clinging to her only child while the life was sucked out of the kid slowly. I could hear not a single sound. Not even my own screams. All was extinguished by the heaps of water. This silence was unbearably when I thought of what was happening on the surface.
I was weightless, floating somewhere between the surface and the ground of the ocean. I had given up my fight against the raging of the ocean. It was useless since I could not tell if the swimming strokes I made got me nearer to the surface or even farther down. My orientation was gone in this blinding darkness.
I did not know how much time has passed. Time did not seem to matter anyway anymore.
Suddenly, my head plunged out of the water. I took deep breaths. The pain was insufferable. Every breath felt like my lungs were being filled with my own blood. Or worse, it felt like I was breathing in some acid which destroyed me from the inside.
Not a single star could be seen on this night. The thick clouds of smoke blocking my vision to orientate myself. I looked around. The ocean was dipped in red and orange shades, you could almost pretend it was the sunrise expect for the sinking ship in the distance and the screaming people on the ship and in the water.
The water was arising like an angry sea-monster, burying men, women and children, displacing them in the depths of the ocean. For most of them there would be no salvation. The ocean seemed to be insatiably for human flesh.
I wanted to find something to pull myself up to. But before I could start looking, another wave swallowed me, bringing me down into the darkness once more. The coldness was creeping up my bones slowly. I was shivering violently. It felt like I was being frozen.
Although every movement hurt, I kept making swimming strokes, kicking with my feet like I fought an invisible enemy. My limbs felt numb and stiff, my muscles were sore from the bitter cold. But the movement made the coldness bearable. It made my heart beat faster.
I could feel the need for air burning in my lungs. And then…
I just let go.
My arms and feet stopped moving. I guessed this was it. I would die here. This was how it was supposed to be. A captain should die in the depths of the ocean, greeting death while being in the soft embrace of the water. Preferable, a captain should sink with his own ship. But the Jolly Roger was long gone. Just like everything else.
My eyes got heavy. The pain of water filling my lungs was fading. But I guessed it was okay. I had nothing to go back to. No one was waiting for me. No one would search for me. There was no one left who cared enough.
My life has become worthless. It should not be prolonged any longer. I have tricked death a lot of times. I have always considered myself as lucky but now I was not so sure anymore. How many lives could have been spared, how much misery could have been avoided if I had died when my time had come, 300 years ago.
My life has been long enough. I was tired of living. It was time to pay the price for all of my sins. I have been so blind all my life. My desire for revenge and vengeance turning me into a person I have never been, I have never wanted to become. I lost myself along the way. I was consumed by the shadows of my past, swallowed by all the darkness.
For someone like myself there was no hope left. I was not really living anymore, I just wanted to reach my goal, to kill Rumpelstiltskin.
But then there was a light in my darkness, shining so bright and strong to banish all the darkness.
Just when I thought of her, there was a ray of light fighting its way through the dark ocean.
Someone appeared in front of me. Golden curls floating around an angel-like face. Green eyes watching me lovingly. Pink lips curled into a smile. A white dress hugging her perfect body. Was this a hallucination or a dream? Was she a siren? Whatever it was, I did not care.
I had tears in my eyes for it has been such a long time to lay my eyes on her. Every hair on my body was upright. Everything else was forgotten. My need for air, my tiredness. I only carved for her touch. I tried to reach her, to touch her, to pull her in my arms, to place kisses all over her body.
She was still smiling at me. Like nothing has changed. Like no time has gone by. Just when I was about to put my arms around her, she transformed into a swan. The light reflecting on its feathers making it appear golden. The swan swam a few times around me and then it swam under my left arm. With a strength that I would not have thought possible of such a graceful animal, it pulled me upwards. We broke through the surface.
I was breathing in heavily, I coughed water. I must have swallowed a lot of salt water. I hoped instantly I did not upset my stomach. My gaze fell to the swan. I nearly had to laugh out loud. It was not a living animal. It was the wooden swan that has been on our ship as a present for a princess living in a far away land. The water must have dived it down.
So she was just a hallucination, what a surprise. Nonetheless, it had been good seeing her. Maybe for the last time. I may not have drowned but I was doomed. I was in the middle of the ocean. I had no supplies. It was only a matter of time.
The ocean has calmed down. The screams have died down. I wondered if there were other survivors or if I was the only one.
There were many good people on this ship. Soldiers, cooks, passengers. I was a sailor on this ship, no piracy, no robbery, I got paid fairly well. It was enough for myself. It would have been a good life…. If I had not been used to the Jolly Roger and being Captain of my own ship.
I clung to the swan. I was floating on the water for hours. I watched the sun rise. My mouth was dry. I wished I had some rum with me. Rum made everything easier. It has been my elixir before her and after her only the more.
I was so tired. I nearly gave into sleep a couple of times. But I was afraid I would let go of the swan in my sleep and drown.
I always looked around. For other survivors. For land. But all I could see was water. This was a hopeless situation. There was only one choice left that I could make. I could either let myself drown or die of thirst.
—-
I was woken by a bucket full of water. Sleep must have overtaken me at some point. I was starring at a mast and sails. I must be on a ship. A black banner was hissed. Pirates.
Then I smelled it. Rum and many unwashed men. A few of them were grinning at me devilishly, others just stared grimly at me. Did they knew who I was? But Captain Hook did not exist anymore. He has become a legend, a fairytale. He was not real any longer.
I could hear whispers, but I could not tell what they were saying. Suddenly, everyone got quiet. The mass of people split into two halves, making space for their - I assumed - captain. I could not see his face for the sun was shining so brightly.
My clothes were sticking to my body - the white linen shirt and the brown trousers. The leather was gone. My skin was strewn with salt - it was really hot on deck, the water must have vaporized. I must look miserable. Good. Maybe they would kill me quickly or leave me at the next port when they realized how useless I was to them.
Whenever the captain made a step towards me, I could hear a clatter. It took me a while to notice the wooden leg of the captain.
I lay huddled on deck. My body still ached. My stomach felt weak. I have not drunken for hours, maybe days. The captain kicked me with his good leg. I crouched because of the pain and let out a strange noise which I could not hold back.
The captain kneeled in front of me. I shaded my eyes from the sun to get a closer look at him. He was defaced. His face looked almost as if it was burned. His left eye gone. Scars all over his left side of the face. Nonetheless, his features seemed so familiar. I knew that I have seen this man before although I could not quite place him.
He grabbed my chin hard and starred at me. „Almost did not recognize ya, Hook." So we really have met before. „I don't go by that name anymore." „I figured so much. No silly hook, no unmanly leather. And yet… you look more ridiculous than ever. You are a shame for all pirates."
He slammed my head against the floor. I could feel blood running down from some wound on my forehead. „I prayed to the gods that I would get the chance to see you again, Hook. After all those years … But I knew that we would meet again, asked a seer. Said it was our destiny to cross paths once again. And here we are. Out of all the rats in the ocean my crew fished you out of the sea."
He smirked at me - at least, I thought it should be a smirk. It was not easy reading his face. „It's a shame that you don't seem to recognize your old friend." And then it hit me. Why his voice was so familiar. It took me so long to realize who he was because I thought that he was dead. And of course because of his face, his beard gone, from what I could tell he now had a skinhead.
„Blackbeard." „Ah, what gave me away? Can't be my face, since I don't recognize myself in the mirror anymore after you little brat left me to be mauled by the mermaids." And now I could see what caused his scars. Not flames. Sharp teeth and fingernails. Hungry mermaids that had wanted to tear him apart and eat him alive. Mermaids loved to dine on people who knew exactly what was happening to them, they were spurred by the fear in the eyes of their victims, they loved the taste of human flesh when the heart was still beating.
It was a miracle to me that he has survived. And what torture it must have been.
„You surely wonder how I survived. You see, no one can resist a good deal. But I have lost my leg in the process of presenting my offer. And my left eye. And most of my left side of my face." „It's not that you have been very handsome to begin with." He slammed my head against the deck once more.
„You seem very eager of me killing you. Don't stretch things. Over the years I had many thoughts on how I should punish you and you see… death seemed to be too kind. Then it came to my ears that the dark one has taken your wife from you and I thought Hook surely wants to be reunited with her. So I won't allow you to die!" „You are mistaken. The dark one killed my wife a long time ago." „Yeah, but I am not speaking of Milah. I talk about your second wife. The lovely daughter of King Charming and Queen Snow White. It's a shame I have forgotten the name of your whore, can you jog my memory?"
„How dare you call her a whore!" I jumped up, my fists held in front of me, ready to hit him. But before I could even touch him, I was pinned down. Blackbeard was laughing in my face. The whole crew joined him. I glared at him. After the crew has calmed down, he said: „I have decided a fate for you that is thousand times worse than death. A fate so cruel that you will wish I killed you. In your nightmares you will see me haunting you, you will call me a monster. A monster without mercy and that I am."
He gave some men a wink. I was pulled up and brought to the mast on which they tied me. My back was facing the crew and Blackbeard. I could hear something buzzing in the air. I could not place it.
„You were captain of your own ship for over 300 years. You gave the orders and others followed them. You always did as you pleased, not caring about anyone else but yourself. I figured your freedom meant a lot to you. So that's why I decided to rob you of your freedom."
Something slammed on my back. I could feel the shirt and my skin ripping apart. I was whipped. The whip came down on my back again and again and again. I have never felt such immense pain. I did not want to but I screamed. My eyes were wet, but I would not give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
„Get used to it, Hook. Because I'm gonna sail ya on the slaves market. You will be no free man anymore. You will be no human anymore, you will be a possession and treated as such. You won't be allowed to speak unless someone asks you to do so. After your work is done you will be tied somewhere against a wall, unable to run away. You will slowly rot there. I get my revenge and a lot of money. I am sure that many are willing to pay a lot for the infamous Captain Hook. Maybe one of your enemies has an open business with you."
I got lashed again. I whimpered without my consent. I could not help it. The crew was jelling me a weakling. But I did not care. My vision got blurry. I would pass out soon.
—-
Flashback: Storybrooke
I was chasing golden curls, I could only catch glimpses of them now and again. The cornfield was dense and higher than I was tall. Her laughing gave her away all the time. Without it I would have lost her half an hour ago. I speeded up to catch her and suddenly, I was standing in an open area.
There she was standing on a picnic blanket. That sneaky woman has planned this all along. I did not slow down, I ran towards her and once I reached her, I put my arms around her and lifted her up. I was spinning us around.
The sun was shining through her golden hair. Her smile the most beautiful painting I have ever seen. Since we were together I got to see it more often. Not often enough for my taste. She had small wrinkles around her eyes when she smiled like this. I loved every wrinkle on its own, a memory of all the smiles she had given. Her green eyes burning into mine.
I lost my balance and I landed on the picnic rug, she on top of me. We both were laughing. I put a strand of hair behind her ear. She leaned closer and kissed me. My heart still ceased to beat for a few seconds when she kissed me. After all the kisses we shared, every new one was still better than the last.
She was my drug, my new rum. I could not get enough of her. And she tasted so much better than rum. Her soft, sweet lips tasting like pure sin and heaven all at the same time.
I still could not believe my luck. I was a villain, someone without a happy ending. And yet, here I was, the most beautiful woman lying in my arms. We were even thinking about getting a child. A little brother or sister for Henry, who I loved like my own.
I knew that I did not deserve her, that she deserved better. But I would try hard. I would dedicate my whole life to see her happy, to make her smile.
I always dreamed about having a family. I was alone most of my life with only the rum keeping me from running crazy. And now I had her. Emma. And Henry. And David, Mary Margaret and their son Neal. I had friends in Storybrooke. Robin. I even considered Regina as my friend. Ruby, Leroy and all the others.
I was welcomed here in Storybrooke and accepted. It felt good to be needed. It felt good that people asked me for my help, for my advice.
„I love you, Killian." „I love you too, Emma." She placed a cascade of kisses all over my face. We were so distracted that we did not notice the sky getting darker, black clouds above our heads. Some raindrops were hitting us. And then a lightning struck only meters from us.
We both jumped up. I pressed Emma protectively against my body. The cornfield was being split and someone was approaching us. It was the beginning of the end.
