Author's Note: In honour of all the bad!fic out there and of all of the stories whose authors claim are better than they sound. The implementation of each summary is mine, though I have no idea who the original authors are, nor do I know their actual stories: that is, these chapters have been inspired solely by others' summaries. The characters all belong to J.K. Rowling and her publishers; I am simply playing with them for my own amusement.
Bad!fic I:
Hermione bustled about the Ministry offices. It had been four long years since she had graduated from Hogwarts. The war was still on (Voldemort having refused to call it off, despite his inability to ever win against a young man less than half his age.), and she was now working as an Unspeakable, doing quite unspeakable things.
Suddenly, a figure crept up behind her. Hermione looked up from her work sharply at the slight sound of the sudden displacement of air molecules. "Who's there?" she asked.
"No one," came the answer.
Hermione whirled around, brandishing her wand, but the Dementor was too fast, and immediately Hermione began to relive her worst memories, memories which had gotten significantly worse in the past four years of the war.
Hermione was sobbing. It was Ron's funeral. He had died heroically, trying to save a kitten from a Death Eater's twisted sense of fun. Harry held her and tried to give her some comfort, but all she could think of was the fact that he was not Ron. She wailed louder.
Suddenly, there was a collective gasp from all of the collected mourners, except for Hermione, of course, who was still sobbing onto Harry's shoulder, but at Harry's nudge she looked up.
'Oh, Ron!' she cried out upon seeing the figure standing at the edge of the grave. 'You're alive!'
'Yeah, of course I am, 'Mione,' he replied, giving her a confused look. 'Who died?'
'Oh, Ron, you did!' she wailed.
'What? No I didn't,' he answered.
'Oh, Ron, but you did, you did!' Hermione left Harry's arms to run at her beloved. Unfortunately, just as she reached him, she stumbled on a rock and fell into his arms. Ron, however, had not expected the weight and fell backwards, hitting his head on a rock as he did, and so he died, of massive trauma to the head, at his own funeral.
Hermione was forced to relive the horror of her love dying at his own funeral; she began to collapse from it all. But then, a voice shouted, 'EXPECTO PATRONUM!' A bright light shone, and she could see the Patronus driving away the Dementor.
It was Harry, coming just in time to save the love of his life, who would never acknowledge him, for her love was dead, and so he would go on through life completely unappreciated and still hated by Snape.
END.
