Title: Square One
Author: ScullyAsTrinity
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Uh, yeah. I loathe CC like none other. And so do you, don't deny it!
Summary: You think this is easy.
A/N: This is going out to the lovely Karen. I just... I just love her. And a small mention for Lauren who's angst-in it up as I type! WOOT!
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You think this is easy. Fine, good, great, grand.
Yes, I have a doctorate. Hello! I'm a doctor, papers to freakin prove it. And yet, an egotistical bastard of a man... can turn me into a little puddle of goo. Make me rethink all of the decisions I've ever made. Made me second-guess myself, myself!
Berkeley, Maryland, Quantico. Nothing even compares to the challenge he can issue with just a glance. With a touch. With one word, I pour over everything that I've ever done with him and wonder... just wonder.
Oh, I hate him, I really do.
But I'm just so in love with him.
God the sisterhood should just toss me out the door now.
I have to trust him, every second of every minute of every hour of every day. But he, he's allowed to throw my trust out the window at the drop of the hat. I can lie, and it's a sin, unforgivable to him. He can lie to me and I'm just supposed to brush it off.
His quest perhaps, but it's my damn heart.
Thing that really gets to me is that there really isn't any room for logic in love. Logic makes love seem childish and love makes logic appear... well... non-existent.
I'll smile and I'll argue and I'll pretend I'm not thinking about running my hands through his hair. I'll pretend, like the good special agent that I am (I am special damn it!), that I'm not wondering just what his skin tastes like; what he would say to me beneath the sheets... that is, if he even has sheets.
We all know how Mulder is, am I right? Thought so.
His voice irritates me, and I could really do without the damn sunflowers seeds, the incessant need to masturbate (where does that come from?) and well... the aliens. But I can live with all that if he'd just...
If I'd just...
I don't know. I do not know. For someone so brazenly intelligent (and I am, don't lie) I am just so freaking daft when it comes to one Fox William Mulder.
Mulder's the type of man... let's say if he felt the same way... he wouldn't be content to hang the moon and the stars. No, he's want to airbrush my name across them in some obscene neon paint, and then he'd grin that smarmy grin of his...
And I'd kiss it right off his damn face. See how this works? I'm back at square one again! Frustrates me to no end, annoying son of a-but dear god his lips. And his eyes, and the way he saves me from myself and the world.
The way he looks at me when he thinks I don't notice. Touches my lower back and I feel like I'm home. Hands me a coffee and want to fall deeply into matrimonial bliss. Know I can't, wish I could.
Polar opposites, trying so desperately not to be drawn together, for the good of our careers. For the good of humanity. Well, humanity my ass.
Jesus.
You think this is easy.
