A/N: Two of my favourite things, Ed Sheeran and Caskett. This song just popped in my head, so I wrote a fic, clearly I'm not going to stop until I write a fic for every song on his album... I hope you like it .


I wanna hold your heart in both hands

Not watch it fizzle at the bottom of a Coke can


This was stupid. That was all he could say about what happened. Stupid. He was stupid. Angry, jealous, but mostly stupid. He just wished this night never happened, because he wasn't sure if he could fix this.

Tonight was the launch party of his new book and naturally, Paula had hooked him up with arm candy, Crystal. She was beautiful. He would admit and not as ditzy and money hungry as the usual ones were, but she was still all over him and that was something he could do without. He kept watch for the entrance, wondering when Kate would show up, if she would show up, the book was based on her after all.

A few glasses of champagne later, Castle sat in a booth with a handful of other authors and his arm candy clutching tightly to him. If didn't bother him as much, the champagne had loosened him up and he was having a good time discussing future plotlines with his fellow authors. He was just in the middle of telling a story of Nikki and Jameson's latest tryst when he spotted her walking through the doors. He stopped speaking mid-sentence and turned towards the door, mouth hanging open as he watched her search the room.

She was beautiful, dressed in a light blue dress that stopped mid-thigh, hugging all of her curves perfectly, it left little to the imagination. His eyes trailed down her legs, those long, toned legs that he dreamed many times about, coming to stop at her incredibly high heels. He could feel Crystal tugging on his arm to get his attention, but nothing could get him to tear his eyes from Kate, from admiring the way her long, brown hair fell in waves around her face. That beautiful face that he would never get tired of seeing.

Instantly, his heart fell when he saw a man he didn't know appear in his vision, wrapping his arm around Kate. They weren't together so why did he feel so betrayed? He watched her smile up at the man and lean into to him and he led her to the bar. Suddenly anger flared in him and before he knew it he was pushing his way out of the booth, ignoring the call from Crystal, she was not the woman he wanted on his arm right now. He made his way over to the bar, doing his best to calm himself, knowing his anger was misplaced.

"Detective Beckett, how nice of you show up." He greeted her, sounding a bit harsher than he intended.

He noticed her flinch at his cold tone before quickly smiling.

"Well Castle, I couldn't miss the party." She replied.

Castle nodded, his eyes flickering over to her date who sat by her side looking between the two of them.

"And this is?" He turned to him, plastering a smile on his face.

Kate eyed him suspiciously, sensing something was up.

"This is Ryan, he's a paramedic." She said, "Ryan this is Richard Castle."

Ryan extended his hand and placed a huge smile on his face, "Mr. Castle, it's very good to meet you, I've been reading your books since I was in college."

Castle shook his hand, grasping it a little tighter than necessary, "Well don't make me sound so old."

Ryan laughed and looked back to Kate, "You're right, he is funny."

Kate's face instantly turned red and she ducked her head, her hair forming a curtain around her face.

"I'm funny huh?" He turned to look at Kate, a smirk on his face, "You talking about me Beckett?"

She held her head up and rolled her eyes, "I only tell him how annoying you are, he finds it funny."

He nodded and pressed his lips into a thin line, the champagne was wearing off and he was feeling the anger flare up in him again.

"Well, enjoy the party you two." He smiled as he walked around the other side of the bar, keeping close watch.

"Tequila, keep it coming." He told the bartender, who instantly placed a shot glass in front of him and filled it. Castle swallowed it down as the bartender refilled it.

Eventually, Ryan stood and led Kate to the dance floor and began dancing, it wasn't a slow song, so they weren't pressed up against each other thank God for that, Castle didn't know if he could control himself if that happened.

"Richard, where've you been?" He heard a chirpy voice say.

He turned his head to see Crystal watching him, her hand running up and down his arm. He looked back towards the dance floor and back to Crystal and decided, screw it.

Maybe it was his jealousy, maybe it was the tequila or maybe it was both that led him to do what he did.

"Let's dance." He offered a hand to her and she lit up immediately as she slid her hand into his and he led her out to the dance floor.

The song was ending and a slow song began to play, he felt Crystal lean into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. He spotted Kate and Ryan making their way back to the bar, laughing and having fun.

He didn't know why he was this angry, he had seen Kate with other men before. Maybe it was because he had told her he loved her and she remembered, he thought something would happen, that they would try for what he so desperately wanted, but clearly he was wrong.

After another song started, Crystal leaned closer to his ears and whispered.

"Let's get out of here?" She whispered.

With all the alcohol in his system, mixed with the high level of anger and jealousy he figured, why not? There wasn't anyone he had to be faithful to anyways. So he followed her as she led him through a side door. She pressed him against the wall and kissed him. Instinctively he fought back, but then relaxed as the alcohol took over, but he didn't kiss her back, he couldn't. He heard a door open and someone gasp. He turned his head in the direction of the interruption, breaking the kiss and his heart froze at what he saw.

Kate stood in the doorway, mouth hanging open and eyes wide, looking between Castle and Crystal.

"Can't you see we're busy here?" Crystal spat, eyeing Kate up and down, still pressed up against Castle.

Kate glared at Castle, he could see the hurt flash over her face, "I'm sorry, I'll leave you two."

"Kate wait!" He called after as she hurried through the doors.

"Let her go Rick, she's not worth it." Crystal purred, running her hands over his chest.

He pushed her off of him and pulled the doors open, scanning the crowd for her, but he saw no sign of her. He did see Ryan however, laughing with a blonde girl over by the bar and he went over to him.

"Where's Kate?" He demanded.

Ryan turned to him looking confused, "She went to find you, to tell you how she feels, finally."

"I'm sorry, what?" Castle sputtered.

"Yea, you're all she talks about whenever we go out. I told her to tell you before she lost her chance, did she?" He asked, taking a sip from his glass.

"Aren't you her boyfriend?" Castle asked, feeling confused.

"Boyfriend? God no! I'm her cousin. She asked me to come with her." He clarified.

"Oh God." Castle groaned, slumping down in the stool.

"What's the matter?" Ryan asked.

"I need to find her." Castle said, dashing off into the crowd, his eyes searching. He found Ryan and Esposito talking up some girls off to the side and ran over to them.

"Guys! Have you seen Beckett?" He asked.

Esposito turned to him, "Uh yea, she just ran passed here not too long ago, said she had to head out. Why?"

"I messed up big time." Castle groaned, running his hand over his face.

"What'd you do?" Ryan asked, eying Castle suspiciously.

"I just gotta find her." He said running off again.

He burst through the doors and looked up and down the street wondering where she would have gone. He hopped in a cab and told him the address to her apartment. When he arrived he hopped out and ran up the stairs, not bothering to wait on the elevator. He knocked on her door and waited, after getting no response he decided she wasn't here.

He searched everywhere for her, but he couldn't find her. He can't believe what happened, how could he have been so stupid. All he could see was the flash of hurt across her face, how could he ever get her to trust him again? It was probably never going to happen and he'd never get her now and it was his own stupid fault.

He didn't want to go home just yet and he was sure the book party was over and even if it wasn't, he didn't want to go back. So he made his way to The Old Haunt, not wanting to be in his right mind for a while. He pushed open the heavy doors and froze at what he saw.

She was there, seated at the bar. Her hair was a mess and she was slumped over the counter. He watched as she threw back a glass of alcohol, indicating for the bartender to refill her glass.

He remained where he was, wondering if he should make himself known. Explain to her what had happened, but what could he possibly tell her? There was no explanation, he was just stupid. But why did she come here, if she didn't want him to find her, she wouldn't have come to his bar, so maybe she did want him to find her.

At least he hoped so.

He took a deep breath and made his way over to her. She didn't look up as he approached, just stared blankly into her glass.

"Kate, I need to explain what happened tonight."

He had to talk to her, let her know he still wanted her, not some piece of arm candy Paula fixed him up with. He was hurt and angry and mostly jealous, but that was no excuse. He had to let her know. He just hoped she would listen.


And never an excuse I made up

Tell you the truth I hate

What didn't kill me

It never made me stronger at all.


End A/N: I intended for this to be a one chapter thing… But… Yea, now it's multi-chapter because… Well, just cause. So leave me a review? Tell me if I should bother with the next chapter? Thanks.