Summary: Takes place three years after Season 3. Jude stayed in Toronto and Tommy left for Asia. Past events will be explained throughout the current timeline of the story.

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Here We Go Again

"He's getting a divorce," Sadie blurted out. She'd held in the news for over two hours and it had almost killed her! She was sitting with her sister in the small breakfast area off the kitchen in their old house, now Sadie and Kwest's house.

Jude arched an eyebrow with interest. She had no idea who her sister was referring to, but she could recognize good gossip potential when she heard it. She waited patiently for Sadie to continue.

Sadie slowly took a sip of coffee, suddenly a little hesitant to tell Jude the rest. Well hell, she'd brought it up. "Tom. Tom's getting a divorce."

Jude's eyebrow fell back into place; she was no longer interested. "Well, this marriage lasted longer than the first one. He's been with Karen for almost two years. That's got to be a record for Quincy."

Sadie leaned across the table, grasping one of Jude's hands in hers. "I know you don't like to talk about him -"

"I never said that," Jude said as she yanked back her hand. She saw pity in her sister's eyes and it angered her. "I swear. You and Kwest. Both of you try to make more out of it than it is. He's Kwest's best friend, his name's going to come up once in a while. I've never stopped either of you from talking about him."

Sadie sat back in her chair cradling her coffee cup. "The last time Kwest brought up his name, you nearly took his head off."

"Your husband has a big mouth," Jude grumbled. She rubbed her temple, trying to stave-off the approaching headache. "He was in amateur psych mode, trying to analyze me again. He happened to be completely wrong, and I told him to back-off."

Sadie's voice was barely above a whisper, "But you stopped singing."

It took Jude a minute to make the connection, then she rolled her eyes. "Which has nothing to do with Tom Quincy," she said, slowly enunciating each word for effect. "I refused to make another album for G-Major, and since they wouldn't let me out of my contract, I didn't have any other choice but to stop singing. You know that!"

Sadie tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at her sister. That excuse only worked for so long. "Your contract ran out seven months ago. You write songs for other people to sing, and you produce other people's music, but you haven't started a new album yet. That's not right, Jude."

"And that's not you talking; that's Kwest," Jude countered. She loved the fact that Kwest cared about her, worried about her, but he'd begun ragging her about getting back into the studio and now he'd shanghaied her sister into his cause. "Sades, I never wanted to be a pop star. I've always, always said I'm a songwriter first and foremost. I love writing, and I have no problem with other people singing my songs. My music's still out there, that's the important part. I'll record when I'm ready, on my timetable, on my terms. Right now, writing and producing are all I want." She saw the pity still lingering in Sadie's expression. "Stop listening to your husband! This has nothing to do with Quincy! That's been over for years. Why are you even bringing it up?"

"He's moving back." Jude sat up straight in her chair with surprise, and Sadie nodded. "As soon as Karen files for divorce, he's quitting his job and moving back to Toronto."

The old thrill ran through Jude's system for a second, then disappeared as quickly as it came. She relaxed once again. "Quitting? More like he's getting fired. That's what happens when you marry the boss's daughter. Your job is tied to your relationship."

"He says he's quitting, but you're probably right," Sadie conceded. "Whatever the circumstances, he's going to be back here, and Kwest thinks he should..." Sadie scrunched up her face, knowing Jude wasn't going to like this. "Well, we do need another producer."

Jude barked out a laugh. "Quincy working at EastPhy?! Has Kwest lost his mind?"

Sadie chose to ignore her sister's outburst. "George Krause calls him all the time trying to lure him back to G-Major to produce the Instant Stars. Tom has always told him no, he doesn't want to go back there, not after everything, but he's going to need a job. We need another good producer. It's a win/win."

"That sounds reasonable," Jude said sincerely. "Present it that way to Jamie and see how far it gets you," she ended sarcastically.

"He'd do it if you asked," Sadie said quietly. She glanced up, saw Jude's mouth set in a hard line. "Jude, this is important! If you really don't care, if you're over Tom like you say you are, then why shouldn't he work for EastPhy? You always said he's a great producer, and we desperately need the help. How many producers have we cycled through in the past three years? Seven? Eight? We need to find someone permanent."

"Because when you're looking for stability, Tom Quincy is the first person you think of." Jude couldn't believe how unbelievable her uber-rational sister was being.

"He's changed, Jude." Jude shot her an incredulous look. "I know. I can't believe I'm saying it either, but he has changed. He wants something permanent. And we need the help!" Sadie shook her head in exasperation. "Ever since McEntire quit, you and Kwest have been killing yourselves. The only time I see Kwest is at work; he never gets home before eleven. And you're worse than he is. You practically live there. You work every weekend, every night. If you're not at the studio, you're at a remote. I had to make an appointment to have breakfast with you!"

Jude had to admit Sadie was right. She and Kwest were burning themselves out. Mac had picked the worst possible time to leave. Four new artists, plus the fifteen they already carried, stretched out between two producers. They needed three full-time producers, and maybe even a fourth part-time to cover the independent artists that rented studio time. But Tom Quincy? "Sadie, I understand where you're coming from, but Jamie's never going to agree to it. And if by some miracle he did, do you think Quincy's gonna want to work for him? He has no respect for Jamie. It would be a disaster."

Sadie puffed up and went on the attack. "This has nothing to do with Jamie! You don't want to work with him! You're still in love with him!"

Sadie's outburst caught Jude off guard. "I am not in love with Tom Quincy!" Yep, there was the headache. "I was in love with him - I admit that - but it was three years ago. If I'd gone with him to Asia, things might be different. If he'd come back instead of moving to Chicago, things might be different. But that's not what happened. We're both happy with the decisions we made. Well, he might not be happy right now since he's getting a divorce, but he was happy. You saw him and Karen at your wedding. They made a great couple. I don't know what changed, and I feel sorry for him, but that's it."

"Well, I don't think you're happy," Sadie insisted. "I don't think you've been happy for a very long time."

"How can you say that?" Jude asked, a little hurt. "I've got family and friends and a career I love. There's nothing about my life I'd change. I like where I am, what I'm doing. So I haven't found the next great love of my life. I'm only twenty-one; I've got time." Reluctantly, her mind wandered to the past. "Quincy and I were a bad idea from the start. Everyone was right; I was way too young. I can see now what a disaster we would have been together. I couldn't have handled him. He had way too much baggage from past relationships. I need someone whose open and honest about his feelings. Quincy was never able to do either of those things." She circled back to the previous conversation. "Please, stop listening to Kwest. I'm not recording, because I don't know what I want to say yet. When I do, I'll be back in the studio. It has nothing to do with Tom. And as for him working at EastPhy, I could care less. Jamie's the problem, not me."

"Then talk to Jamie. Convince him to hire Tom." Jude sat shaking her head and Sadie let out a little scream of frustration. "Jude, I want to have a baby!"

Once again, Sadie had managed to completely confuse her. Jude looked at her helplessly. "Then have a baby. What the hell does Quincy have to do with it?"

"We can't!" Sadie started to cry in frustration. "Kwest and I talked about it again last night. I don't want him missing doctor's appointments, and lamaze classes, and hell, at this rate, the birth of his first child because he has to be at the damn studio!" She tried to catch her breath around the tears. Jude hurried around the table and knelt down in front of her sister, catching both of Sadie's hands in hers. "I'm going to turn into a raving bitch, I just know it, with hormones and swelled ankles and midnight cravings. I don't want to go through it by myself! And I can't depend on you either! You and Kwest are the only family I have left, and I can't depend on either of you to be there for me!"

Jude wrapped her arms around Sadie and hugged her tight. She felt awful. This wasn't the first time they'd discussed kids, but it was the first time she saw how much Sadie really wanted them. And after what happened... The studio was crazy, and she knew Kwest didn't like working the extra hours anymore than she did, but Jude didn't realize the impact it was having on their marriage, their plans to start a family. "I get it. We need another producer." Sadie sniffled and nodded against Jude's shoulder. "I'll talk to Jamie about hiring someone. Give me another month or two to find -"

"No." Sadie pulled away from her. "No, Jude. I don't want to wait. Tom is perfect, and you know it. He's exactly what we need and he's available now. Talk to Jamie, please! I can't... I can't live like this anymore."

Jude sat back on her heels, not knowing what to say. She wanted to argue - oh how she wanted to argue. But Sadie's look of desperation quelled the urge. Tom Quincy working at Eastern Philosophy Records. How was she ever going to sell Jamie on the idea? "I'll talk to him. I'm not promising anything, but I'll talk to him."

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"If the building was on fire with me trapped inside, and my only two choices were burning alive in horrible, unimaginable pain or letting Tom Quincy in the front door to rescue me, I'd choose death," Jamie stated flatly.

Jude scratched the side of her head. "Yeah, I sorta figured you say something like that." She'd spent the entire day trying to find the best way to broach the subject, finally deciding there was no best way. Jamie wasn't going to like it no matter how she put it. She'd caught him in his office before he left to get the inevitable over with. "Stop looking at me like that. This isn't my idea; this is all Sadie."

Jamie should have known. Jude would never come up with this on her own, but if Sadie asked... "What is she thinking?!"

"She's thinking she wants a baby." Jude told him about her early conversation with her sister, then continued. "The baby thing aside, Kwest and I can't keep working like we have been. You know that. We need another producer. We've gone through the best talent in Canada, and we can't find anyone who's willing to stick around. At least with Quincy, we know he won't quit to go to G-Major, it doesn't matter how much money they offer him. He's an ass, but he's a hard worker and he gets the job done. He knows what he's doing, especially when it comes to helping raw talent define their voice. And we need a producer who can hit the ground running. Kwest and I don't have time to train someone. The contacts Quincy's developed in the States could be of use to us too. We keep talking about wanting to make a big push into the US market; he could help with that."

"Wait a minute," Jamie interrupted her. "Paegan, you and I have talked about the US market. Sadie doesn't know about that." He eyed her suspiciously. "You want me to hire him."

Jude reluctantly nodded. "I spent all day coming up with reasons to persuade you, and I... sorta... persuaded myself." She hurried on before he could blow-up. "Jamie, this isn't sixteen year-old, starry-eyed Jude talking. You know I'm over him. Tom Quincy - bad boyfriend material. This is twenty-one year-old, business-minded, completely profession Jude talking. He's extremely qualified and extremely available. And if we don't find some way to get a little normalcy in the production schedule, my sister is going to go postal! She wants a baby now."

Jamie roughly ran his hand over his face. "I'm really going to have to thinking about this, aren't I? I mean..." He sighed heavily. "Fuck!"

Jude shrugged. "He could solve a lot of problems."

"He could create a lot of problems too," Jamie reminded her. "It took you a year to get over him, Jude. A year! He'll come in, and look at you the way he does, and you'll go all wonky, and then he'll turn around and break your heart. I can't watch you go through that again."

"Thank you for having so much faith in me," she said with an edge to her voice. Jude wondered how long it would take for the rest of the world to realize she was done with Tommy - no Tom. Tommy didn't exist. He was Tom Quincy, and he was some other woman's problem. "He was here for the wedding, remember? Did I go all wonky? No, I didn't. Was I jealous of his wife? No, I wasn't. I liked Karen. I thought the two of them were good together. How come everyone else is allowed to move on from bad relationships, but you, Sadie and Kwest don't think I can?"

Jamie studied her. She was serious; he knew that. She thought she was over Quincy, and god knew, he hoped she was right. It had been three years since she'd had any contact with the guy, accept for the week he was in town for Sadie's wedding. Of course, Jude hadn't spent a lot of time with him then, and when she did, his wife was around too. Plus, she'd been busy with her maid-of-honor duties, aka, keeping Sadie from driving everyone else nuts. Talk about bridezilla! But working with the guy every day? He wasn't sure she was up for that. He knew he wasn't. "What if I make finding a new producer my top priority? I'll push everything else aside. I'll call all our contacts. I'll even hire a recruiting firm. I knew you and Kwest were working hard, but I didn't realize it was getting to be a serious issue. Give me some time to fix it."

Jude shook her head. "When dad left, I promised him I'd take care of Sadie. She wants a baby, and I'm going to do everything I can to help her." She hated, absolutely hated what she was about to do. "I'm pulling rank."

"Jude, no!" Jamie pleaded with her.

"As co-owner of Eastern Philosophy Records, I'm telling you to hire Tom Quincy." She saw him wince at the 'executive order'. She wasn't happy about it herself. "I'm sorry, Jamie, but I have to put my family first. This is what Sadie wants. If it all goes to hell, I'll have no one to blame but myself."

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When Jude got home, it was close to midnight. Another late night in the studio. She had to admit, she'd be thrilled when Quincy started so she could make it home before dark at least once or twice a week. She opened the suicide door to her FJ Crusier. Sixty-five pounds of hair and fur came jumping out of the back seat. "Rocky, stay," she said as she pulled back on his leash. The brown eyed, black and white Siberian Husky dutifully sat, his tail wildly swishing back and forth on the bricks of the driveway. Jude absently rubbed his ears with one hand as she grabbed her purse and messenger bag of the floorboards with the other. "Good boy."

He was a housewarming present from her dad. No more than ten pounds when she got him, her father assured her he'd grow-up to be a big, intimidating dog. Protection against burglars and rapists and all the other horrible people Stuart was convinced were going to attack her when she'd moved out. Obviously, her dad hadn't done enough research. Huskies weren't aggressive dogs, not by nature. Rocky was protective, though. He was wary of new people, and he always managed to put himself between Jude and anyone he was unsure of. His silent stance and unwavering eyes giving off an 'I'm watching you' vibe. Walking him was a treat too. Kids constantly asked if he was a wolf, and adults were intrigued. More than once she'd heard, 'that's the most beautiful dog I've ever seen.' And he'd been the cutest pup; the black mask around his eyes reminding her of a raccoon. That's why she'd named him Rocky. Rocky Racoon, from The Beatles White Album. Who was she to interfere with a Harrison tradition? She gave the leash a quick jerk. "Come on, Rock." He immediately followed her.

She unlocked the back door and entered the passcode for her security system. Rocky barked once and Jude released him into the yard so he could do his thing before bed. He'd been with her at EastPhy all day, and she knew he wouldn't be happy until he'd inspected every inch of his outside domain. That, and he probably had to pee. She threw her keys and bags on the kitchen counter, picked up the phone to check for messages, then grabbed a bottle of water from the frig. She made a mental to-do list for the next day as she watched Rocky through the kitchen window.

Once he was done, she re-set the security system and locked up the house for the night. She climbed the two flights of stairs to the master bedroom, yawning as she went. Rocky proceeded her into the room, hopping up on the bed and making himself comfortable. Jude brushed her hand down his back as she passed by on the way to the walk-in closest. She smiled as she undressed.

She really did love her house. It was a three-story Victorian brown stone in The Annex of downtown Toronto. The neighborhood was quiet and beautiful. She was within walking distance to just about anything she could ever want, and she was close to work. Along with the kitchen, dining room and living room on the first floor, the house also had a parlor, which she'd converted into a media room. Originally, the second floor had three bedrooms and one bath, but she'd taken the smallest bedroom and split the space, making another bathroom and closets for the remaining two bedrooms. If she ever had guests, it would be perfect.

But it was her bedroom on the third floor that was her favorite part of the house. She'd opened the entire attic, making it into a suite. Bedroom, bath, closet, dressing area. It was her private retreat, and behind the hidden door at the back of her closet was her most private space. A recording studio a little smaller than the booths at work. She eyed the door, toying with the idea of working on the arrangement she hadn't quite finished the night before. Then she yawned again and realized she was too tired.

She shrugged into a old t-shirt and slipped into bed. No one knew about the studio. She hadn't told anyone, not even Sadie. It was Jude's secret. A difficult one to keep with all the renovations that had been done. She'd given multiple tours to friends and family over the five months it took to complete the house, but she'd managed to keep the room secret. It was her place away from all her problems.

Although Kwest thought she hadn't started her next album, she had. She'd began it in her private studio. At first, it was a necessity to hide. She couldn't perform or record until her contract with G-Major was up. Legally, she was still their artist. But the piece of paper Tom had given her with the rights to her catalog also made it possible for her to write new material and sell it to others to perform without G-Major consent. It was because of those publishing rights she was able to become a partner in EastPhy. But there were some songs she couldn't sell. Songs that were too personal to have others record. Songs she wasn't ready to share with the world. Songs that would raise too many questions she wasn't prepared to answer. When Jude moved into her house, she started recording those songs in secret.

She worked on them when she had time, not rushing any part of the creative process. She took things slow, perfecting every lyric, every line of music. It was the one place she was completely free to make mistakes and to delve into the past. She hadn't lied to Sadie. She loved her life, but that didn't mean she didn't sometimes regret the opportunities she missed. She was over Tom, but every once in a while, the old feelings would resurface. When she was younger, she wallowed in her regrets. But now, older and, she hoped wiser, she learned to channel those regrets into her music and then let them go. Her studio gave her the privacy she needed to explore those feelings without her friends and family judging her. It was her release.

Yes, she had loved Tom Quincy, but losing him wasn't the end of the world. It was really such a small thing compared to what happened a year later. She rolled over, fisting her hand under the pillow. She closed her eyes and remembered.

---TBC

Here We Go Again - Paramore