Fool on The Hill

Remus Lupin was alone. Every day he stayed alone in his house, situated high on a lonely hill in the middle of the countryside.

He has no friends anymore, all his friends are either dead, mad, in jail, or have no reason to speak to him. He cannot make new friends; no one would want to make friends with a werewolf.

He has nothing to do but sit in the house, staring out the window. Waiting for sunset, so he can sleep, and he hopes that that night, he will not have the dreams of his friends blaming him for their deaths. He was supposed to keep Sirius under control after all.

He was going mad. He tried to keep his head, but he just couldn't do it. He heard everyone blaming him for everything. James, Lily, and Peter, all yelling at him for not protecting him; they yelled at him for trusting that murderer Sirius.

Every full moon, Remus goes through the transformation into werewolf. Oh, how he missed the company of James and Peter during these times. He never saw anybody anymore, except when he went to London; the only people lived miles and miles away. Remus doesn't care anymore, he'd much rather be alone in his misery.

He has nothing to look forward to anymore. The only people who could ever comfort before, during, or after his transformation are dead. The only thing he has to do now is count the days until the full moon.

Nobody wanted to be around him. To them, he was just a werewolf, a cursed, mad, bloodthirsty werewolf. But, he was always a somewhat stoic man; he held his head up high when he had to face them, and when he didn't have to face them, he didn't.

He knew he had to live. But how could he now? He could just watch the days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, and months turn to years. He watches the seasons change. He contemplates on life and friendship. He wonders how the surviving Order is, wonders about Harry, he wonders if Sirius has any regret for his crimes.

They call him a freak, a monster, a filthy half-breed. To them, he is unworthy of anything, warmth, compassion, friendship, any humanity at all. But he knows the truth, they are simply inhumane bigots.

Remus secretly hopes tomorrow will be better than the last. But he knows in his heart it won't be; it'll be just as horrible. James, Lily, and Peter will still be dead; Sirius will still be the one who killed them, Harry will still be gone. People will still hate him. He will still blame himself for everything that has happened. He will still wonder how he could have let it all happened.