Is this how it's supposed to be: the guilt, without really feeling it? Why should I feel guilt, I was doing nothing wrong. It was the sneaking that made this feeling. The other day, he had been sweeping me off my feet… Now, I want to be with him this instant. We had been partners for a while now but only just recently had it changed to something more. Who had started it, I couldn't tell you. I had no clue to who had brought our feelings to light but it didn't matter now. It was out in the open and it was beautiful.
More people go by. I don't see their faces. They are blank to me. The more I walk the farther the end seems. I hadn't brought anything with me. Maybe a nameless face would be a friend, so I don't have to walk in the shadows of the evil looks which rained over me, the ghosts only judged. No, no one was supposed to know. If any of our friends knew than all hell would brake lose.
Even through all the shadows, I see his light. It streams through the sky coming from his direction. I can see him in my head. The picture of him brightens my face filling me with warmth. Soul, this had to be right; if it isn't I want to be wrong just this once. The streets appeared brighter, and the noise faded into the nothingness. Had I not taken a step into the light, I would have been engulfed by the mundane, everyday nothing of being here, trapped in a place where everyone was just a nameless face and every day was just another fight.
Now I was a few steps closer to the place I had once feared. Small houses were everywhere popping into sight. There was no time to waste, I'd been here before, but only with him. He made me feel safe. Being in Soul's arms was the only safe place I knew. It felt right, as if I had been missing something my whole life. Now I knew and wasn't going to let it throw me off. The light was dimming; I had to go around to the back. It wasn't my choice to come here. If it had been up to me, we would be in a place where no one knew us.
Closer than ever. Now I was shaking; what was I worried about? If I wanted, I could turn back now. He would understand; he wouldn't pressure me. He knew I wasn't a loose girl. He had even told me the day before that, if I didn't want to, I could turn back at anytime. Why had we moved away? We had lived together at one point but during the battle to fight against this feeling we fell apart. It was different now. No one knows anything about this.
I climbed the steps warily, still debating whether to knock or turn and run. However, I found myself making the decision subconsciously as I raised my hand to knock on the simple door before me. Pausing, I dropped my hand to the doorknob, and let myself in.
The light was off, but, regardless, I recognized the room before me. I'd seen it so many times, in both dark and light, that concern was unnecessary; it was clear that nothing had changed... Well, physically, that is. Emotionally, I didn't know what to make of the situation, where, before, I'd known exactly what was going on. Previous times I had been here in more innocent circumstances. I shut the back door behind me and began to maneuver my way through. I felt so dirty, but I didn't care. A dim light reached out to me, calling my name, illuminating my path. I glanced at it momentarily before continuing on.
This was the point of no return, as if. I wasn't planning to leave now. I had been waiting for this moment for a long time now, well in my mind it had felt long. There had never been time. Neither of us had had any time for ourselves between classes, training, jobs, and "extracurricular activities" things had always been in our way. This time everyone was gone and we had time to waste. Waste it we will. Navigating though the house I smirked. Only I would laugh with my inner thoughts…
There, the door was in my grasp. I paused once more. It was shut, as usual. Did I dare enter? Sure I did! Slowly my hand went for the knob. For a few seconds my mind became hyper observant. I saw everything and I seemed to take a mental picture of the door. It blended in with the wall. On the bottom were scuffs and cracks, seems like someone is bad at opening doors before walking through. The rest looked naturally plain. Wait, why was I standing here when I could be inside? Outside his bedroom door, I pushing all uncertainty from my mind, I opened it, gasping at the sight before me.
