Buffy slept, she didn't think she would, but she felt so safe in Spiked arms, like she would never feel safe anywhere else. He was the only one she could trust. Spike's arm lay heavy around her waist and buffy's hand was clasped in his. Her back against his chest she wondered what it was like, not having to breathe. The stillness wasn't creepy though just… peaceful. She woke suddenly as she heard the front door open, "Spike" she whispered quietly.
"Hmmm" he spoke back still only half asleep. Buffy decided to ignore it, she had a house full of potential slayers… in fact it was probably just Giles coming back from wherever. With that she turned over and buried her face into Spikes chest and let herself fall to sleep.
Spike smiled watching her, she was perfect. He adjusted his arms around her again and allowed himself to drift of to sleep.
"Buffy, love?" The annoying voice entered her thoughts waking her from the best sleep she had had since the First had shown itself. She shook her head slightly and buried herself into spike further. She heard a cough in the background and suddenly realized that she wasn't the only person in the room. Buffy paused and sat up slowly her cheeks bright red. Standing in front of the cot was Willow looking shocked.
"We umm… couldn't find you" Willow stammered. I need to talk to you Buffy. The shock was leaving her face now and it looked as if she was about to burst into tears. "Sure Will, I'll just.." She looked at Spike who nodded. She followed Willow up the stairs watching how she shook slightly.
Willow sat down on the couch and motioned for her friend to do the same. "Buffy there is something I need to tell you and its not going to be easy.. so could I just say it.. maybe yeah…" Willow spoke not quickly but almost hesitantly. Buffy simply nodded thinking that maybe she was apologizing for the other day… but why would she be so upset?
"Buffy I've done something terrible and even after what you told me… I'm still only now just realizing what a big mistake… I've made…"
Buffy stated to say something but Willow cut her of. "Please just let me say it" Buffy nodded and she took a big shaky breathe. "W..what me, Tara, Xander and Anya did.. on Th..that day was wrong. Bringing you back."
"Will no I…."
Willow cut her off again "Buffy you don't understand…. All of this" She waved her hands around tiredly "Is because of us… because of what we did." Willow looked away and tried to gather herself.
"Buffy, what Willow is trying to say is that bringing you back caused an imbalance which allowed the First to make its move… and…" Buffy turned towards Giles who had appeared in the doorway.
"I…I don't understand" Buffy stammered confused "I thought… that.. all of that was over with… you mean its my fault?"
"No… its myn" Willow stated looking at the floor.
"I don't understand, how can me being alive allow the First to do this?" Buffy looked towards Giles feeling little sympathy for Willow.
"You.. Well.. You being alive has altered many things. You aren't meant to be here Buffy. And because you aren't it places more balance on the side of good which isn't meant to be there. Thus creating the unbalance and the opportunity for the First to strike. As the unbalance has weakened the whole structure of good and evil." Giles voice sounded croaky and uncertain.
Buffy saw the stricken faces of her friends and guessed "Are… are you saying we can stop this?"
"Yes" replied Giles pulling all his watcher training into use to stay calm, he needed to be strong for Buffy.
"Are you saying I have to… have to die?" Buffy frowned tears were coming down her face, she didn't care about being strong anymore.
"In a way yes.." when she didn't reply Giles continued "Because you have been here for quite some time the balance has been irreversibly damaged if you were to… to die now it would only stop it from getting worse not repair it. Buffy… Buffy you" Giles voice cracked and he paused trying to gather himself.
"You have to be turned… into a Vampire" Willow spoke quietly
"You wouldn't lose your soul, slayers don't… it… not that that makes it any better…" Giles spoke again watching as Buffy started to shake. Willow went to embrace her but she stood up abruptly stopping her. "There is no other way… I've been checking everywhere to every available source. I swear I know this to be the only way." Giles spoke, he couldn't believe he was asking Buffy to do this.
Buffy nodded shakily surprising herself at how calm she was. "When?"
"A week from now, on the Dark moon" Giles said noting that Willow had left. "I thought maybe..Spike…"
Buffy nodded again understanding than put her hands to her face as she emitted a silent sob. She fell to her knees quietly. Giles knelt in front of her and hugged her tears in his eyes as well. "Is..is this really.. hap..ening? Buffy managed to get out before composing herself slightly. Giles just nodded and stared at the ground. "I have to go and talk to Spike" Buffy said as she walked of her voice coming in ragged breathes.
As Buffy descended the stairs into the basement she calmed herself. She felt oddly calm. She knew it was right. Like on top of the tower, and before she killed Angel… this was what had to happen, now all she had to do was talk to spike.
