A/N: This story begins at the beginning of the fourth season, but doesn't follow the story line of it.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Kurt Sutter does.
I've removed all the song-lyrics that I had in the beginning of each chapters, seemed safest considering. PM me if you have any questions.
Chapter 1: Who Was In My Room Last Night
Alice did her very best to open her eyes but her head was already pounding and she knew it would get even worse once they were actually open.
Then she realized why she was trying to open her eyes. Someone was continuously ringing her doorbell. When she finally got them open them, she saw a man lying next to her. Shit, she had been too drunk to get him out before she fell asleep.
Eventually she managed to get out of bed, pulled on a pair of panties and a white tank top and walked towards the door. She picked up the gun that she kept in a drawer close to the door. This wasn't the safest neighborhood but she loved it and with a gun in the hand when you opened the door you were ready for most guests. It might not be that useful when you could hardly open your eyes, but even so.
She leaned her right shoulder to the doorframe, with her arm up along the wall, to hide the gun in her hand and then opened the door.
"What?" She blinked her eyes against the light and finally managed to see Chibs.
"Seriously lass, that's what you wear when you open the door?" he said with a smile.
"You said I had the day off, so yes, this is what I wear when I open the door."
"Jesus fucking Christ, Al!" Opie said, "You can't open the door dressed like that and in this shitty neighborhood."
She bent her arm so her gun was just above her head. "I'm sure I'll be fine."
"Ok, am I the only one who just came in my pants?" She heard a voice - she didn't recognized - saying. She tried to focus her eyes in the direction of the voice. It was a man with curly dark hair and piercing blue eyes.
"I know we gave you the day off but the others wanted to meet you, you've got quite the reputation." Opie said. "This will probably add to it."
A man she recognized as Clay from the pictures in the clubhouse, walked up to her. "We needed to take a look at Happy's aunt's house and since you live next door we thought it was a good time to meet you as well."
Alice then remembered the man who was currently sleeping in her bed. She opened the door and said. "Come in, I need to..." she waved vaguely towards the bedroom.
"Clothes would be good; we have just been released from prison." Clay smiled.
"Ah, yes, that too."
She walked into the bedroom, picking up the man's clothes that was scattered around the floor.
She threw them at him and said, "Hey! You! You need to get out."
He turned around and looked at her, seemingly having the same problems with opening his eyes as she had earlier. "What?"
"You need to get out." She thought the message was pretty clear.
"But I thought..."
"You thought wrong." She said and walked into the bathroom.
She looked into the mirror, her red hair looked like a birds nest, it usually fell all the way down to her waist but it was quite a lot shorter right now. There was no time to try to untangle it at the moment so she just pulled it back and turned into a knot on the back of her head. The green eyes were red and they had bags and yesterday's make-up underneath them. She washed of her face, pulled on a pair of jeans she found in on the floor in the bathroom and picked up a hoodie on her way out.
The guy had just finished getting dress and looked at her when she came out of the bathroom. He didn't look too please but she really didn't care, they never did.
"Can I at least get a coffee before I go?"
"In the kitchen." She was willing to offer since she doubted that he would want any coffee by the time he got there.
When they came out to the kitchen he just looked at the nine men with patches who were sitting or standing all over her kitchen. And as she suspected, he changed his mind.
"It's probably best that I skip the coffee." He said and started walking towards the door.
"Probably."
Alice had no patience with these guys, she had no idea why she had thought it was a good idea to bring him home, probably due to the fact that she was arrested the last time she had sex with one, in the bathroom of a bar.
Since she left her husband this was the only type of sex she had, short meetings, and preferably the guy was out of her bedroom before she fell asleep. The rottweiler she had staying with her temporarily had been very helpful with getting them out the few times she brought them home. He was now standing next to her, he knew the drill, some men didn't take her rejection that good.
"So, can I call you?" 'Idiot', she thought to herself
"You don't even have my number."
"Can I have your number?"
"No."
He was really pissed by now, but it would take a real idiot to start something with those guys in cuts who were all following the conversation with amused eyes.
The guy, who's name she for the life of her couldn't remember, just looked at her and then down at the huge dog sitting next to her and the walked out. She turned to the kitchen.
"Sorry about that."
"Really Al, you are such a slut." Opie laughed.
"I know."
"I made you some coffee." Kozik walked over to her with a cup in his hand. Just what she needed.
"Thank you."
"Like I said, we were just in the neighborhood and wanted to say hello. Chibs, Opie and Kozik told me you've been very good around the garage, apparently you tuned my bike as well." Clay smiled at her.
"Yes, I did. I'm assuming that it was working ok?"
"Better than ok. I'm not sure if they've said anything about your employment after we were released?"
"They pretty much said it was up to you." She sipped on the coffee and noticed that the dog, Buster, walked up to one of the men, a big, shaved guy with black eyes and started to push the guys legs with his body. She looked up at the man with wrinkled eyebrows. Buster never bothered with anyone while he was at her house and would usually stay right by her side to make sure she was safe when she had visitors he didn't recognize.
When he kneeled down and started to pet Buster it dawned on her.
"You must be Happy."
"Yes." He had a very low, raspy voice, that wasn't good. Alice had a thing for voices and this was right up her alley. "Why is he here?"
"Your mum and aunt asked me to help out with him."
"Wait, is that Buster?" The man who came in his pants earlier asked.
"Yes." She said.
"Well, you know Happy's name, that's Tig," Clay was pointing at the man who just spoke to her, "Juice," A younger, hispanic, guy, "Bobby", big guy with braids in his beard and big curly hair, "and this is Jax, I believe you know his Old Lady pretty well?"
She looked at Jax, she had heard Tara talk about him for hours and hours, they had spent many nights bench-drinking, talking about this guy and she couldn't help but to smile. "Yes, we lived together for a while, it's nice to actually meet you."
"It's nice to meet you too, she has talked about you quite a lot." Jax said with a smile in return. It wasn't hard for Alice to see why Tara had been so obsessed, he was a good looking guy.
"Oh, not sure that's a good thing."
"Nothing bad, just good things." She highly doubted that.
"Aren't you supposed to be with Lyla?" Opie looked at his watch.
"At three o' clock."
"She's not going to be happy about those bruises." Opie said with a concerned look.
"Bruises?"
Chibs gave her a huge smile "You have big-ass bruises on the back of your thighs, lass, I hope your dress isn't short."
"Shit, I don't know, she wouldn't let me see it, but she said it would be long enough to cover the ink, was the bruises below that?"
There was a unison "Yes!" from most of them.
"Arrrggghhh, she's going to kill me."
"She'll probably kill you for being extremely hungover as well." Opie added.
"I'll be fine by then." She would, she's had her fair share of hangovers and was pretty good at getting rid of them.
They stayed for a while longer, mostly talking about bikes, she got the impression that they were testing her knowledge. It didn't bother her, she knew that she had more knowledge about engines, cars and bikes than most people, bikers included. She grew up among them and had loved everything with an engine since she was five years old.
She took some painkillers and swallowed them down with coffee, the caffein would help them to kick in faster and then she walked into the shower. When the conditioner was in her hair she took one of the brushes and started to untangle her hair. She needed to be at Opies house at three and she really wasn't looking forward to the reaction to her bruises. She had tried to explain that she would be a lousy bridesmaid but Lyla just thought it would be so beautiful with a blond, brunette and a redhead in the front.
She wasn't too happy about Alice tattoo, a huge Celtic dog that was clinging to her back, the head came over her left shoulder down to her breast. On the other shoulder was the right forward claw, on the hip the other one, on her left side on the waist and under the breast the other two, the tail was wrapped around the left thigh.
Alice dad was a tattoo artist and both she and her twin brother had the same tattoo, his was just a mirror image of hers and slightly bigger due to him being a bigger person than her. Her mother, who was a fashion photographer, had taken numerous pictures of her and her brother, quite a few of them in almost no clothes to show off the tattoos. It was the only one she had and the only one she ever planned to get. Her dad would kill her if she let anyone else put ink on her.
She got out of the shower and noticed the time, she needed to be on her way and decided that driving probably wasn't a good idea today, so she called a cab.
Happy had gone back to the club house to pick up one of the sweetbutts, he waved at a blond with big tits that he had used quite a few times before. Fourteen months in prison meant it didn't take him long and he sent her out within a minute after he finished.
He couldn't get that redhead out of his mind. He was sure that the fact that he had been without pussy for fourteen months meant that pretty much anyone looked hot. She hadn't had much going for her though, she looked about as hungover as she probably felt when she opened the door. The red hair all over the place, a white tank top and white, plain, boyshorts. Her tits were small, not much curves, a bit too skinny, but she was still hot as hell. The guns was just icing on the cake.
When she came back out of the bedroom he had noticed that she was not only hot, she was fucking beautiful, a handful of freckles sprinkled over her nose, green eyes, a slight overbite and a mouth that was made for sucking cock. Obviously a smart bitch, the eyes were a dead giveaway for that.
He could hardly believe his eyes when Buster came down the stairs and completely ignored him, just walked up to the bitch's side and sat next to her as the dickhead was pushed out of the house. When the asshole had looked at Alice with glaring eyes, Buster just showed him his teeth at the fucker, who almost ran out. It wasn't until after that he came over to him. Buster obviously liked her, which meant that she was treating him good.
The bruises on her thighs was what really turned him on. She didn't even know she had them, which meant she hadn't really noticed when she got them. Considering that they were shaped as two big fucking hands it meant that she liked rough sex, and Happy liked that as well. Too bad she was fucking jailbait. Some idea about not fucking where she earned. It was probably a smart thing, but he would really have liked to fuck her silly. He suspected he wasn't the only of his brothers who wanted it. Tig had talked about her ass for thirty minutes and Juice had asked Opie, Chibs and Kozik a million fucking questions about her. It pissed him off but it meant he found out shit as well.
He snapped out of his trail of thought. It was better to stay away from her. He had easy access to pussy anyway, no point in going through trouble to get it. This bitch meant trouble, he could smell it a mile away.
He didn't look forward to the wedding, weddings was chick shit. But, Opie was a brother, and you showed your brothers respect, that included going to their wedding. He got out of the bed and into the shower, jeans and cuts was probably what everyone was going to wear so he didn't bother with anything else.
He walked out to the bar and found Bobby, Juice, Kozik and Chibs standing there.
"How the fuck did you manage to pull that off?" Kozik was looking at Chibs with big eyes and a smile on his lips.
"Lass owe me a favor."
"I am so fucking envious of you right now." Juice said and emptied his drink.
"It's not like that, were just going there together." Happy was wondering what the fuck they were talking about.
"She really hasn't fucked with anyone around here, not one of you has had a taste?" Bobby seemed amazed.
Happy realized that they were talking about Alice, what the fuck! Was Chibs going with Alice to the wedding?
"What favor?" He asked.
"I bailed her out a couple of weeks ago. I agreed to not tell anyone what happened and if I didn't she'd go with me to the wedding."
"Bailed her out?" Kozik looked amused. "This being Al we're talking about, it is probably something really juicy."
"Aye, you have no idea!"
"So what, you're never going to tell us?" Juice tried.
"I'm sure she'll tell you if you get her drunk enough."
"We should probably get both her and Tara drunk together, I bet they have some really nice stories about each other." Kozik said.
"So they used to live together?" Juice was on the questions again so Happy decided to sit down.
"Yeah, when Tara was studying, they lived together for a couple of years." Kozik said.
"How the fuck do you even manage to concentrate with that fine looking ass in the garage." Bobby was wondering.
"Took a couple of weeks to get used to it, but she's a brilliant fucking mechanic and once you get over what she looks like she's a lot like any other guy."
"How the fuck do you get over that?" Just what Happy wanted to know as well.
"Probably a bit harder when you're just out of jail totally fucking focused on pussy." Kozik said. "I remember seeing nothing but pussy for weeks when I got out."
Tig came over, "What about pussy?"
"Like I said..."
"What about it?"
"Talking about the redhead." Bobby explained.
"Ah, some pice of ass."
Lyla was not happy, but not too mad either. The emerald green dress that her mom had done for Alice did cover the bruises and after a twenty minute fight she agreed to let her do the make-up herself.
"Lyla, I might not be using it very often, but my mom is a fashion photographer, I know how to do make-up and what suits me. I promise, I'll look fine!"
"It's true Lyla, she looked stunning when she does her own hair and make-up." Tara stepped in and helped her.
"Ok, but you need to do it now, if I'm not happy with it, I'll do it for you."
"Fine."
She did her own make up, mostly black, dark red lips and just some almost invisible blue in the eye shadow to bring out the green in the eyes. The green dress did the trick.
"Lyla, I admit, you were right, this color is very good on me."
"I know, I thought it would bring out your colors in a beautiful way. The dark blue will do the same for Tara. Let me look at you." She took a close look at Alice, then stepped back and whistled. "You were right Tara, absolutely stunning."
They all stood next to each other and looked in the big mirror.
"You were right too, the three of us together looks awesome, one of each." Tara said with a smile.
"By the way, I met your two boyfriends today." Alice had forgotten to mention it.
"Oh, we know," Tara said with a smile. "They have discussed it at length earlier today."
"Ehrm, well, I did have the day off."
"Panties and tank top with a gun in the hand. And seconds later throwing out some huge guy with Happy's dog next to you. Believe me, they have talked about it." Lyla laughed.
Alice had avoided thinking about the owner of Buster. But at the mentioning of his name she remembered that voice. It was something.
"Well, at least they won't have any expectations on me. Besides, the others know I'm a slut."
"You're not a slut," Lyla protested, "You just have a very active sexlife."
Alice and Tara looked at her, as touch as Alice was by her defense she knew it wasn't really true.
"It's ok Lyla, this is how I deal with this stuff."
"Always has been." Tara filled in. "According to Al there is nothing like heavy drinking and casual sex to get over a cheating man, or any man."
Ten months earlier Alice walked in on her husband in bed with another woman. She didn't even bother to hear what excuses he was offering. The marriage hadn't been that good even before and she couldn't see what could possible save it after that. She might be a slut, but if she was in a relationship she was faithful and demanded the same thing of the other part. Sleeping with someone else was a deal breaker. She packed the most important things and was in her car 45 minutes later. In the car she called Tara. She had only planned to stay with her for a couple of weeks, but Tara got her a job and when Mark – her soon to be ex-husband – gave her the money for her part of their apartment and business, she bought a house. She wasn't sure how long she would stick around in the area, but she figured it might be a while.
"Ok, we need to be on our way really soon, could you please not have sex with anyone at my wedding."
"Don't worry, I don't fuck where I earn." This was one rule that Alice took very seriously, it was only messy and tended to lead to all kinds of trouble. She didn't sleep with people she worked with. In this case she had extended the rule to everyone, in anyway, associated with The Sons of Anarchy. Something she always did when working for them.
She had actually made that very clear from the beginning. Kozik had made some serious attempts early on, but soon understood that it wasn't going to happened. If she had been any other women it could probably have become ugly, she was familiar enough with the MC world to know that. But she was an employee and a great mechanic, so he let it slide. Being a close friend to the VP's old lady probably helped as well.
"Al, do you have a date for the wedding?" Layla asked, "I just wanted to know if we are waiting for someone, Jax is coming by in a cab in a while.
"Well, actually, I'm going with Chibs, I kind of owe him a favor. But I'm meeting him there" She was hoping that Tara would leave it at that. But she knew she wasn't known for letting things go.
"You do? What favor?" Tara looked at her curiously.
"I kind of got in to trouble and he helped me out."
"What kind of trouble?"
"Maybe we could take this some other time?"
"I'll just ask Chibs."
Alice was literary saved by the bell when they cabs came to pick them up.
Clay looked at Gemma as she was getting ready for the wedding.
"So, whats your judgment of Tara's friend?" Gemma knew people, and he trusted her judgment more than he would ever admit to anyone.
"Al?"
"Yeah."
"You've met her?"
"We needed to take a look at Hap's aunt's house, so we stopped by."
"She had the day off today."
"We noticed, opened the door hungover, bruises on the back of her thigh and a guy in the bedroom." he chuckled when he thought about it. She had looked like a whole new league of mess.
"She had a guy in the bedroom? Guess she's getting over it then."
"What?" She knew people, but she didn't always explain things properly according to Clay. Her mind tended to be two steps ahead of the conversation at hand.
"According to Tara this is how she deals with break ups, she fucks around for months, gets arrested or slips and accidentally lets some guy spend the night. Then she's over it."
"So, you like her?" He could always tell when Gemma liked someone. Hell, everybody probably could. She wasn't the kind of person who used to beat around the bush.
"I do actually, I was pretty fucking skeptical to begin with, but she is handling herself well. The guys got over her looks in a couple of months. She's a really smart bitch."
"So she gets the club?"
"Her dad is some famous tattoo artist in the MC world, she pretty much grew up in it. But she has stayed away for the most part. She only works there."
"No Friday nights?"
"No. Like I said, stays away from that part."
"And the rest of the guys, they like her?"
"Yeah, she's really close with Chibs."
"Close?"
"Not like that, more brother – sister thing."
"Chibs ok with that?" He didn't want his men around some cock teaser, that was bad for business and for the group.
"Yes, don't worry. I'd be on to them in a second if it was something else." He had no doubt about that.
"So you're ok with her staying?"
"Yes. I like her." If his Old Lady said it, she meant it. Clay knew that.
"Good, I offered her to keep the job."
"Good, she's been a great help to Tara as well and Abel loves her."
"Really?" She didn't strike him as a person who liked kids.
"I think she's helping Hap's mom a lot as well."
"She had Buster at her house." The look on Happy's face when Buster came walking had been priceless.
"Yeah, but when the aunt, Mona I think her name is, works, she often stays with Hap's mom."
"Seems like a nice girl."
"Oh, she's nice, but butt fucking crazy too."
Happy couldn't take his eyes of her. She was standing up front behind Tara. A blond, brunette and a redhead, they all looked great but she was fucking outstanding. She was hot earlier that day but now! He was trying to figure out her tattoo, there was a claw on one shoulder, the one he couldn't see right now. Over the other shoulder was something that disappeared down into her dress. He would fucking love to see the end of that tattoo, he could bet anything that it ended up on a perfect fucking tit.
Juice seemed to be thinking the same thing and leaned over to Chibs.
"What's that tattoo?"
"It's a Celtic dog."
"What?"
Bobby leaned over to them.
"Shut the fuck up!"
The ceremony was over and Tara was trying to find Alice. She found her at a table with Chibs, Piney, Juice, Tig and Happy.
Tara remembered the call she got ten months earlier.
"Hey babe, I'm sort of in trouble."
"You're always 'sort of in trouble'."
"Yeah, I know. I found Mark in bed, fucking some chick, I left and I don't want to go to my parents, my brother is - as we know - the ultimate man-whore. You wouldn't have any room for me in Charming?"
"You kidding? I would love to have you here! I'm a single, pregnant mom."
Next day she came crashing in, she loved having her. Alice was complicated and completely crazy in a lot of ways, but the most loyal friend she had ever had. It was nice to have someone who was outside. Someone who knew her in Chicago, who she shared a different kind of history with.
She walked up behind Alice and put her arms around her.
"Hey, babe." Alice said and squeezed her arm. Tara noticed the drink in her hand.
"Are you seriously drinking again?"
"Yup."
"You were so hungover you could hardly speak earlier, how do you do that?"
"Years of practice. You should know, you were with me through quite a few of them. Are you drinking?"
"Yup, going to have to pump for the drain tomorrow." Tara had been looking forward to this wedding for months. She was planning on getting drunk.
"Awesome! You need to stay close to me, I've been in need to drink with you since I came here."
"That's why I was looking for you."
"Grab a chair."
Tara was just about to sit down when Lyla walked up on stage and grabbed a microphone.
"I just want to thank everyone who came here. I know you're not much for speeches, but I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank my two, dead sexy, bridesmaids, Tara and Alice. Despite one of them showing up hungover with huge bruises on her thighs today..."
This cause a laughter among the ones who knew what she was talking about, the rest mostly looked confused.
"...they have both been great. As some of you know they've been friends for a long time and I would urge you to try to spend time with the two of them together. The stories they have! I thought the porn business was crazy!"
More laughter.
"My gift to you, besides those awesome dresses that you two should wear as often as possible! Here's your old warm up song."
Happy looked at Alice just as the song started to play and saw a huge smile and suddenly she and Tara got up and ran up to the dance floor singing along loudly. Happy had never heard the fucking song before. What the hell were they singing?
When I'm walkin' I strut my stuff, man I'm so strung out. I'm high as a kite I just might stop to check you out.
Strangest fucking song he had ever heard but Alice and Tara were dancing around like crazies, singing to each other. There wasn't a guy among the guests who weren't looking at them. They looked fucking amazing!
When the song was over they came back to the table and Lyla came over as well. Opie and Jax came walking just behind her.
"I thought you'd like it." Lyla smiled and gave them both a hug.
"Geez, I haven't danced to that song since Tara moved from Chicago."
"Thank you Lyla."
"You said you used to dance to it before you went out sometimes, every time you did, crazy shit happened."
"Are you trying to make us do crazy things?" Tara asked.
"It would be nice to see you two at your peak."
"I was always a good girl, everything was always Alice fault." Tara said, pointing at Alice
"Hey, that's not true!"
"I would like to remind you that I was never arrested, and you were, three times just while I've known you."
"You've been arrested before?" Chibs laughed.
"Wait, you've been arrested here too?" Tara exclaimed. "Alice, what did you do?"
"Nothing, it was a complete misunderstanding."
"You ALWAYS say that. And so far it never has been."
Happy noticed that Chibs couldn't stop laughing and Alice was glaring at him. "Don't you dare!"
"Wait, Chibs know?" Tara looked at Chibs.
"I didn't want to call you. So I called Chibs, he bailed me out."
"So that was the favor! Chibs, tell me, what did she do?" Tara was pleading, grabbing Chibs arm and Happy hoped that he would give in. He wanted to know as well.
"Shut up, Chibs." Alice was pointing at him.
Chibs was laughing so hard, tears was streaming down his face and Alice kept pointing at him, urging him to shut the fuck up with her eyes. The entire table was following the conversation with great interest.
The elevated discussion made Clay and Gemma came over and they sat down.
"What's so funny?" Gemma asked.
"Apparently, Alice has been arrested, Chibs bailed her out but promised her to not say for what and she won't tell me." Tara quickly filled them in.
Happy had the feeling that both Tara and Alice was getting slightly drunk, which might be due to the fact that the other guys kept handing them drinks, just as they had planned to do.
"You were arrested, in Charming?" Gemma said. "How can I not have heard about this?"
"It wasn't in Charming, it was in Bakersfield." Alice said. Chibs were still laughing. Tara looked at him and then turned to Alice.
"Oh come on! Can you at least tell me if it was assault or indecent exposure."
The last comment made Happy raise his eyebrows and quite a few of them coughed from choking on their beers. Chibs on the other hand, lost it, he tried to dry his eyes and catch his breath.
"You're telling me that's happened before?" He finally managed to say.
"Shut up Tara!" Alice said, now pointing at Tara instead, but Tara turned to Chibs, miming while holding up four fingers; four times.
"You've been arrested four times?"
"TARA!"
"For Indecent exposure, once for assault." Assault, Happy was getting seriously interested in this bitch. She was something else.
"TARA!"
"Chibs, as our president I am ordering you to tell me what happened." Clay said with a smile on his lips.
"I'm sorry lass, he is my president." Chibs said with a – fake - excusing smile. Happy could tell that he was dying to tell the story. Hell, he had probably been dying to tell everyone since it happened.
"No no no, I'll tell you, he doesn't know the full story."
"Course I do, I paid an officer 200 bucks for it."
"Still, I'll tell you." That gave Happy the perfect excuse to look at her. Fuck! He had planned to avoid her all night. It didn't work out too well.
Everyone was leaning forward and Alice started to laugh and Chibs very soon fell in.
"I was at this bar during a raid." She started.
"In the toilet I believe." Chibs was filling in.
"Shut up! Yes, the toilet, with a guy."
"Fucking, was the word the officer used."
"Shut up, Chibs." They were both laughing so hard they could barely speak. Happy couldn't believe her. Fucking a guy in a bathroom. He wasn't sure if it was pissing him off or turning him on.
"You were arrested for that?" Tig said, "They usually don't care about stuff like that."
Everyone had a huge smile on their face and Tara was already laughing as well.
"Geez Alice, a toilet."
"Saves me the trouble of kicking them out of my bed."
"Still, I've been caught fucking during a raid and they didn't arrest me." Tig said.
"Why am I not surprised?" Juice said.
"It wasn't so much that she was fucking, it was who she was fucking that got her arrested." Chibs was chuckling.
"For the love of God, Chibs!"
"What? That's the whole point of the story."
"Who was she fucking, Chibs?" Jax had a huge smile on his lips and Alice was laughing so hard she couldn't even sit up straight.
Chibs looked at her with a huge smile. "The sheriffs' future son in law."
It got dead quiet around the table, they all looked at Alice and then at the same time burst into a roaring laughter. When they finally calmed down Tara said.
"You know, that's not even the best story of how she got arrested for Indecent exposure."
"What the fuck!" Opie said, "How can that not be the best story?"
"Tara please shut up. They don't need to hear about any other times!"
"Sure we do, we need to know everything about you, it is very important to the Sons to know these things." Clay said with I smile.
"Sure is." Jax agreed.
"And I need to know whose babysitting my grandsons." Gemma added, putting the final nail in the coffin.
"See Alice, I'm sorry but I am bound by oath." Tara threw her hands in the air.
"What fucking oath?"
"Well, you know."
"Ah fuck, just tell them."
"It was Halloween about five years ago." Alice had not been prepared for that, Happy could tell, she snapped her head towards Tara with an open mouth.
"You are not seriously going to tell them that story!" Happy smiled, this would be an awesome story.
"Sure am! It's hilarious." Tara said with a smile and then finished her drink. "We were on our way home when a cop car stopped us, probably to make sure we were ok. He was actually really nice to begin with."
"He was pretty fucking rude in the end though." Alice muttered.
"Yes, he was. We were in costumes, I had a gypsy-costume and Alice was Alice in Wonderland."
"I'm always Alice in Wonderland, that was one of the best costumes, still have it."
"It was very nice, even matching, lovely panties if I remembered correctly."
"Yup and striped stay-ups."
Happy didn't even want to think about what she looked like in that. This was not helping him in his attempts to avoid her, at all. Fuck!
"Alice and the officer got into a discussion and it got a bit heated."
"And then he called me a 'worthless fucking whore'."
"Fucking cops." Juice said and the rest of the nodded.
"Yes, but just before that Alice walked up to him, pointed at him with her lollipop and said 'I bet you have a tiny fucking penis that you can only get up while wearing your uniform and in the presence of an opossum and a picture of George W Bush'."
They all started laughing, even Alice.
"I don't remember saying that!"
"You did, I thought I was going to have a heart attack."
"Fucking brilliant!" Chibs almost screamed and Piney had to press his tube to his nose to get air.
"Is that when he arrested her?" Jax said.
"No, the officer had enormous amount of patience, just called her some names and the proceeded to get into his car."
"He let her get away with that?" Jax said in disbelief.
"Yes, but Alice got, well… let's just say, annoyed, and walked over to the car, pulled down her Alice in Wonderland panties, jumped up and sat her bare ass down on the windshield of the car."
'She did what?' Happy thought. And his mind was immediately filled with images of what that must have looked like. She had a perfect fucking ass. He could not believe this bitch. Crazy chick!
There was complete silence around the table and finally Jax managed to say. "You are fucking kidding me."
"She's not, I remember that part. I did that." Alice said nodding, actually looking slightly embarrassed.
"And let just say, unless he had an opossum and a picture of George W Bush in the car, she wasn't right about his ability to get it up."
They all stared at Alice and the started to laugh.
"Crazy fucking bitch!" Tig said which pretty much summed up what they all were thinking.
"He managed to get out of the car and said in the most respectful voice to Alice - who was still on the windshield - 'could you please pull up your panties miss so I can arrest you'. And she just said 'For WHAT!'."
No one of them could stop laughing. This could possibly be the best arrest story Happy had ever heard. And he had heard quite a few.
"I was fucking freaking out 'cause I knew I didn't have money for the bail and Alice just said 'Call Mark'."
"Who's Mark?" Juice said and sounded a bit jealous.
"He was my boyfriend at the time."
"And he's fucking huge, I was so scared, I thought he would be furious."
"He wasn't?" Clay said in disbelief.
"No I met him outside the police station and by the time I was finished explaining what had happened he was laughing so hard he could hardly sign the release forms." If she had been his girl, he would not have been laughing, he would have been crazy.
"He must have been pissed by the time you came home though?" Gemma said what they all were thinking.
"No."
"Seriously, you sit your naked ass down on the windshield of a cop car and the dude doesn't get pissed." Bobby tried. "Not even a little bit?"
"Nope. Not at all."
"Then what did he say?" Clay asked.
"He asked me to marry him." What kind of a dude was this Mark anyway, Happy hated his fucking guts already.
"On the parking lot of the police station." Tara said with a smile, "Very romantic speech. 'You're the craziest, most wonderful, beautiful fucking chick I've ever met and I love you'. I cried."
"What did you say?" Happy couldn't help himself, he had never met the guy and he already wanted to punch him in the face and he needed to know.
"Eventually, I said yes."
"You've been married?" Juice again. Happy felt like hitting him as well.
"I am married." There was dead silence around the table. "He hasn't signed the papers yet."
Happy couldn't believe it. The bitch was married! About to divorce the fucker, but even so. He did not mess with married women. And most definitely not with crazy ass bitches who were married. He still couldn't stop looking at her. He hand never met anyone like her.
The song they are dancing to is "Blister in the Sun" by Violent Femmes.
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