Frozen
Verse: Nikita
Genre: Hurt/Angst
Rating: T
Pairings: Alex/Michael
Song: Hurricane by 30 seconds to Mars
Summary: On the right days, her eyes burned with a frozen fire that reminded him of Russia.
The twitch in his jaw had Percy calling him to his office and judging if he was able to cope with this recruit. Michael would have been lying if he admitted that he was right as rain with it. But he convinced Percy and therefore Amanda, to believing he could handle this.
He almost reconsidered when he saw her fight against the guards, as they dragged her towards her cell. He had read the files, seen the live show years ago. He was eager for revenge and orders that he didn't think twice about agreeing to Percy's offer.
When he closed his eyes against her screams, he remembered his wife and beautiful daughter, pictured how they should have lived their lives and then forced himself to remember that day it was all snatched away from him and them.
She was nothing but a recruit but there was rare days; days when she was too tired and beaten down to fight back and he would catch the harsh clips to her words. Her accent, though prefect, would slip over simple words and no one but him caught it.
He remembered in those rare moments a lake in Russia, frozen due to the harsh winter, just as the sun sunk it would reflect off the frozen lake and for a moment it looked to him like a frozen fire. Nikita hadn't seen it back then, but he did and now and then something would remind him of that fateful night and that frozen fire in the lake.
They all had their doubts about Alex; Percy would just give her that look, Amanda would offer in that sweetly sick tone to confirm or deny those doubts and Birkhoff just blurted it out when he felt the need to. And Michael knew these doubts; had them the first time he watched her and remembered another agent, who betrayed him.
But Alex wasn't Nikita; she never could be and not because of the skills.
Nikita always burned with a fire, a passion. When he looked into her eyes he was scared he would be burnt. Even now, that she wanted to destroy all that he had worked for over the past couple of years, she still looked ready to burn him.
But Alex; she had this hidden passion, this drive that pushed her even when he knew that she didn't want anything to do with Division or what they did. But there was days, when he understand that fire in her eyes. It wouldn't burn him, it would freeze him and that scared him more than Nikita.
He wasn't stupid, the moment he saw her, he knew who she was. She was the Russian frozen fire, she was the heiress. But where Percy thought he could tame her to be his own little pet Michael feared her. Russia was the only place where Michael felt the doubt about Division.
He was just the handler, making sure Nikita did as she was meant to. He watched her pull the trigger, he watched her flinch at the screams of mercy and he watched her save that little girl. The fire in her eyes grew ten times hotter after that night and though they never spoke about her actions, he knew most of that fire was directed at him because he could have stopped it at any moment.
He could have spared the child and made sure she would be safe; but he didn't.
After their joint test he saw that frozen fire so clear in her eyes that he had to look away; for fear of burning or guilt, he wasn't sure because on those days he saw it, he remembered that frozen lake and the fire he saw in it and he began to doubt.
Himself, Division and Nikita's so called betrayal.
He hated Russia. Because on rare days he would look into Alexandra Udinov's eyes and see that frozen fire and he knew that he wasn't a hero.
He was the man being burned alive.
The end
