It seems that Resident Evil characters have no romantic or social lives. Would any of the Resident Evil characters even know what to do if they were on a date?

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN RESIDENT EVIL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS AND I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING MENTIONED IN THIS FANFICTION.

Leon goes on a date

It was a beautiful night. The moon and stars were shining in the sky and the weather was nice and warm. World hero, super agent, bio terrorism fighter and winner of best hairstyle monthly Leon Scott Kennedy was sitting down in a nice, classy restaurant. He was wearing black jeans, black sneakers, a short sleeved navy polo shirt and of course his hair was looking fabulous as always. Leon was waiting in the restaurant for five minutes, until a beautiful woman came to where he was sitting. This woman was a knockout. She was tall and skinny, with long legs, long jet black hair, blue eyes and beautiful olive skin. The hot woman gave Leon a huge smile. Her smile was so beautiful and her teeth were so white. She was wearing a strapless sparkly green mini dress that showed off her hot body and sexy legs and wore gold high heels and a gold sparkly watch and bracelet.

Hot woman: Hi! Leon?

Leon: Oh, hi. You must be, um, Kelly.

Kelly: Yeah! Hi! Really nice to meet you!

Leon: Yeah.

Kelly (sitting down): Um, so, ever eaten here before? I heard of this place but for some reason I never had the chance to eat here, until tonight that is. I heard the breadsticks here are amazing.

Leon: You have black hair.

Kelly (raising her eyebrow): Um, yeah, yes I do.

Leon: You have black hair just like her.

Kelly: Um, like who?

Leon: I mean really? I'm trying to move on and forget about her like my therapist says I should and I actually force myself to go on a date and my date has black hair? How can I forget about Ada when my date has black hair just like Ada? Is the universe trying to mess with me right now?

Kelly: Um, what?

Leon: Oh shit, I'm sorry, I am so sorry. It's just that, okay there's this woman, Ada and I love her so much but she keeps leaving me. I mean every time I try and tell her my feelings, or try and ask her out or just talk to her, she points a gun to my head or gets away on a fucking helicopter or grapple hooks away.

Kelly: Um, okay? Were you guys together before and she just keeps avoiding you now?

Leon: No, we weren't together. I mean we kissed one time and boy what a kiss. Our tongues made some beautiful music together. All salivary and everything.

Kelly: So let me get this straight. You two have never been in a relationship but yet you're in love with her?

Leon: Yes I am in love with her! We have an emotional and sexual chemistry!

Kelly: Okay, but do you think maybe you're in love with her and she doesn't feel the same way about you? I mean, if she loved you she wouldn't keep running away from you right?

Leon (slams his fork in the table): SHE DOES LOVE ME! SHE DOES! I KNOW SHE DOES! She just, she just keeps running away because of her demanding job, yeah, that's it. She'll come back to me. She's just busy right now is all, but once she retires from her job, she'll have time to be with me!

Kelly: Okay, um, Leon, you seem like um…a nice guy…but um, clearly you're still in love with this Ada person so maybe, maybe I should just go?

Leon: No, no Kelly! Shit, I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I'm being so rude. It's just that it's hard for me to move on. Come on, haven't you found it hard to move on from someone before?

Kelly: *sigh* Yeah, I've been there. You're right, it is hard to get over someone you love.

Leon: Exactly, so, so lets start over okay? Please.

Kelly (smiling): Okay, no worries.

Leon: Moving on, Leon, moving on, no more talking about A-D-A. Haha. Moving on.

Kelly (puts her hand on top of his): Yes, no more talking about her. Talking about her is making you depressed. Lets talk about happy things! Lets get to know each other, lets enjoy this date.

Leon: Yeah, you're right!

Waiter comes to their table

Waiter (looking very cynical and speaking monotonously): Hello I'm Chase, welcome to Garden de Olive where we love you like family. Yay. Would you like to order?

Kelly: After you, handsome.

Leon's eye and face starts twitching.

Leon: H-handsome? H-handsome?! H-handsome? Did you just call me handsome?

Kelly: Um, yes?

Leon: Ada calls me handsome. She's all like "hey handsome," "need a ride handsome?" "what's up handsome?"

Kelly: Oh I'm, sorry, I didn't mean to remind you of her, I-I didn't know.

Leon (still twitching): No, no, it's cool. It's all good. I will get a vodka waiter.

Kelly: Apple martini please.

Waiter: Coming right up.

Kelly: Leon, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Leon: No, really it's okay. See, I've stopped twitching. Moving on, moving on. So Kelly, what do you do?

Kelly: Um, I'm a Human Resource Manager at a law firm.

Leon: That is such a safe job. You lead a normal life don't you? You just go to work, work at an office and then when you're done you come home. You don't have to travel and work for all kinds of people, including people who might be psychopaths trying to destroy the world but because you're undercover you have to work for them to expose them. You aren't in danger of being killed by psychos, clones, monsters or zombies. You know who doesn't have a safe job? Ada. Why, why won't you just have a normal job Ada? Why do you have a job that you constantly have to move all the time? I mean, my job is crazy but I mean, at least I get some down time sometimes! If you didn't have a demanding job we would have time to be together Ada! (Leon starts crying). Why, why can't we be together Ada? WHY? WHY?! *BOO! HOO HOO!* *SOB*

Kelly: Okay, I'm gonna go.

Leon (still crying): Maybe I should just start a fucking outbreak just to get your attention Ada, because isn't that how we always meet? WILL THAT GET YOUR ATTENTION ADA? HUH? WILL IT? YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE ME A FUCKING CALL ONCE IN A WHILE! I WOULD CALL YOU BUT OH, YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, I DON'T HAVE YOUR FUCKING NUMBER BECAUSE YOU KEEP RUNNING AWAY BEFORE I FUCKING ASK YOU FOR IT!

Leon puts his head down on the table and keeps crying very loudly. Kelly runs out of the restaurant.

Kelly: That is the last time I do any fucking blind dating. Fuck this shit!