But For The Grace Of God
It was 1.45am on a cold, wet morning in Cardiff Bay. It had been raining for almost 5 hours non stop. Definitely not the weather or time of day to be Weevil hunting. But that was exactly what Ianto Jones and Captain Jack Harkness were doing. They had cornered a Weevil across from the Millennium Centre near the Cardiff Bay Train Station, or so they thought.
Ianto was cold, wet and fed up. Jack had been working him tirelessly for the past week, and Ianto was beginning to feel the effects of a 15 hour day. Living at the Hub with Jack didn't make it any easier. He loved Jack, but being there, at the Hub, sometimes with no rest between one hunt and another, was beginning to tell on him.
The shadows were more pronounced in the rain, making it harder to make out shapes.
"Jack, he's long gone. Can't we leave it?" Ianto asked.
"Keep looking," replied Jack, irritated that Ianto would give up so easily.
Shaking his head, Ianto walked into the entrance to the Train Station. A movement off to his left caught his eye. Without thinking, Ianto drew his gun and fired. Jack spun around at the sound of gunfire.
"Ianto!" He ran towards the younger man.
"I'm okay, Jack." Ianto walked towards the prone figure.
Jack stood beside Ianto. Taking the gun from him, he looked down at a child lying in the rain. Blood mingled with water from a fatal head shot.
"What have I done?" said Ianto, tears running down his already wet face.
Jack moved Ianto to one side. "I need to call Gwen." He pushed Ianto away from the body and knelt beside the still form. Rolling it over, Jack came face to face with a child. A boy about 7.
"I should have waited," Ianto said, running a hand through his wet hair. "Should have waited."
Jack got out his phone and dialled Gwen's mobile number. "It's Jack. Listen, we need the SUV out at Cardiff Bay Station."
"Okay Jack. Have you got the Weevil then?"
Jack looked at Ianto. "No. There's a casualty."
"Ianto!"
"No. A child. Ianto accidentally shot and killed a child."
"Oh, Jack."
"Get Tosh to start making a suitable cover story. I'm gonna wait here with Ianto. He's in a bit of a state right now. Bring Owen with you." Jack hung up.
Ianto stood statue still, staring down at the dead child. Jack put his arm around his shoulders and steered him back towards the entrance to the station.
"We need to get you back to the Hub."
"Wh…what about him?"
"I'm sorry, but he's dead, Ianto. We can't help him."
"We can't….leave him here. We have to….do something."
"That's why I called Gwen. She'll be here soon with Owen."
Ianto tried to protest, but Jack gripped his arm, pulling him away.
Just as they were approaching the Bay Craft Centre, Jack saw the black Torchwood SUV coming towards them. Gwen rolled down her window.
"He's just inside the entrance." Jack told her.
"Tosh is workin' on a cover story right now."
Ianto pulled free of Jack and ran down the road towards the Water Tower. He didn't stop there, but carried on down towards the Bay.
"Go after 'im Jack," said Owen. "We'll clear up here."
Jack ran after Ianto, calling his name.
Hurt and confused, Ianto stopped by the entrance to the Information Centre. Jack caught up with him.
"I don't know what to do, Jack. I just killed a child," he began to shake. "I'm a monster."
Jack pulled him into a fierce hug. "It was an accident."
"No! I should have waited. Made sure before I fired." he pulled free and went into the Information Centre.
Jack followed after a few minutes. He didn't want to leave Ianto on his own. Tosh looked at Ianto as he passed her workstation. A few minutes later, Jack passed. She pointed to the autopsy bay. Ianto was stood by one of the glass cabinets, looking at the various bottles of tablets and syringes.
"You don't wanna do this, Ianto."
"How do you know what I want to do. I just killed a child, Jack!"
Jack slowly moved further into the bay.
"Don't!" warned Ianto, opening the cabinet.
He picked up a syringe that he knew was filled with a lethal dose of anaesthetic.
Just then, Owen appeared behind Jack. Jack signalled for him to stop.
"Killing yourself won't bring him back."
Ianto moved the syringe from one hand to the other.
Gwen entered the Hub carrying the child, Owen signalled her to stop.
"Put it down, Yan." Jack called him by the name he kept for when they were alone.
Ianto ran his hand through his damp hair.
Tosh picked up her coffee cup, and, moving closer to Owen. Taking careful aim, she threw the cup at Ianto. Shocked, he dropped the syringe, giving Jack time to grab him before he sank to the floor, holding his head.
"It's okay, Yan. You're okay." Jack signalled for Owen.
Putting Ianto on the table, Owen check out his head. "It's only a scalp wound."
Jack nodded.
"Take 'im down below, Jack." Owen told him, taking a syringe from the cabinet and plunging it into Ianto's upper arm.
"Ouch!"
"And both of you get out of those wet clothes. We'll take care of things here."
Jack nodded, helping Ianto off the table and out towards his office and their bedroom. Guiding Ianto down the ladder, Jack followed. Carefully, he stripped Ianto of his wet clothes before pulling back the covers and putting Ianto to bed. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow, thanks to the drug Owen gave him. Jack brushed back damp hair.
"I'm sorry, Yan," kissing the top of Ianto's head, before getting out of his wet clothes and putting on dry ones.
Back in the autopsy room, Gwen put the boy's body on the table. Tosh had moved to look down into the bay.
"We'll have to wait for a Missing Persons Report," a sad smile touched her lips. "Ianto must really be going through all kinds of hell right now."
"Jack'll take care of 'im," answered Owen, undressing the boy. "If you ladies don't mind, I need to get on 'ere." He didn't look at them.
Tosh and Gwen moved away just as Jack appeared at the stairs leading from his office.
"How's Ianto?" Tosh asked.
"Sleeping."
"And you?" This from Gwen.
Jack shook his head. "He said we should leave it, before he fired. That the Weevil was long gone. I didn't listen."
"You had no way of knowing, Jack."
Owen was listening, and asked. "What was the boy doin' out that time of the night in the rain, Jack?"
"Maybe we'll never know."
"He won't leave it, Jack. Ianto, I mean." Gwen said. "You know he won't."
"Can't you retcon him?" asked Tosh.
Again, Jack shook his head. "Can't do that. He has to work through this. If I retcon you every time something like this happens….." he let the sentence trail off.
Tosh understood.
"Beside," Jack added. "I'd have to retcon us all. Don't want any slip-ups later. He might remember, and we're back to square one."
"He's ready to go down Jack." Owen told him.
"I'll take him."
"Are you sure?"
Jack sighed. He walked down the stairs from his office and continued on to the autopsy bay. Jack stood before the table for a few minutes, looking at the tiny form, before lifting him into his arms. He them took him down to the vast locker area, where bodies were stored in deep freeze.
Placing the tiny body into a locker, Jack bent down and kissed the cold cheek, a tear rolling down his face. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, before closing the locker.
"Jack!" this from Gwen in his ear piece.
"Yeah?"
"Ianto's having a nightmare. He's screaming for you."
"I'll be right up."
Jack patted the locker door before turning and running towards the stairs. Once in the corridor leading up to the main Hub, Jack could hear Ianto screaming his name. He quickly climbed the stairs and entered his office. Descending the ladder, Jack took a quivering Ianto into his arms, stroking his hair and face.
"It's okay. I'm here. It's okay."
But it wasn't. Ianto couldn't stop crying, and tears quickly soaked the front of Jack's shirt.
After ten minutes, Ianto had cried himself to sleep. Jack tried to lie him back down against the pillow, but Ianto hung onto him. Consigned to the fact he was there for the rest of the night, Jack settled onto the bed and waited for morning.
Gwen and Tosh left for home around 3am.
At 7am, Jack finally managed to move Ianto enough to get off the bed and climb the ladder back up to his office. To his surprise, Owen was asleep on the old battered couch. Jack gently shook him.
"What are you still doing here?"
"Just in case either of you needed me."
Jack smiled. "Thanks."
"No worries," he returned the smile, then, sitting up, asked, "How's Ianto?"
"Still sleeping."
"It's best. I can give 'im another shot, keep 'im out longer."
Jack shook his head. "No. He has to face it at sometime."
"What was the kid doin' out there at 2am, Jack?"
"Maybe once the Missing Persons Report is filed, we'll find out. Til then…." Jack shrugged.
"We'll 'ave to keep an eye on Ianto. He's suicidal, Jack."
"I'll make sure someone is with him 24/7 until it's been resolved."
"You know Ianto, Jack. 'olds it all inside."
"I know. I'll talk to him." Jack sighed. "It might not make much difference, but I'll try."
Owen stood up. "I'll go make some coffee. Will instant do?"
Jack nodded. "Right now, I'll settle for boiling water."
Owen smiled, then headed off towards the kitchen, leaving Jack alone. Five minutes later, Owen put a steaming cup of coffee on Jack's desk.
"Thanks."
"Want me to check on Ianto?"
Jack shook his head. "Just did. He's still sleeping."
"Can 'e 'andle it, Jack? Is 'e gonna get through this?"
"We'll be here for him, Owen. He can count on us."
"Goes without sayin'."
Jack tried to smile, but wasn't very successful. "I know."
"What's 'e gonna do, when 'e wakes up, I mean, work wise?"
Jack picked up his coffee cup and drank from it, then looked at the porthole in his office floor. "Haven't a clue." Jack turned to look directly at Owen. "I don't even know if he'll wanna stay with Torchwood, let alone me."
"He loves you, Jack."
"Will it be enough?"
Just then, Ianto appeared on the ladder, dressed in an open shirt and his suit trousers. Jack and Owen watched as he moved across the room barefooted, and out towards the kitchen.
"Mornin'." said Owen.
Ianto ignored him.
Owen raised his eyebrows and looked at Jack.
"Ianto?"
"I need coffee," was all he said.
Jack got up and followed him. "We need to talk."
"No!"
"Ianto?"
"I don't want to talk."
"I think you need too."
"I don't." Ianto carried on making coffee, ignoring Jack completely.
Jack sighed, tilted his head back slightly and closed his eyes. "Ianto."
"We should have stopped when I said so. But no, you wanted to carry on. Jack Harkness wanted to keep going, even though there was nothing to chase."
"I didn't know that, not for sure."
"Well, you do now, don't you? I killed a child last night, because of you. I hope you're happy now."
Jack caught Ianto by the arm and spun him around to face him. "Don't you dare lay this at my door! We are a team!"
"Then the team was shit last night."
Owen was listening and decided to join in.
"Just who the hell do you think you are, anyway? Just cos your bangin' the boss, you think you can get away with anything. You can't. You fired that gun last night. You didn't look properly. You fucked up, no one else."
"Owen, you're not helping."
"Tough." he turned and walked back to the stairs, heading for the autopsy bay. "You don't shit on your friends, Ianto."
Reality hit hard, and Ianto almost collapsed. Jack caught him before he hit the floor.
"Owen!"
Placing Ianto on the battered couch, Owen checked his pulse and heart rate.
"You need to eat something."
Ianto shook his head, a tear slipped from his right eye.
"Ianto, please." coxed Jack.
"I can't. Won't be able to keep it down."
"At least try. I can get you something from Starbucks."
"No, thanks anyway." he turned to Owen. "Sorry."
Owen smiled. "'sokay, mate."
"I…need to go back to my flat, Jack."
"Okay. I'll drive you."
"No! I …need to go on my own."
Jack shook his head. "After last night, I don't think so, Ianto."
"I won't do anything stupid, Jack."
"No, you won't, cos I'll be there."
Ianto was getting annoyed. "Fine. I'll stay here then."
"We're just lookin' out for ya."
"Where is he now? The boy."
"Downstairs," replied Jack.
"Can I see him?"
"Absolutely not."
Just then, the large sliding door rolled back, letting Gwen enter the Hub.
"Mornin'," she said, a smile on her face.
"What are you ginning at?" asked Ianto.
"I'm sorry, Ianto."
"So you should be."
"Ianto! Enough!" declared Jack.
Ianto got off the couch and walked quickly to the stairs leading to the lower levels at Torchwood.
"I'm sorry, Jack." Gwen said.
Jack rubbed her arm. "It's okay. He wanted to see the body."
"Not good," replied Gwen.
"Shouldn't you go after him." Owen said.
"In a minute. Let him cool off a bit."
"Will he do anything foolish?"
"Throw himself down the stairs? Beat himself against a few filing cabinets? No, I shouldn't think so."
"Go in with a Weevil, maybe," said Gwen.
Jack mouthed the word shit and was off after Ianto.
Ianto was stood outside the cell, watching the Weevil. It watched Ianto's every move, snarling at him as he moved closer to the glass. Ianto's hand hovered over the red button that would open the cell if he pushed it.
"Ianto! No!" shouted Jack.
"I can't do it, Jack. I want to, but I can't."
Jack touched his arm, but Ianto pulled away. "I don't blame you, Cariad. It was my fault."
Jack sighed. "It was no ones fault, Yan. It was dark, raining."
"I lost my concentration. Wanted to go back to the warmth of the Hub. It was my fault. You should have called the police."
"And tell them what, Yan? We were out chasing aliens when we shot a child."
"I shot a child."
"Talk to me, Yan."
"Trying to get inside my head, Cariad?"
Jack smiled at the use of the Welsh endearment. "Can I?"
Ianto half smiled.
"Let's go back up to my office. We can talk. Just sit there. You could go back down to the bedroom. Whatever you want."
"I want last night not to have happened." Ianto said, a tortured look on his youthful face.
"I can't make that happen. I'm sorry."
"So am I."
