Title:A state of existence
Summary: the line between existence and life is weak for a slave. Yet worth the risk.
Character: Naevia
Rating: T
Warnings: None
Spoilers: yep. Do not read if you haven't watched the season completely.
Notes: prompted by LJ comm bloodandsandfic, inspiration post#7. Picture 1: The one who sees and isn't seen.
OOOOO
Spartacus.
A beast disguised underneath a man's skin.
He betrayed Rome. How could he? How would the Gods bring such curse into this honourable ludus?
Domina knows. She believes the Thracian will only bring a bad augurium to the house of Batiatus, yet her words had not been properly received.
Days ago I saw him draw blood, killing like an animal. Dominus named him. I could see the interest in his eyes, yet I would not understand.
Until today.
Only a few moments ago, as I stood by Domina before the empty impluvium, Dominus came, carrying news from the honourable man betrayed by the Thracian.
Yes, Dominus knew what to do with the Thracian he had named Spartacus.
I could see the look of pride in Domina as he spoke, their hopes rising in prospect of their wishes finally fulfilled.
The Thracian would soon find his death and everything would go back to normalcy in the ludus.
Naevia finished rubbing off Domina's essence from her fingers and returned to the room.
OOO
I still shiver from his touch.
How could that be?
He is Domina's, as I am. How could he be so bold? Does he think everything is ruled by the same laws as in the arena? He might be the champion upon the sand, yet he is but a slave inside these walls.
Does he not have eyes?
Does he not see the way she looks at him, swelling with desire? Does he not hear her words, spoken soft, direct and low? Does he not feel the pleasure when he moves inside her?
Does he not have the same eyes as I?
OOO
Spartacus.
A man turned into a beast.
Betrayed by the Romans. How could they? How could the Gods allow such sorrow?
My heart, now swelling with love, breaks for him.
I silently walk inside, commanded by Domina to tend to my love's wounds. It almost feels like an offense to kiss him as my heart desires.
Crixus is asleep, still weak from his wounds. I carefully take the linen cloth and caress his skin, pretending to clear the beads of sweat.
My eyes, now opened to things I never dared to dream, steal a furtive look towards my left. Besides lays a woman I had only heard about from Domina's lips. I had imagined a brute beast, a warrior, like her husband. Instead I found the beautiful face of a woman whose final breath had been closed with a placid smile, still dwelling in her lips, a gift to her love, standing there, broken, beside her, eyes red with no tears left to shed.
Feeling an intruder in such grieving and private moment, I turn my eyes to Crixus, with a new understanding of the man I once believed an undeserving traitor and with my heart pressing my chest at the thought of being parted from my love.
OOO
I still tremble from his touch.
I will ache the rest of my life, for my eyes will not see him again, with the sole hope of having news of his victories inside the arena.
My eyes were opened only to see our hearts ripped off.
My fear remains for his hope, my trust now placed in Doctore, who I would proudly call my brother. I could not survive a shared fate of Crixus and Barca.
I was born in that ludus which now, beaten and humiliated, I leave behind.
While my eyes were closed, I was safe.
Unseen, unharmed. In a permanent state of existence.
Then I was seen. I was loved, I opened my eyes and lived.
Our dream was short lived. They crushed it.
He blames himself.
I see him weep like a lost child and I wish I had been the docile shadow I had learned to be.
I wish, but only for a moment.
I cannot pretend I don't know the meaning of living. For I have lived through our love, as short as it has been.
I do not care. It has been my life.
My life.
Now I am dead again. Fated to the shadows of an unknown future.
While my eyes were closed, I was safe.
They have been shut down.
Still, I strangely feel more alive now than I ever dreamed of.
fin
