My entire body was like fireworks. Sudden explosions of pain everywhere as my heart fought to hold on. I knew I was going to die. If I knew, why was I fighting? For the slim chance that I would get to make it through this to live out Hazel's life with her. God, I loved her. I really did. Stupid Augustus. There was no chance. I should have just let go! It doesn't make sense. I'm just torturing myself.

But I'm doing it for love, and that makes it all worthwhile. Hazel Grace was the most beautiful living being that I had ever known. Hell, she'd put up with me for this long. I know it was hard to put up with. Sometimes I think that it is just as hard to watch me suffer as it is for me to die. Maybe I'm wrong.

Hazel Grace thought so. It really bothered her. She told me that she was like a grenade. When she went, there would be a huge wave of pain behind her. That would not be true. She left me with nothing but beautiful memories. For a while I thought I might outlast her.

I had never been that scared before. I watched her in the hospital, and it hurt to see her body lying there, with a hideous liquid being pumped out of her. I've never been a prayer, but god knows that I was on my knees begging. Anything for my Hazel Grace. Anything.

I could see every detail of her face. Her flushed lips and full smile, with beautiful teeth. Then her rosy cheeks outlined with chestnut hair. How could she not see? How could she not know how beautiful she was?

I could feel my lungs collapsing. All that mattered was that I'd finished the letter and sent it off to that goddamned author. After all, he brought us together. He probably thought he'd ruined my wish, but he couldn't be more wrong. Van Houten's ego and cruel nature drove Hazel and I away from that house and into each other's arms.

I had given up on trying to be a hero, I knew I would never go racing into battle to jump in front of someone worthwhile. All I could hope for was Hazel Grace. That she loved me as much as I loved her and that I had given her enough happy memories to drown out the bad. I hoped she knew she wasn't a grenade.

Grenades aren't beautiful or kind or amazing. Cancer was part of her body, but she wasn't that. She was so much more. Her soul was so pure.

I cringed, beginning to lose my consciousness. I was dying. I was dying. I was never going to see Hazel again. Hazel. My Hazel Grace. I had always believed in Something. Please, Hazel Grace, meet me in Something. I was never going to look into her eyes again. I wouldn't have one last time to tell her I loved her. The universe was so unfair. I needed to see her. I had to.

"Hazel Grace," my lips could barely form the words, but my lungs had long sense taken my ability to make words.

I coughed in that raspy dying way.

The universe was not a wish granting factory. I wanted one wish, but it wouldn't give it to me.

Hazel. Hazel Grace. Please.

I had to see her.

Hazel Grace please, know that I love you.

I love you… nothing was there. For a second I thought I saw her face, but I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I couldn't keep breathing anymore.

My thoughts blurred. Hazel. Grace. Lancaster.

I love you Hazel Grace. I'll be okay.

Okay.

Then I was gone.