Title: The Sexily Sexy Adventures of Sirius Black
Pairing: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Summary: It was a normal, average, typically boring day in the life of one Sirius Black...
Notes: This is pure and utter crack. Haha. Skittlez and I decided that self-narrating is so totally a Black family trait, so they all do it. Every single one. Swear to hell. Haha. So, here you go. Mostly just Sirius narrating and Remus being annoyed, with a hint of Regulus and Andromeda.
It was a normal, average, typically boring day in the life of one Sirius Black, sexiest boy, no man, alive. He was walking down the hall, flashing his irresistible grin at every pretty girl who happened to walk by, and causing much fainting out of pure lust for him amongst the general population.
"Sirius, the only people in the hallway are me and one of your cousins," said the ever so delusional Moony, one of Sirius' handy henchmen.
"I think the word you are looking for is friends, mate." Sirius laughed at Remus' foolishness, pointed out that Andromeda wasn't actually in the hallway, she was in the classroom they had just passed, and cheerfully skipped into his Potions classroom.
"Um, Padfoot… you're in a closet. Potions is at the other end of the hall." Sirius laughed, a manly, sexy, and did I mention manly? laugh, of epic manly portions.
"Proportions. The word you are looking for is proportions." Remus obviously knew nothing about the English language, Sirius Black thought with a laugh. He looked at the aforementioned Remus with a sultry look of pure sultriness-
"You look as if you have brain damage, you know. Probably do, actually…"
Of pure sultriness and sex that said, "That's right, you know you want this." He reached his left arm behind Remus, leaning it against the wall, his face mere centimeters-
"Meters."
-from the boy in front of him.
Just then, the door to the closet opened with a loud SMACK against the wall! Who was this fiend that had so rudely interrupted their moments of passion?
"You mean you staring at me while I leaned against a wall?"
It was not a fiend at all, but a random passerby who just happened to hear some familiar talking like noise from a closet.
Actually, it was a fiend. A very fiendish, obnoxious, nosy brother-type fiend by the name of Regulus Black. He kind of looked like Sirius, but he was shorter, younger, gayer, and far less sexy than his older brother who had clearly taken up all the good genes in the family.
Clearly one Sirius Black is mistaken, because his brother wasn't being nosy at all, but had just heard a noise and thought he migh-
"Oh for the love of- shut up!" Remus yelled, effectively silencing the two brothers. "No, no more! Stop it now! Sirius, you are going to Potions, Regulus, you are getting as far away from Sirius as possible because I am not sitting here and listening to a narration war."
"Sorry," they bot-
"What did I just say?"
"But it wasn't us!" Remus turned around and noticed a dark-haired, friendly looking girl standing behind them all, laughing at how silly they were being.
"Ugh. I'm leaving. You Blacks are going to be the death of me." Remus stormed off in a huff.
No, he walked off bitchily. Like he always does.
No no no, he moodily scampered away.
Andromeda, Sirius, and Regulus Black walked off down the hallway, arguing (fighting! waging epic battle!) over how one Remus Lupin had left their presence (company! pant area!).
