I'm in a silly mood so I started this tongue and cheek piece. Probably won't take it far but at least it is keeping me from torturing the tinny tiny little group of readers of my other story with odd little insignificant edits. Besides, this is basically anonymous right?
"Hey! Blondie," Misaki had found him. It wasn't hard, she just needed to follow the giggle of girls and figurative flowers that trailed behind him like breadcrumbs on a path. "My office… now."
They stepped into the classroom dedicated to the student body council. The President of the Student Council sounded angry. No one had ever been angry at Takumi Usui before. At least not long enough to express it. They might open their mouths to scold him but before the words could take shape in their minds, his dazzling green eyes, chiseled chin, and perfect smile would make them forget everything they'd had known, including how to remain standing. It wasn't just women either, in fact it wasn't just humans. Dogs, birds, spiders would all go weak in the knees when he passed. The City had been looking into placing a restraint order on the boy. Not because he had done anything wrong, but because the hospitals and vet offices had found themselves overwhelmed by the number of fainting victims when ever he ventured outside. Of course, every officer that had tried to serve him had immediately turned to mush before being capable of handing over the restraining orders, so Takumi continued to attend school and continued to remain a royal pain to one Misaki Ayuzawa – Seika High, Student Body President.
Once the door was closed, she looked him in the eye. "I don't know what kind of perverted space alien you are but you had better figure out how to stop breaking the hearts of every girl you meet around here. I have far too much work to keep consoling all of the girls you charm!" Misaki meant business and Takumi was afraid.
He stumbled out of the room before the impact of her words hit him. He rushed to the bathroom and stared into the mirror. "Space alien". How had she known? He pulled out his phone and Googled "human male photos". Flipping through the catalogue of photos he thought he had done a pretty good job. He looked at his hands and counted. Yep. 10 fingers. He knew that was right. Was it because he went with green eyes? Only two percent of humans had green eyes, but was that really what gave him away? Hadn't some actress chosen violet eyes and gotten away with it? Heck, The Prince of Pop, Mike Johnson, wasn't even suspected and he was missing a whole nose! Yet, here he was, found out after only a year. He'd need to follow that Misaki to see if she would reveal his secrete.
Following anyone was no easy feat for Takumi. Of course he was perfectly coordinated, agile and stealthy but with the crowds constantly pointing at him and girls falling over, it was tough to be inconspicuous. Maybe he could wear a burka to follow her around. No no. That wouldn't do. That would be culturally insensitive. Hummm…. A Ninja outfit would do the trick. He was in Japan. Dressed as a ninja, he wouldn't stand out at all! Or so he thought. After the 10th tourist had stopped and asked to take a photo with him, Takumi realized his disguise wasn't as effective as he had hoped. He would just need to turn to his old stand by. Good thing he had gobs and gobs and gobs of money. (Did he mention he was rich?)
He pulled out his phone and dialed a number. "Oh yes, hello," he said after a moment, "I would like to hire you to clear every street I walk down." There was a pause. "Oh no. You need to clear them before my arrival… at least a quarter of a mile in front of me." Another pause. "Hummm…. That is tricky. Why don't you just anticipate where I will be heading and if in doubt clear the roads in all directions?" A silence, followed by, "Well yes, I suppose you can allow an occassional love rival to appear if it will enable me to demonstrate my God like physical prowess, but do keep it to a minimum." A smile fell over his face, "yes yes. Thank you so much. Goodbye."
Takumi was ready to begin his new role as stalker.
