Author's Note: This probably has nothing to do with any other story on here. Probably.
Again, these stories always wind up with Kings and Princes trying to take what's not theirs and force themselves upon helpless women.
Once, a very long time ago, there was a girl in a crystal coffin.
The circumstances of how she had come to be in the coffin were curious indeed, as she had once had an evil stepmother who had something of a grudge against the girl's unnatural beauty. The fact that the girl preferred women over men apparently had no influence over the fact that she was considered a threat to an older woman's nonexistent marriage.
The stepmother had, of course, tried to kill her rival three different times using three different means. First she had used a poisoned comb, which had caught in the girl's hair and of course knocked her unconscious. A troupe of passing dwarves were nice enough to pull out the comb while pawing her over, and she had immediately woken up and escaped their clutches. The next attempt had been an enchanted corset that laced itself so tight as to cut off the girl's air, and some hungry mice had freed the girl from that by chewing through the rather tasty leather of the corset-lacings. The third, successful time had been a poisoned apple, which, instead of killing the girl straight off from the sheer amount of poison in the bite, had lodged in her throat, accomplishing the same effect but leaving her unconscious instead of dead. After that, the stepmother (who had a funny sense of humor) arranged for the girl to be set up in the crystal coffin and buried, so she would be able to see the dirt pressing in around her should she ever awake. As luck would have it, however, a bird carrying a heavy millstone accidentally dropped its load atop the stepmother's head just as she was about to put spade to earth, and the stepmother was killed instantly. The girl was left in the coffin, alone and discarded.
As fate were wont to be, the fact that there was a sleeping, unaging, undecaying girl in a crystal coffin caused quite a stir in the Kingdom. She became a national oddity, one that brought visitors from miles around, and eventually the hubbub attracted the attention of the King, who happened to be childless, wifeless, and who also was generally known to be a greedy, miserly lecher.
He came to see the girl in the coffin, and immediately knew that he had to have her brought to the palace at once. After all, a female body that did not decay or resist his attentions was quite a boon!
But before he commanded his servants to pick up the coffin, he could not resist opening the lid and having a taste of her sweet, rosebud mouth.
His kiss proved to be just what the maiden needed to awake. At the feel of a man's mouth on her own, the girl vomited up the apple chunk straight into the mouth of her would-be-rapist.
As the King stared in astonishment, the girl climbed out of the coffin, eyed him with disgust, and flipped her hair.
"Fiend," she hissed. "What right have you to force your attentions on a woman?"
"I am the King," he said.
"And I am just a peasant," she said. "What do I care if you are the King?"
"I am the King of this land," he boasted.
"Not of my land," she said. "My King was named Narl."
"King Narl has been dead for fifty years," he said. "I am his grandson."
"If my King is dead, then I have no King."
"But all the fairy tales said that a girl rescued by a King or Prince--" he began desperately.
"Well, your fairy tales should really be updated," she said.
Leaving the dumbstruck lecherous King behind, she traipsed her way off into the forest to seek her fortune and possibly a pretty maiden or two elsewhere.
