It's been a along while since I wrote a real live fanfic, hasn't it? Well, I'm back, I suppose.
Now then, onto more important things. One- I cannot stress enough how many spoliers for KH2 this is going to have. It ought to number well into the millions, simply because, in typical Kayu fashion, I am writing what I beleive may have been running through the characters' minda during certain scenes of the game.
Two- There will be slash. Lots of it. Like tons. Because, honestly, if you've ever played Kingdom Hearts without wondering at least a little bit about the sexuality of at least one of the characters, then you are a crazy, craaaaaazy person. Besides, it is too much fun to have people like Sora torn between wanting Riku or Kairi.
Three- Kairi will be an acceptable human being. All too often I see Kairi being treated like dirt. That bugs me, because in my opinion, Kairi is awesome. And no where near as Mary Sure as people claim. Or as stupid. For the love of all that is sacred, she got her own damn Keyblade! Does that not prove to you she is worthy?
Four- Hmm, well, things can't have changed to much if I still need this thing. No. As much as I want to, I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any associated stuff, nor do I own very much at all. If I did though, you can bet that there would be plenty of changes.
Naminè
I Wonder Why...I Saved Her?
No heart. That's what defines us, isn't it? And it's what separates us, ironically, from the heartless. Because the heartless are nothing but a heart, and we are everything else that remains afterwards. The heartless feel nothing, and we shouldn't either, incomplete as we are, but we do still feel. Or at least, our minds tell us we can. Even for me, with no memories of my own life, my mind is still human and it still demands that I believe it when it says I can feel fear, or depression, joy or hatred, or most importantly, love.
Love. Defined solely by the heart, but contained within the soul and mind as well. Love is supposed to shudder endlessly through your whole being, but if you have no being then it obviously could not. For the lower Nobodies, this is true. They feel nothing, because the process of their bodies and souls being abandoned destroyed the minds they once had.
For the ones like myself, like Organization XIII, like Roxas, our minds are in tact, though where I am concerned, that could be debatable. However, I can still think freely, as can the rest of us, the highest order of the Nobodies. So, in that way, we do have beings, as the hall of the Organization's castle stated, we have the proof of our existence.
In that we are conscious, sentient, understanding, we are as alive as anyone. And yet, to be alive, you must have a heart. Is that not how they define it? Every living being has a heart. A doctrine I have heard countless times as the Superior begins building his own crazed Kingdom Hearts. He is the only one I doubt the liveliness of. His mind, I am certain, is not his own.
So, as conscious beings, it stands to reason that we would feel, does it not? It sounds perfectly sane, when you think of it through the eyes of a Nobody, because we know, though no others can, that those of us with minds are still alive. Incomplete, yes, but existent.
Axel was the first to show me that, as he endlessly struggled through his own plans while acting like he cared about those Marluxia had hatched. After that, Roxas showed me again that we were alive, for he abandoned the Organization. If we were truly numb and incapable of feeling, what reason would he have had to abandon it? There is no readily available logical explanation, the only possibility was that he felt that he had to go. Just as Axel felt the inexplicable desire to make him stay, along with interminable anger when he learned that Roxas had forgotten everything.
A mind can tell you when you should feel something, but it cannot actually make you feel it. So what, I am left to wonder, is that strange thing that lets me feel want, sadness, anxiety, the need for freedom and the overpowering depression at the knowledge that it will never come? Perhaps, in the absence of the heart of our other, we begin creating our own hearts. Those of us with minds strong enough to remember having them, at least.
Yet, we remain aware that we are not bearers of hearts, that we cannot be considered living. That we are nothing more than Nobodies.
For days now, they have kept my other trapped in a cage within the castle. Every time I see her, though I make certain I am never seen by any of them, the girl included, I can feel the want multiply a thousand fold, as well as the doubt, uncertainty, and the urge to believe that if I let myself become a part of her again, she will take what keeps me in this strange half existence, and leave me behind with nothing. Like any living being, I fear death with all my heart. And I do know, because of that, that a heart is held within me, whether it is the heart of another or not.
Today, however, that heart is speaking differently. Today I am led to believe that the message I gave to Roxas before we were separated was more than an attempt to finish my work for the Organization and buy my freedom from them. Maybe completion does await me at the hands of Kairi, rather complete oblivion.
So, today, I shall stand in the center of my little white room, and I shall thrust my hand before me like I have seen all Organization members do. I am as much a Nobody as them, and it is my birthright, if it can be called that, to have the ability to create the pathways using darkness that have so often been abused by them.
At first, I know nothing will happen, for I have tried before, in a futile attempt at my own escape. But this time, my heart will be in it, and in time the tendrils of pure blackness will bloom from the ground like so many of Marluxia's precious flowers, and I will step through a door of my own making to a destination I will choose.
Kairi's cage will come into my vision, and I will keep the gateway open. I will offer my other half the chance to follow me, and when I do, my destiny will lie in her hands alone. Instinct, from a mind alive, will battle and force away the inevitable as long as it can, but when the time comes my heart will be hers, and I will be... Well, who can say? I suppose that is why I am doing this now, putting my life in such risk. For they cannot kill me, even I cannot kill myself, only a Keyblade wielder can destroy me, just as is true of them. So, I would rather try for completion with the risk of oblivion than live in this half state another day.
The darkness blooms, such a contrast to my walls.
A hand with an island tan meets my own, pale from living a life of captivity.
Dark blue eyes, identical to my own, look up and me through hair so very different.
Then, as if mocking the dark doorway I pull her through, a light burns too brightly.
I will stay by her now, to help her fight those that chase us, but already I am being taken away.
I suppose I'm about to find out what happens when a Nobody becomes Somebody after all.
