Clue: The Mystery At Marni Manor

Written By Kenneth Hand

November 11, 2000

Here's part one of the Clue at Marni Manor saga. The characters are based on my friends, but you can still read the story and determine who killed whom.

Just to let you know, the character descriptions are as follows:
Ms. Scarlet (Kendra) is a slut;
Mrs. Peacock (Daina) is a proper old lady;
Mrs. White (Ann) is the French maid;
Mr. Green (Ken) is the business person;
Col. Mustard (Yoru/Ashley) is the military man;
Prof. Plum (Nick) is an absent-minded professor;
Mr. Boddy (Marni) is the one everyone's trying to kill.

On to the story!

To My Wonderful Guests:

You are cordially invited to a weekend at Marni Manor (my house, evil laugh) of watching Pokemon and killing each other. Yay.

Please come on Friday, ASAP.

Sincerely, Marni Boddy.

[At Marni Manor]

Ann White (the maid) was looking at her clothes, and couldn't stop laughing. She wore a little maid's cap, a French maid's dress, and clutched a feather duster in her right hand, which she kept swinging around since she was laughing so hard. Mrs. White sat on the couch, swinging her legs, really very hysterical.

Marni Boddy walked in, in her suit and tie, and demanded, "Ew! Why do _I_ have to be the man?"

Ann laughed even harder at this, and pointed at Marni with the feather duster. Marni grabbed the duster and bopped Ann lightly on the shoulder with it.

"How could that not have hurt? It was my best shot!" Marni squealed.

Suddenly, a horrific bonging rang through the mansion, that made Marni fall to the floor, which caused Ann to start laughing all over again, and fall with Marni to the floor. Marni gave Ann another bop with the feather duster.

"Remember, Ann, you're the maid, so get the door!" Marni sneered.

Ann gave Marni a dirty look and bashed her with the Lead Pipe. "Don't have a heart failure! I'm coming, I'm coming!"

Marni rubbed her head. "Ouch, now there's a bump in my already ugly hair!"

However, Ann White had already left the room to answer the door. She left the Lounge, beelined into the Hall, and threw open the door.

This sight caused her to fall to the floor in more hysterics.

There stood Daina Peacock, in an old lady's blue dress and an enormous Peacock-feathered 19th-
century hat. She threw the letter down at Ann. "Am I at the right address to watch Pokemon and kill Marni?" she asked, and fixed her hat.

Ann, still laughing, nodded, but couldn't seem to get up, so Daina walked right over her and into the Study.

"What the hell am I supposed to do here?" she asked.

[Someone offstage tells her just to wait there.]

Suddenly, the donging started again, Ann fell back to the floor in laughter, Daina grabbed a chair so she wouldn't collapse, and Marni toppled and smacked her head on the counter (she had gone to the Kitchen for a snack).

"It's the doorbell!" Ann cried.

She opened the door again, even though nobody had closed the door before, revealing Nick Plum, the absent-minded professor.

"What the fuck am I doing here?" he asked.

[Someone pushes him in. Ann screams.]

"Oh, Ann!" he began, really stressing the Ann part, after seeing her in the French maid's outfit. "Aren't you the sexy one?"

Ann screamed again and conked him on the head with the Lead Pipe, as she had Marni. Nick toppled to the floor.

"Oh, no, I killed you!" Ann told Nick's dead body as she dragged it into the empty broom closet.
Then she started laughing again, since the donging had started once more.

The door opened, and Kendra Kinkade stood there, in a scarlet dress and purple boa, holding a perfectly gay pink purse out in front of her. "I'm here to kill Marni!" she announced.

Ann, however, was on the floor laughing, so Kendra waltzed in over her face, and took a seat in the Ball Room.

The donging started again, and after Kendra finished shaking from the vibration of the doorbell, she screamed, "What the FUCK is WRONG with you people? Can't you get a FUCKING NORMAL DOORBELL?"

But Ann didn't hear any of it, since she was still in the Hall. Daina had left the Study via the secret passage, and was now in the Kitchen, stealing the Knife Marni had left behind. However,
she kept having to fix the enormous hat, since it kept falling over her face. Meanwhile, Marni was waltzing about in the Conservatory, cackling about how evil she thought she was.

Once more, the door opened, and there were the last two guests: Ken Green in a lovely green suit, and Yoru Mustard, in a yellow suit.

"Good day," Ann chimed, and threw herself down on the floor once more, realizing what she had just said. Ken sweatdropped.

"Wow, look at me, I'm a man," Yoru said to himself.

They came in, walked over the hysterical Ann, and entered the Conservatory, where Marni was.

Just then, Daina, Kendra, and Ann ran in, too.

"What's your rush?" Yoru asked.

Daina shrugged and laughed. "We forgot that we were supposed to come here!"

Marni cleared her voice, then said, "Welcome to Marni Manor. I'm Marni."

Ann gave her a dirty look. "No fucking way!"

Marni continued. "Tonight, we're going to watch Pokemon all night!"

Kendra protested. "In _this_ dress? I look like a model! We could at least have dinner first!"

Marni ignored Kendra and went on. "First, however, we should have a weapon check, since the goal of this evening IS to kill me."

"Oh, no!" Ken said with a fake shocked face, as he stole the Lead Pipe from Ann, "We wouldn't want to hurt our Marni!"

The rest of the guests shared the fake expression, and Marni sighed. "Even so, I _am_ the evilest."

"Like hell you are!" Yoru cried, searching the Conservatory for a weapon, but not finding one.

"I remember I left the Gun in the Ball Room. Was anyone there?"

"No!" Daina called, a little too sharply, and started laughing. Meanwhile, Ann was dusting the Conservatory plants in the background, and noticed the Rope lying on the table.

Ken sighed. "Look, Marni, nobody wants to watch Pokemon. Let's have some low fat salad for dinner!"

Suddenly, the lights went out.

Kendra screamed.

Ann laughed.

Yoru stole the Wrench from Marni.

Marni tried to calm everyone. "Please everyone, my electricity is bad because Ann keeps forgetting to send in the electric bill. Ann, try to find some candles!"

However, Ann started laughing about something, and couldn't hear. Marni, who was rushing frantically around the room, crashed into the wall. Without realizing it was a secret passage,
Marni was transferred to the Lounge, where she continued to think she was in the Conservatory.

"Hello?"

The pitch black offered no answer.

Meanwhile, Nick had recovered, and had lit the Candlestick in the Hall. He exited the room.

At the same time, in the Conservatory, chaos had broken out. Ann couldn't stop laughing, Yoru was trying to find candles, Kendra screamed about her makeup smearing, and Daina kept crashing into everyone. The unmentioned guest in the Conservatory stole Ann's weapon and exchanged it for their own, then left the Conservatory in the dark, in search for Marni.

Ann suddenly stopped laughing. The only guest left in the Conservatory with a blunt weapon had smacked her with it. Soon, thinking Ann had left the room, Daina tried to search for a weapon in the dark, but only succeded in leaving the Conservatory and unknowingly entering the Library.

Two guests now remained in the Conservatory.

Marni, who was pathetically pretending to cry and look for a way out, still believed she was in the Conservatory: though she had in fact made her way to the Dining Room.

Nick, who offered the only source of light, discovered Daina in the Library. Before he went in the room, he snuffed out the Candlestick, in preparation to bash her with it; though in doing this, he lost HIS light. After hearing the door open, Daina ran over and stabbed him, stole the Candlestick, lit it up again, and went in search of Marni.

Back in the Conservatory, Yoru, who was sick of hearing Kendra scream about her makeup, stole Kendra's weapon, threw her own to the floor, and snuck into the Ball Room, looking for Marni.
Upon arrival, she stubbed her toe on the piano bench, then ran her crotch into an end table.

"Shit, being a man really sucks!"

The lights suddenly turned on.

Everyone gasped when they realized that (except for two), they were all alone in respective rooms.

The lights went back out.

Nick and Ann regained consciousness, and found themselves together in the Conservatory. They both fainted.

Kendra suddenly went running without a weapon, crying about her makeup, and crashed into another guest in the Hall. This knocked the guest unconscious, which gave Kendra the chance to pick up his weapon.

"Whoops! Sorry, Ken!"

Marni, however, had left the Dining Room, which *cough*Ken was about to search had Kendra not ran into him*cough*, and ran across to the Kitchen, where she followed the secret passage to the Study. She then ran into the first room she had entered after leaving the Conservatory, where she started shaking, as if she had just kissed a woman.

Just then, the only guest with two weapons slammed the door of that room. When Marni heard, she tried to wrestle the guest, but only managed in getting the Knife off of them, and throwing it at the wall.

"Goodbye, Miss Muffet," said the guest, in a tone Marni didn't recognize.

With that, the guest used their other weapon to kill Marni.

WHO KILLED MARNI? WHERE? WITH WHAT?