"SHIT!"

Harry opened one groggy eye, woken by the curse.

"SHIT SHIT SHIT!"

Rubbing his eyes roughly, he sat up and jammed his glasses down onto his face. Hermione was always an early riser, but usually went out of her way to be quiet as not to disturb the other four residents of 12 Grimmauld place. He cursed her good naturedly, stood up, stretched, and went in search of her, securing the belt of his robe as he went. He found her in the kitchen, Daily Prophet in hand, pacing and chewing her lip. Harry grimaced when he realized the sun had yet to rise.

"SHIT!" she muttered again as she frantically paced and read.

Harry leaned against the frame, regarding his highly agitated friend. She wore capri sleep pants and an over sized sweatshirt, both rumpled from sleep. Her hair was gathered sloppily in a frizzy bun haphazardly balanced atop her head. Her feet were bare. And yet she was lovely.

"Master Harry," began Kreatcher scurrying over to him. Harry gazed down at him. "the Mistress Hermione is very upset. Very upset indeed!"

Harry smiled. "And why is that?"

Kreatcher shrugged helplessly and they stood together watching Hermione pace.

Hermione typically rose first each morning, before any of her roommates began to stir. Ginny usually wasn't too far behind, followed by Harry and Ron - both always looking decidedly rumpled and thoroughly disgruntled. Sirius was always the last to bed and the last to rise. He burned the the candle at both ends - much attributed to the fact that he had quite recently - and literally - cheated death.

Sirius, much to his surprise and Harry's delight, had mysteriously appeared in the department of mysteries nearly twelve months ago. No one could explain how he'd returned from the veil, and Sirius wasn't interested in answers. The way he saw it, he was here now - and now needed to be lived. He was fond of living life with reckless joy - spending his inheritance with startling generosity, drinking as if were young again, and chasing women the same. As far as Sirius was concerned, he had aged backward in the veil and he was quick to tout off that opinion to anyone that would listen. By his calculations, he was thirty four years young. In reality, though, he could have been anywhere between a backwards aged thirty four and forth four - depending on whether you believed one continued to age past death.

Recently, Harry had turned nineteen, joining Hermione and Ron on the cusp of adulthood. Ginny had just celebrated her eighteenth birthday, and amid violent protests from Molly had joined the Order of the Phoenix and moved into Grimmauld full time.

Grimmauld place still served as the official headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix. The last few years had seen a steady rise and membership for the Order and as a result the Order enjoyed a large number of high profile Death Eater captures. These captures, however, were usually released leading the Order to the conclusion that the Ministry had been infiltrated. Under that suspicion, the Order withdrew into secrecy and had been operating fully independent of the Ministry for two years now.

As a result of this level of secrecy, all members had been tattooed with an invisible phoenix feather that, when pressed, would warm and flutter alerting the member to the need for their presence. The fact that it resembled the Dark Mark, was a bit of humor not lost on it's members. They often joked about their "Light Marks".

Harry cleared his throat gently.

"Harry!" she cried dropping her hand holding the paper to her side. "You scared me half to death!"

Harry smiled and moved further into the kitchen. Kreatcher scampered around, banging pots, making coffee, and beginning the morning at Grimmauld.

"And to what horrific and heinous event do I owe this ungodly waking to?" Harry chuckled as he accepted a steaming mug from Kreatcher and held out his hand for the paper that Hermione was clutching.

"It's bad," she warned him but handed it over as they both sat down at the table.

"Oh!" Hermione moaned as Kreatcher set a mug beside her. "What are we going to do?!"

Harry smiled, patted her hand, and took a sip of coffee. Hermione, he thought, always had a way of overreacting to things. He took another gulp of the refreshingly bitter drink and snapped the paper open to read what she was fretting over. He promptly spat the coffee all over the paper.

"Oh," Hermione tutted as she flicked her wand to clear the mess.

Harry slammed the open paper down onto the table. "SHIT!"

"I know!" Hermione wailed.

Harry thrust back his sleeve of his robe and pressed his fingertip into the tiny outline of the phoenix feather tattooed at the pulse point of his wrist. Hermione absently itched the prickle of heat at her hair line beside her ear while she nervously awaited the arrival of the Order.

"SHIT!" Remus snapped as he slapped the paper back onto the table.

"I know!" Harry agreed, now pacing the same line Hermione had earlier.

Hermione sat quietly beside the fire chewing at her lip. The large kitchen of Grimmauld now held nearly sixty witches and wizards; all of whom were sitting in astounded silence. Those nearest the table were staring at the offending paper sullenly.

With a resigned sigh, Remus began to read the offensive article aloud:

The Ministry of Magic Announces The Marriage Act.

In an effort to keep the Wizarding population in good standing during these trying times, the Ministry of Magic has deemed it necessary for the greater good to revive the long since abandoned act of compelled marriage.

"We feel that is necessary to preserve our way of life," Rudy Farnakins, Minister of Magic, explains. "We are in a time of a grave population decrease. And the number of squibs is climbing at an alarming rate. We know that there will be some that will deplore this particular piece of legislation. I, however, reach out to their sense of Wizarding pride. If we don't take matters into our own hands, and quickly, wizards may well die out in this world."

That being said, he outlined the specifics for the Act that passed through Wizengamot unanimously two nights ago. They are as follows:

1. Any Witch or Wizard at or above the age of 18 and below the age of 50 for males and 45 for females whom is not currently married must do so within a timely manner.

2. A timely manner is 30 days from this date.

3. Purebloods can no longer marry within pureblood lines due to the increase of Squib births in closely related pureblood families.

4. Muggleborns are required to marry purebloods.

5. Half bloods may marry half bloods or purebloods but it must first be researched and approved by the Ministry to assure no relation.

6. Muggleborns are not permitted to marry other muggleborns or muggles.

7. Muggleborns currently married to either other muggleborns or muggles must register with the Ministry immediately.

7a. These couples must have already produced, or currently (within a year) produce offspring with magical abilities. If this requirement is not met, or you are in possession of a Squib, your marriage will be considered null and void and you will be expected to comply with this law in whole.

8. Any witch or wizard choosing not to participate in this act will be stripped of their wand, tried, and sentenced accordingly; up to, and including, the Dementor's Kiss.

The silence was deafening when he finished. It stretched on for a long moment before the kitchen erupted in outraged noise.

"Alright," Remus yelled over the lamenting. "Who here falls into this law?"

Roughly thirty hands shot into the air amid raucous protests and passionate declarations of war, including four occupants of Grimmauld. Ron kept his hand firmly down and looked rather sheepish. Remus groaned and Minerva bristled.

"This is an outrage!" Minerva sniffed.

Hermione laid her head on the table, breathing deeply to quell the rolling waves of nausea careening around her stomach. She felt Minerva place a calming hand on her back and heard the whispers of a nausea reducing spell. She felt immediately better, and squeezed the witch's hand in a silent thanks without lifting her head from the table. Remus conjured a piece of parchment and quill. He told anyone affected by the law to sign the parchment, write the name of any person they were currently courting, and whether or not the law could work with that particular person.

Ginny signed her name next to Harry's with a smirk. "I want a big diamond." she whispered to him as she slid the paper to Hermione with an immediately sympathetic look.

She signed her name, left the rest blank, glanced down the sheet and saw that there was not a soul on the list she'd consider marrying under normal circumstances, let alone under the current conditions. With a sigh, and a filthy string of quietly muttered words, she slid it to Remus. He looked down the list with apprehension.

"Alright, a lot of you this works out for. There's about sixteen or so whom it doesn't." He paused and glanced at Minerva who nodded stiffly. "I purpose, for those few, that we arrange the marriages to keep it inside the Order."

And uneasy ripple of unease went through the crowd. But Remus called for a vote, they voted, and that was how Hermione Jean Granger learned she was to be married off to someone in the Order.

"Oh Remus," Hermione wailed. The kitchen was blissfully empty; only the house's residents and Remus were present. "what in the bloody hell am I going to do?" She was pacing a track in the kitchen floor.

Remus scowled at the parchment in front of him. "Bloody Ministry, trying to control and monitor everything." he muttered angrily.

Harry, Ginny, and Ron were seated at the table with Remus; Sirius was leaning against the sink. Ron was staring at the table sullenly.

"I'm real sorry, Hermione." he whispered huskily.

"Oh, shut up, Ronald. Bloody lot of good that's gonna do me!" Hermione snapped, not breaking her pace.

Ron looked severely chided and returned to studying the table.

Ron had married four months earlier - while he was still dating Hermione. He'd been on assignment in the States, had consumed far too much muggle liquor, and had ended up wed to some witch by the name of Valerie. Her family had gone into hiding a week later, and he hadn't heard from or been able to contact her since. Ron couldn't even recall exactly what the girl had looked like and Hermione had voraciously and loudly declared her a toad upon Ron's return and subsequent confession. There had been screaming and crying - and spells aimed at Ron. Her heart had been shattered into a million tiny pieces - shards so small that Hermione was sure she'd never glue them back together again.

Ron had been rightly and properly shunned by the occupants of the house and had even earned a black eye - compliments of Harry. Ginny had back handed him with a shocking amount of force for her pixie like frame, and Hermione had raged - and then wept - making Ron feel like the worst sort of person. In an uncharacteristic, and unexpected, move - Sirius had thrown Ron out of the house.

And he had left, scared off by Sirius' quite real threats of black magic and bodily harm.

He had returned two weeks later, to quite a chilly reception. Harry was the only person to talk to him upon his return and Ginny had just begun giving him single syllable answers. Hermione avoided him at all costs and Sirius treated him as if he didn't exist. It was eerie the way Sirius looked through him.

She was changed. She had become a different person. She was colder, more cynical. She trusted less. She detached more. Everyone noticed it. Harry weathered her dark moods best; showering her with unconditional love when she was at her worst and giving her the space she needed to heal. Ginny treated her like a broken doll - at a loss of how to help. Sirius treated her as if nothing had happened. He treated her as he always had - with humor and kindness - and she was eternally grateful for that. It made her feel normal. Even Kreatcher was kind to her...as kind as Kreatcher could be.

The Ministry did not grant divorces based on abandonment, and so Valerie being an American pureblood exempted Ron from the act and sacrificed Hermione. Hermione was sure that she would murder her if they ever met.

"What about Fred or George?" Hermione asked tightly.

"No good," Ginny said sadly. "Mum got an owl from them last week, remember? They've married a set of Yugoslavian twins Carina and Carissa."

Hermione flung herself down at the table beside Harry and snatched the parchment from Remus. She looked down the list of names and knew there wasn't one she'd consider marrying. She moaned and flung the paper back at him dropping her head to the table, producing a crack that made Ginny cringe.

"How 'bout me love?"

Hermione snapped her head up. "Excuse me?"

"I need me a wife, and you're just about as good as I can get." Sirius purred.

Hermione stared, her jaw hanging open. Harry was staring as well, Ginny blushing, and Ron had gone a bit pink around the ears. Sirius pushed off the counter and sauntered over. He picked up the parchment and scanned the list. "And looks like I'm about as good as you're gonna get off that list there."

"I…um," Hermione stuttered looking toward Harry helplessly.

Harry cleared his throat. "Erm, Sirius, I don't think that's,"

"I think it's a bloody fantastic idea!" cried Remus suddenly.

Five heads swiveled his direction instantly. "You do?" rang the chorus.

"Of course!" Remus roared, rising and slapping Sirius on the back heartily. "There's no one better suited! Hermione will never want for anything, he's as pure of a pure blood as they come, she'll always be well protected, it's brilliant!"

Sirius smiled at Hermione whom had managed to close her mouth. She glanced at the parchment again and seeing no other option, Hermione agreed to marry Sirius Black with a shrug and tiny nod.

Awhile later the others stole away to leave Hermione and Sirius to iron out the fine details. They were silent at first, both drinking fire whiskey - neat - and studying each other.

"So, I'd reckon we'd best head down to the ministry tomorrow and file for a wedding license." Sirius said finally breaking the silence.

Hermione nodded silently; her head was spinning and she downed a deep gulp for courage.

Sirius grinned. "And then I'm thinking a big to do in the gardens? A couple hundred people, flowers, food, the whole nine yards!" he gushed.

Hermione stared in open mouthed horror, her glass suspended between her lips and the table. Sirius chuckled. "I'm kidding, Hermione. Twenty four hours after we file for the license we can have a tiny little civil ceremony at the ministry and then back here, to our separate rooms, and separate lives. It's a piece of paper, relax."

Hermione, despite herself, began to cry.

"Oh," Sirius said sitting up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tease. Oh don't cry Hermione!" He rose and settled back down next to her, patting her awkwardly on the shoulder. "What's the matter?"

"I…I always wanted a big wedding with a white gown, and roses, and dancing, and my whole family," she wept, dragging her sleeve across her face sloppily.

"Oh, erm, we could do that then." Sirius said uneasily, unsure of how to handle the blubbering woman before him. He would do anything to stop her tears. Crying women were his weakness.

"To the man I loved!" she wailed, folding her arms on the table and burying her face in the crook of her elbow.

"Ohhh," Sirius withdrew his hand and stood. "I'm gonna, I mean, I'll go get, ah, Ginny for you."

He hurried from the kitchen as if Hell were on his heels and found the rest of them in the sitting room whispering about the upcoming nuptials. He flopped down in the nearest empty chair and raked his hands through his tousled hair with an apologetic look. "So," he began glancing at Ginny. "you'll find my child bride in the kitchen. Weeping. Because she hates me."

Ginny grimaced and hurried from the room, giving Sirius a reassuring pat on the shoulder on her way out. Sirius conjured a large tumbler of fire whiskey and downed it in one gulp. He let out a breath and addressed the three sets of eyes on him. "Here's to happily ever after." he said miserably, lifting his empty glass.