A/N~ So here's a new story that has some very special meaning to me. This story is a combination of me and one of my best friends' experiences. It's stuff that we are going through and went through before. I'm not saying which parts are mine or which are hers, all you need to know is that this story is my outlet; for me and her…
~Written on these walls are the colors that I can't change~
Why has this been brought upon me? Was I that bad of a child when growing up? What did I do that caused this karma to come into my life?
All this time I've been trying to create this image for myself, only to have it shattered by the Hollywood cameras and untrue rumors. All these things happen for a reason I guess, but it doesn't make it any easier.
They all may be thinking I don't care because of how I act around them, but what they don't know is it that all of my supercilious comments and actions are only cause of a wall I've built around myself.
They all think they know me so well, but they truly don't anymore. That's why I'm here at a random bar, far from everyone; drinking the night away. I could normally tolerate all of the hateful and destructive criticism, but today I heard a comment that just struck a chord in me. It all played out like this…
Earlier Today~
I just finished reading an article on Big Time Rush and that's why I was currently in my room. As I sat there I reread what they said about me over and over and over again until it hurt to read anymore.
'As we all know, James Diamond, the fourth member of BTR, is truly a player. He has been caught many times in the act of flirting with several women. It's no surprise that the pretty boy of the group is such a manwhore. Not only that, but he is so self-absorbed that he carries around a mirror just to stare at his own reflection, talk about arrogant! I'm sure all it takes is a flirty look and you already have this BTR member in the bag.'
This is outrageous! I can't believe they even allowed this to be published! I know that all of that isn't true, but it doesn't stop others from believing it. I now know it's too late to change their view of me; they painted me with one color that I can't change, and that's something that I have to live with for the rest of my famous life. At least I know that those close to me know my true variety of colors, not just the demeaning color that Hollywood paints me in.
It numbed the pain a bit, knowing his, but it didn't stop me from adding another brick to my wall. It wouldn't be very 'arrogant' of me to cry about this sort of thing. How exactly? I have no clue, considering I am a human after all. It would be like I was a robot, a robot on a battlefield.
They examined all my features and personality, that's how they were able to write a story on me. The funny thing is, nothing on that article was the tinniest bit close to the truth, except of course, the fact that I always carry my mirror around; me having different reasoning for it than the article stated.
My reasoning has been kept a secret to everyone, not even my closest of friends, Logan Carlos…or Kendall, know about why I carry that mirror around. Granted, Kendall knows some stuff that the other two don't, but he still hasn't been able to break down my walls.
He's been trying forever to come in like a wrecking ball and break the walls down, but I know he'll never be able to accomplish that; he had already wrecked me in a different way. My walls are made of steel and bricks; he can't and won't get in. There is one way, but I know it's ridiculous of me to even imagine that…
Getting back on topic, the point is, that article was total and utter bullshit. I would say so, but I know it won't change anything. And it's not like I can prove them wrong because I do flirt a bit, but there is difference between flirting with a girl…and fucking her.
I'm about to go show the guys the article when I hear a comment about me being said. Apparently they didn't know I was listening because they just continued, like it was a normal everyday conversation.
"Hey, you know who I saw the other day flirting with Jo?" Carlos said. I'm guessing he was talking to Kendall considering that was his girlfriend.
"No way! Who?" Kendall said, looking annoyed and overprotective. Carlos looked a bit hesitant, but said the name anyways.
"James" Carlos said in a weaker voice, like he knew Kendall would scream at him; deny it and say it was all a misunderstanding, which it totally was.
"Impossible, James isn't like that" Kendall said, immediately defending me' something I'm relieved he did.
"Trust me Kendall it's true, I was there with Carlos" Logan said next. I couldn't believe the lies they were telling Kendall. Did they really think that low of me to say that I was purposefully trying to hit on Kendall's girl?
"I can't believe he would do that. I guess he really is a slut after all." That's what struck a cord in me that couldn't be stopped. My mouth was gaped at what I just heard. My own best friend doubting me; calling me a slut when he knows how much I hate that word.
My body couldn't find the strength to move so it had to stay there while more comments were being made about how much of a 'slut' and 'manwhore' I am, all by my so called 'brothers'.
I told my mind 'say something, anything', but it would reject the command. It wanted to torture me for whatever reason, so it just stood there, continuing to let my ears hear all thee, these spiteful comments.
After the shock of all this commotion was gone, I blinked and suddenly my legs started to walk without my permission. I didn't know where I was headed; my mind had a route set for itself. I grabbed my keys, jacket, phone and headed out the door; not looking back for once.
I carefully made my way out; not wanting to alert them about my goodbye or that I had heard their conversation. The last thing I needed at this moment was an apology or a punch from Kendall because I supposedly hit on his girlfriend.
I made my way through the lobby after exiting the elevator, getting a few flirty looks along the way; both guys and girls, but I didn't pay attention to them. Once I was out of Palm Woods I went straight to the parking lot and got in the BTR Vehicle, destination being unknown.
~In Present Time~
As all these images play back in my mind I began to drink more and more. I would do anything to stop all these memories that are haunting me. Not only do I have to deal with old memories and scars, but now these new ones that won't and can't be changed.
I know that it's my entire fault, me being alone with all these scratches and scars, but it's not like anyone would care. If anything, today's events just proved that. They would believe anything that came out of anyone else's mouth without even coming to me for confirmation.
That's the story of my life right there. No one has ever come to me for the truth, though why would they when I've been lying to them since I first met them. No that they know that, but I'm pretty sure they've had their doubts.
People just think they know me by first glance. I'm the pretty boy who plays with a girls heart then moves on to the next; the flirt of the town. They don't know why I flirt, hell they don't even care.
But I do. I know why I flirt. I know why I move on to the next in a snap of the fingers. They don't know the story of my life like they think they do. They don't know that it's all for my own good, my safety. I do it to be able to build up my armor for one unique person. Just to make sure that it never happens again.
I do it for protection on my heart and body…
~The End
So I want to know what you guys think. Should I continue this story or not? Is it worth continuing? Or is it boring. Let me know your thoughts in a review if possible. Until next time…
