Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, places, or anything really in this story. They all belong to Lemony Snicket and Daniel Handler.

Dear Reader, If you are seeking some pleasant reading material then I suggest you find some other story. This fanfic is full of misery and woe. If you prefer a happy tale then you should press the red X at the top right of your computer screen and go pick out a book called The Littlest Elf. Then you will not have to experience the dreadful contents of this story such as large cardboard boxes, iron handcuffs, an author on the run and a woman named Beatrice. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Lemony looked up from the typewriter he had been using for the last several hours. His eyes and fingers ached badly and his body screamed for sleep. But he knew this could be his last chance to finish the woeful tale he was writing.

In his numerous travels Lemony had learned many important things. He had learned why you should never give a Luna Moth a bath. He had learned why manholes were round. But one of the most important things he had learned was to pack light, because you never knew when the police could find you.

A typewriter is not a sensible thing to put in a suitcase, because it is very heavy and hard to carry; therefore Lemony usually only had a pencil and a pad of paper to write down his research. Lemony highly valued this rare opportunity to use a typewriter. He could finally finish his book about Count Olaf's treachery and send it to his editor.

Just the thought of more people reading about the terrible trials of the poor Baudelaire orphans made Lemony shiver. But of course it was necessary for Lemony to clear his name, and he knew he owed it to Beatrice…

A loud THUMP jolted Lemony awake. He had fallen asleep while drifting in his thoughts. Should I make a run for it, Lemony thought frantically. He ripped the half-typed paper from the typewriter and jumped up.

The room was full of boxes; shipments of typewriters to be sent out to warehouses everywhere. Lemony catapulted himself behind a large pile of them just before a short woman wearing a navy blue uniform walked into the room, her high heels clicking on the concrete floor. She glanced around, then walked away muttering about thumping noises and low pay.

Lemony let out a loud sigh of relief. That was close! He was very lucky that the woman didn't see Lemony's hat perched upon the chair he had been sitting at. Wait! The woman had said something about thumping noises. That meant she hadn't caused it. And that meant…

THUMP! A large box fell on the concrete floor, inches from Lemony. He whipped around and jumped out of the way just before another box fell. Who else was in the room and why were they trying to trap him under a box?

Suddenly boxes were falling left and right, an expression which when used here means, "very close to Lemony Snicket's head". He ran back and forth dodging them, but Lemony knew he couldn't keep it up forever.

As a large box with a particularly heavy Platinum 500 typewriter inside of it fell, Lemony's strength gave out and he collapsed under it. The force of the impact took the wind out of him, and the edges of his vision began to blur. Just before Lemony blacked out, he saw a tall figure walk over to him. Lemony was at eye level with the person's ankle, and he could see a tattoo of an eye etched upon it.

Very exciting, isn't it? This is my first fanfic so please go easy on me. I'm not really sure if I should continue this story or not. Maybe if I got some opinions in all those REVIEWS (cough cough) I get, I'll think about it. This is an early Christmas present for PearlGirl! Hope you like it! REVIEW REVIEW! Merry Chrismahaunikwanziday!