A Storm
It was raining. That was the first thought that entered my mind when I regained my bearings.
I'd just woken up from what felt like a rather shocking dream. I simply lied there for a minute after being forced back into reality, trying to recall all of the details, and why I was so frightened. At first, all I could remember was a black void. As I allowed my mind to relax, however, the details became more prevalent.
I could see the Gems and Steven, or at least body representations of them. Each of them were only one color though. Pearls shape was a very light blue color, Garnet was a shade of orange, Amethyst was a very dark red, and Steven... was grey.
Then, beside me, I saw Her. Like the others, she was completely one color. In this case, she was a shade of green. She held a stance as if ready to attack. I tried to say something, but my words wouldn't form. Almost like I didn't have a mouth.
As I tried to talk, the form that represented Amethyst attacked, catching me off guard. But She defended me. She took hold of the whip, pulling to get Amethyst in closer. It just turned into a big game of tug of war.
While this happened, Garnets shape came up to me, grabbing my arm. It tried pulling me away from the fight... away from Her.
She turned to us, noticing that I was being pulled away. With one heft of her arm, she pulled Amethyst, sending the red blob flying. She then proceeded to charge towards the two us, knocking Garnet off me.
Before She even had a chance to do anything else, a red whip wrapped itself around her neck, and she began struggling to get loose. I looked to see the red Amethyst rear up the whip, and slam it down, causing an energy wave to pass through it.
Before I could see it make contact, I felt something grab my arm again. I looked to see the orange Garnet trying to pull me away again. I struggled for a bit, eventually breaking her grip. I turned back, only to see Her and the Amethyst fighting once more.
My eyes drifted over to the light blue Pearl. She had a very nervous posture, and her head kept moving around, as if looking at all of us, wondering what to do. I then looked over at the Grey Steven... and he hadn't moved.
I lingered on him for some time. There was nothing that felt right about this at all, but he just seemed more eerie then the rest of them.
It's hard to tell how long I stayed staring at him, but when I came back to my senses, I noticed that everyone else was gone. I spun around several times, wondering where they went. After giving up trying to find them, I turned back to the grey representation of my son.
As I looked back at him, his color started to change. From grey, to white, to black, to brown, and it just kept going. The colors kept changing, getting fast with every shift. It was getting to the point where the shape didn't even represent Steven anymore. It was shifting.
It became bigger, taking on a different shape all together. As the colors kept changing, the body and limbs became clear... and that's when my heart sank.
I knew who it was... and I wasn't ready to face it. But it was happening, and there was no way I could stop it.
The rainbow being finally finished changing, taking on her face. When she looked at me, I wanted to look away. I wanted to run, scream, cover my eyes, or do anything to try and stop this.
I didn't want to see Rose like this.
Thankfully I didn't have to. For my dream ended, and I was thrust back into the real world.
I sat up in my bed, hearing the raindrops rhythmically tapping against the roof of the van. I looked to my left, finally noticing that She was in fact still there. She had her back to me, so I couldn't tell if I'd woken her up. I waited a minute to see if she would roll over and check on me, but she didn't.
I turned away, thinking she was still asleep. I let out a soft sigh, trying to calm myself down. It wasn't the first time that I'd had a dream like that, but it never failed to get to me the same way each time. So far, I've been able to avoid having to talk about it to anyone. Keeping it to myself, making sure never to wake Her up when they did happen.
To this day, I still sometimes find it hard to believe that we became something. Against all odds, against what others might have thought, we made it work. It wasn't easy at all, and there are times when both of us thought of giving up. She never said that to me out loud, but she didn't need to. As much as she tried to control herself, she always wore her emotions on her sleeves.
No one can tell you how things will work in a relationship. As the saying goes; love is blind. But some still think that our love was based off of lack of understanding each other. Just looking for a way to fill some sort of void, a small detail that made us similar in a way. Something we could work off, but have nothing else in common.
I may be a dope, but I'm not stupid. I know She isn't Rose.
My mind went back to the dream when I thought that. How agonizing it was just to look at her, or anything like her for that matter. Even after all these years, it still hurts.
I looked over to the small row of pictures I had. I found the one of Rose and me, and picked it up. As I looked at her, the pain came back. My eyes became cloudy as all our memories flooded my mind. All this time had passed, and I still can't move past the hurt. I let my life become stagnant because I didn't know what to do without her.
I sniffled a bit, trying to keep myself quiet... but I couldn't help myself.
I hated doing this to myself. I hated having to go back and try to reconcile with both my feelings and others. It all hurt so much, and I just didn't want anything to do with it. I wasn't tying to get better, because that means I'd have to face everything again.
I'd have to go to the Gems, tell them how sorry I am again, and hope that this time around we could actually work something out. But I knew that some of them weren't going to forgive me. I know Garnet already did, but the other two are a different story entirely. Amethyst tries to use me as a replacement when I try to do anything with her, and Pearl... I know she's never going to forgive me.
I put the picture back knowing that, if I kept looking at it while thinking like this, I was going to break down again. She'd never seen me in this state, and I didn't have any intention of ever letting her.
That's when my thoughts drifted into a terrible area.
I started thinking about how all of them reacted when I told them about... us. Steven was the only one who showed any sign of support to me. Pearl seemed oddly neutral towards it, but Garnet and Amethyst... to say they weren't happy would be the understatement of all earth's history. I think Garnet was just worried about me more than anything else, but Amethyst straight hated the idea of it.
And all that did was make me think of how Rose would feel. Everyone tells she would be happy, but would she really?
I started to sob quietly, thinking of what Rose would say. Would she be happy that I found someone else, or would she hate who I chose? Would she actually want me to move on, would she be disappointed by what I've let myself become, would she really still see me the same way?
My thoughts were broken when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked, only to see that Jasper had woken up.
Turning away, I didn't say anything at first, as I was trying to get my composure back. I knew it was useless at this point, but I wanted to try and save as much face as possible. Once I was finished, I finally looked at her.
Her hair was a little bit of a mess, and she had a somewhat tired look in her eye. I always thought that was strange, considering they didn't need to sleep, but still somehow managed to look tired. That isn't what caught my attention the most though. There was something about the way she was looking at me that was... I don't know, strange... for her at least.
It was never like her to express her feelings with her face, but I swear that I saw a look of concern... and worry.
I tried to think of something to say, to make up some sort of excuse, but nothing came. It didn't matter though, because she didn't give me time to respond.
With her hand still on my shoulder, Jasper pulled me down so that I was laying on my side. Before I could question what she was doing, she put her hand on the back of my head, and pulled me in so that our foreheads and noses were touching.
I was pretty familiar with this at this point in our lives. Jasper only ever did this when she wanted to talk to me seriously. The first time she did it, it was quite shocking, to say the least. It was almost like her ritual of trust or something.
I looked her in the eyes, our way of letting her know that I was listening. But, rather then starting a conversation, she slowly closed her eyes, and leaned into me. Needless to say, this left me very confused. Why would she do this if she didn't want to talk?
For a while we just laid there, not saying anything. I decided to follow her lead, closing my eyes as well. It was strange, but I felt safe. Almost like her strength was radiating into me, making me feel very calm. Like I was at peace with myself so long as she was right there.
I didn't know how, but I didn't care. She was somehow making everything feel alright, even if it wasn't.
I leaned my head into hers, a small smile appearing on my face. After feeling me do this, she moved her hand from my head. I took a chance and opened my eyes, only to be met by her doing the same exact thing. I looked her dead in the eyes, and could see a strong feeling of contentment... of peace. Something that I don't always get to see from her.
I decided to take a big risk.
I reached up my hand and put it on her cheek. She averted her gaze for a moment to look, but quickly returned her eyes to me. I leaned in further, twisting my head slightly and closing my eyes... then our lips met.
A lot of times when I try to kiss her, Jasper will usually do something to try and stop me just because she knows it annoys me. So usually, I have to trick her into it, or find a way to be quick. So, I was afraid that she might do the same thing... but she didn't.
She not only accepted, but she even returned it.
We stayed like that for a few seconds before separating. After we pulled apart, we looked back into each others eyes. I saw the faintest of smiles come to her face, and I returned it. Both us closed our eyes once more, and rested our foreheads against each other.
I began to feel sleepiness creeping up as I felt one of Jasper's arms wrap around me. I hadn't felt this calm in many years. Were my problems still there? Yes. Would I still have to face them at some point? More than likely. But at that moment, it didn't matter. All I cared about then... was her.
Without saying anything, she took so much of a burden off of my shoulders. Without a word, she made me realize all over again why I fell for her in the first place. She relied more on her actions then her words.
I know now for a fact that Rose would want this. She would want me to keep going, to find love again. No matter where it might come from, so long as it was good for the both of us. And I know she would be happy that I was able to give someone else the love that we were able to have together.
There will always be a piece of me missing without Rose. Nothing is ever going to take her place... But I know she would want, not just me, but everyone to be happy. As strange as it is, Jasper and I are happy together. It may not have started out that way, but we made it work. We may not always agree on things, but we always find a way to work it out.
Jasper might be new to the concept of a relationship like this, but I'm glad that I'm the one who gets to share this experience with her. And, even if she doesn't say it, I know she feels the same way.
I continued to listen to the soft thumps of the rain on the roof, letting it slowly lull me to sleep. I felt Jasper's arm tighten around me, and I smiled. I will have to face my past eventually but, with her here, I have a feeling it will be a bit easier. It may be strange, it may even be wrong to some, but all that matters is how we feel for each other.
It's everyones right to be loved.
