It Sucks

Ch 1

The unexpected Visitors

Everything was fine at the swamp but soon there would be trouble… Fiona then heard yelling. A group of hunters had captured two odd humans. She had to take action. She then kicked their butts. The humans watched as the hunters ran off crying. "Who is that sire?" the short one asked the other one. "I don't know Baldrick. Just relax and we'll be back home soon." The other one told him. Fiona then approached them. "Hello. I'm Fiona. Are you okay?" she said to them. Baldrick was staring at her oddly. "I'm Sir Edmund Blackadder and this short fellow is my buffoon Baldrick. What is this place we're in?" Edmund said to her. "The forest in Duloc." She told him.

Edmund looked shocked at this. "We're not in England anymore." Baldrick said, eyes wide open. "I've got an idea. Come home with me. I'm sure my husband won't mind. Come on!" she told them. They then followed her to the swamp. Edmund was a little unimpressed. "This is where you and your husband live? Don't you live in a palace or something?" Edmund asked her rudely. "Yes it is. It may not look attractive but it has more to offer than you think." Fiona told him. Baldrick then looked through the window. Shrek was in the kitchen cooking something on skewers. Edmund was a little worried. "Are you sure it's safe? What if he's vicious?" Baldrick asked nervously. "Don't worry about my husband. He may look tough but really he's nice. You'll see." Fiona explained.

Suddenly Puss jumped out of a nearby tree and unsheathed his sword. "Get away from her hunters! This ogre ain't yours!" he hissed as he started attacking Baldrick. Fiona was a little shocked. "Puss stop! They're okay! They're lost and I'm just trying to help them." She told him fiercely. He then realised his error and got off Baldrick. "Sorry senorita." He said to her. But then Edmund freaked out as Fiona's husband showed up and fainted…

"This isn't good!" Baldrick said as he started screaming like a maniac. Shrek didn't understand what was wrong with this guy. "Hey honey why're these guys in the swamp? Did they try to hurt you?" he asked her. "No they didn't. They're not from around here. They're sort of lost and needed help. Is that okay if they stay?" she explained to him.

"Fine but they better not be weird." He said as he put Edmund over his shoulder and went inside the house. Baldrick followed him. He didn't know what was going on but he hoped they could go home… He then saw Donkey sit up at seeing the strangers. "Who're they? Are they gonna stay? Huh Shrek?" he said excitedly. Fiona laughed at this. "We really don't know Donkey. They're lost and a little freaked. Besides they might not want to stay." she said calmly. Baldrick was amazed. "Can he talk?" he asked. "Oh yeah. The hard thing is to shut him up. He talks constanly and bugs me." Shrek said to him. Fiona then saw Edmund begin to come around. "Don't hurt me!" he said as Shrek came near him. "Take it easy! I'm not gonna hurt ya! You look like you had a rough day. At least it'll get better." he said to him.

Edmund smiled at that. "Yeah you're right. I have had a hard day. I'm just worried. This world is too odd for me and Balders." he told him. Fiona watched as her husband poured Edmund a cold beer. "This'll help." he told him. He let out a huge burp and they laughed loudly. "How did you get here anyway?" Donkey asked him. "I'll tell you everything." he said as he sipped some more...