Without you, I feel torn, like a sail in a storm
I stood in the sand, wind and rain pounding against my face and I was stuck there, a brick wall in the middle of a storm. Tears were running down my face but anyone looking wouldn't notice. Not that anyone would even dare come out in this kind of weather. I'd kind of just walked here unconsciously… Well not fully unconscious. Sebastian had led me here. Not him personally of course. He was here, he always was and if I looked hard enough I could see him standing there in front of me, a smile on his face as he told me that everything would be okay even though I knew that day three years ago that nothing ever would be again. I could still imagine everything as clear as it had been yesterday. In fact it was the was the same setting as today.
"Sebby why are we here? Maybe we should go home, its getting cold."
"Ciel I'm sorry… But there's nothing left for us anymore…"
"What?"
"We don't belong together… You're so pure and precious and I'm.. Well I'm none of that Ciel."
"But I don't care about that! I never have!"
"You may not not now but you will eventually…You're only thirteen Ciel..."
"Sebastian listen to me! I won't!" Shaking his head he ignored my pleas.
"I'm sorry Ciel, nothing's going to change the fact that we don't belong together. One of these days I'm bound to hurt you and I deal with the thought of that." Before I could say anything he cupped my chin and kissed me for the last time then turned around and walked away, leaving me stuck there with absolutely no hope in the world.
I guess I was too young to understand anything then, but not once have I ever regretted loving him, not even during the six years that I've spent wondering why in the the world he left me. I can still remember the days spent after that storming around tearing apart our house and screaming about how if he didn't want to hurt me he shouldn't have left me. Thinking back on that I chuckled to myself. God I was a little brat when I was little. Closing my eyes I took a deep breath and realized that I was beginning to shiver.
"Ciel?" Jumping, I turned around to face my best of friends.
"Alois?"
"Jesus Ciel what the fuck are you doing out in this weather?" I laughed in spite of myself.
"I could ask you the same thing."
"I was out here looking for you you dumbass."
"How'd you know I was even gone?"
"I called you and you didn't answer, I went to your house and you weren't there."
"I could have easily just been asleep."
"I kinda went into your house as well… I just wanted to make sure you weren't dead or anything." I laughed again and looked at him.
"Dead?" He glared at me.
"It was a total possibility! Sorry for being worried about you!"
"Sorry I didn't realize you actually cared." He walked forward, a sad look on his face then smacked me upside the head.
"Don't be a smartass, you're lucky I even came out here."
"Oh yes I forgot, deepest regards from you means something real big." He laughed and grabbed my arm.
"Come on we should get you home." Pulling back slightly I looked at him.
"Just a bit longer? I like the water when it looks like this." He rolled his eyes.
"Yeah yeah, whatever." Nodding, I turned back around and looked out at the water. By now the rain had stopped and the stars were reflecting off the water, looking like a thousand little broken crystals scattered over a satin black sheet. The moon looking like one big cream tinted stone in the middle of all of it just completing the beauty.
"Quite the sight…" I heard Alois whisper softly and I nodded then turned towards him.
"Yeah, we should probably get going home now." Smiling, he grabbed my hand and began to walk back to my house. The last time I looked back before we reached the top I saw Sebastian standing there, his hand reaching out towards me, a torn expression on his face but instead of stopping I just turned back around and kept walking.
