An Exploration in Writer's Block
Richard Castle brings his head to his hands and lets out a slow, agonizing moan. This is not how this evening was supposed to go. He lifts his head back up and stares at the blank white screen on his computer. Three more chapters of Nikki Heat are due in the morning, and Rick has nothing. Zip. Nada.
He turns to look at the clock. Just after midnight, and only another 8 hours left before the deadline. This will not do. But it's not like this is the first time Richard Castle has writer's block. Only problem is, the writer's block is brought on by more than an inability to write. Richard knows exactly what is bringing it on. Or, to be more specific, who is bringing it on. And he definitely knows what three words said detective fails to remember.
Rick can write three chapters in seven hours. He's done it in less before. And maybe an hour off, a change of pace, will bring his mind back into the Nikki Heat setting as opposed to the Detective Kate Beckett setting. Thus, after grabbing a third cup of coffee, Rick does what he often does when the writer's block hits – check out the Richard Castle fanfiction forums.
He opens the page and begins scrolling, hoping to find something worthwhile to read, something to take his mind off of Kate's beautiful hair, or the way she looks when she smiles, or the sound of her laugh, or the scent of cherries… No. Richard Castle does not pine over hard-ass detectives. Richard Castle is a writer, and he just needs a little more inspiration.
The first story that catches his eye is a Storm story, an AU where the protagonist lives but is paralyzed. However, after the first paragraph of said story messes up the proper uses of "there" and "their", Richard quickly closes the page.
He keeps scrolling, looking at descriptions over titles and authors. Eventually, one is found that looks very intriguing. "But you have a kid. And a family. And I don't know where I fit with that." "Detective, you've always fit." She smiles up at the novelist through her hair, biting her bottom lip. "I think I'm ready. But will you be able to catch me if I fall?" "Always."
Just the way the description is written, the specific words chosen, they all intrigue Richard to no end. It's like the words are caught out of his own life, especially considering how Rook doesn't have any children and is a journalist, not a novelist. But, despite these continuity errors, something about this story begs Rick to read it. When he glances at the author, and sees it is written by one of (if not) the best writers on the Richard Castle fanfiction forums, Jo1999, the decision is made.
Instantly, Rick notices something different about this story. It isn't set at Nikki Heat's precinct, but at the twelfth. That seems odd. Next, the murder case being closed is eerily familiar to one Beckett closed not three weeks earlier. As well, no names are mentioned yet. Castle shrugs it off for a minute and continues reading past the first paragraph.
The boys have gone home, and the author had left when the paperwork had begun. Before he would stick around, make jokes, lighten up the mood during the boring filework, but not anymore. He is rarely around anymore. Perhaps it's because – no, she doesn't dare to think it. She can't.
Running out of reasons to stay at her desk, the detective gathers her things to go home. But she doesn't want to go home. It's cold at home, lonely. And she can't sleep there anymore. She can barely sleep anywhere.
Maybe working herself out until she collapses will finally bring about sleep tonight. So, instead of heading home, the detective takes the elevator down to the workout room. She heads to the change room, puts on her sports bra and booty shorts and wraps her hands up with the appropriate tapes. It's so late, she doesn't expect anyone to be there, thus why care about proper workout room attire?
Yet, when the detective steps out into the room, she sees a punching bag already in use, the grunts from the man oh so familiar and sending shivering tremors down her spine.
"You know, this room is meant for cops only." She says, suddenly oh-so-aware of her lack of clothing.
"Yeah, well, I'm an honourary –" The novelist stops his reply as soon as he realizes who it was that spoke. "Kate."
Rick stops reading, his eyes bursting out of his head. Wait a minute, wait just one minute. This isn't Richard Castle fanfiction, stories about the amazingly brilliant characters the novelist wrote. This is Richard Castle fanfiction – stories about the amazingly brilliant novelist.
But, what? Who is writing fanfiction about a real-life person? Why would anyone do this? And post it on the Castle forums for goodness sake! And how does this writer know so much about his life? Instantly Richard turns back to the story, a little perplexed, a little intrigued and a little wierded out.
"I should go." Kate says, turning to head back into the ladies locker room. She is caught by a strong and firm hand on her arm and she can't help but shiver from the touch.
This isn't how it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to come up here, punch out her feelings until she collapses, nap in the locker room until it is early enough to go back to work, shower and head down for another day. He wasn't supposed to be here. She wasn't supposed to see him for another twelve hours, until she has cried her eyes out and told herself they can't be together yet. Until she can see him with a straight face, without crying, and without jumping him and kissing his brains out. Without remembering those three words he said to her when he thought she couldn't hear.
Eyebrows flying up, brain exploding with information, Richard stares at the screen. This couldn't be. He couldn't be reading this. But… could it? He knows she's a fan. And she knows what shipping means. And clearly reads this kind of stuff. But why would she post this if she didn't want him to read it?
Looking back at author's name, Jo1999, Rick suddenly realizes how stupid he is. Of course this is her. Of course she wrote this. And of course she would be his favourite writer. Johanna Beckett, murdered in 1999. Her daughter, Katherine Beckett, an avid Richard Castle fan and…
Richard goes back and reads the last line of the story. Without remembering those three words he said to her when he thought she couldn't hear. When he thought she couldn't hear? She couldn't be talking about… He has to stop reading this. He shouldn't be reading this. But he can't tear his eyes away.
"Castle, let go."
"You clearly need to work some things out, so how about I stay for a few minutes, hold the bag for you? And no, I am not trying to be dirty."
She can't help but smile at his smirk, the way he lights up her world just by being there.
"Yes, I need to work some things out." She mumbles, cursing herself when he hears and asks what it was she said. "Nothing, I just…" She can't think, can't breathe.
Suddenly Kate is completely aware of the fact that Richard Castle is shirtless, his toned upper body covered in a light sheen of sweat. No, she can't do this. They are both in so little clothes, and Kate is so worked up, if she doesn't get out of there soon something bad might happen. Or maybe something very very good.
As Kate turns to run back into the change room, his voice keeps running through her head. "I love you, Kate. Stay with me. I love you!" They won't leave, like a blessing and a curse tied into one. But when she is stopped by a muscular set of arms, and is pulled in to a warm chest, her mind goes fuzzy.
So this is what hugging a half-naked Richard Castle is like. A girl can get used to this. Kate silently scolds her brain for thinking in such ways, but when she ushers the courage to look up, she is greeted by two eyes filled with wonder and concern.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Please, just, tell me what's wrong." His pleading eyes beg for Kate to listen, and for once she can't bear it anymore. So, instead of answering, Kate closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and leans up to slowly kiss the novelist the way she has wanted to for the past four years.
To be continued…
Rick stares at the page. That's it, the end of the chapter. To be continued. That's all that's left.
He pushes his chair back from the desk and takes a deep breath. That was definitely a lot to absorb in a five minute span. He glances over to his iPhone, knowing said Detective is only a speed-dial away. But he can't.
She can't know he knows. And, though it was posted on the Castle forum, and though she knows he reads the forum when bored, what he read is deeply personal.
She knows what he said. She knows. And she wants to act on it. Clearly that is exactly what Katherine Beckett was writing in her small story. But he has to wait, let her be the one to be forward. Let Kate make the first move. Let Kate tell him herself. For if she knew he read this story, they may not have any future.
Knowing he can't do anything about it, at least not yet, and wondering how he will get through the next day at the precinct, Richard Castle turns back to his new chapters of Nikki Heat with a renewed passion.
And maybe, just maybe, in the near future Katherine Beckett will act upon her words and make her fiction a reality.
Thanks for reading my short little Castle story. This was burning a hole in my head the last hour. The things you write when you should be studying.
Let me know what you think! Seeing as this is my first Castle story... I love reviews, they make me happy! :)
And I am marking this as complete for now, as I don't want to lead anyone on with the promise of future chapters. If I do end up writing something (maybe what happens with Kate when Castle sees her again, or when she finally acts on the story), then I'll update this. But for now, I am really happy with it as is.
Have fun watching the new episode tonight! I am happy to have this out with a few minutes to spare!
Less than three, BrittJK
Update: GUYS, I caved. Chapter 2 is already pretty much written, 3 is in progress and 4 is started. Help me! I aparently don't know the idea of "Ending a story". But those four will be it. Probably. And I am not updating until I am completely finished, so changing this to in progress but you might have to wait a week or something :P
