Love's Mysteries ch. 1
I wonder what it would be like to have a normal life without having to constantly worry about others finding out about my secrets and how they'll affect the people around me because I always have to be careful. I'm constantly on edge and on alert about the people around me as who I let in on said secrets but there was a time that I could trust someone with them although it turns out that I couldn't trust them. Especially when that person turned out to be a hateful and manipulative skank, spreading my secret to everyone at school and making my time at my school a living hell. It got so bad that I had to transfer school and thankfully, I was able to turn things around and make true friends at my new school Hollywood Arts especially in one songwriter Andre Harris who had in over the last two years, becoming my best friend that a girl could ever have. You're probably wondering what could have possibly been so bad that made change schools but it was that bad because I'm not like most girls as you see I was born with a fully functional penis but that's not my only secret that I have.
When I was younger, my parent had thought that I was boy and that's what the doctors had thought at first but when I hit puberty, I grew breasts but big ones although they're there causing my parents to take me to the doctor to have them later to explain that I was an intersex. My mother had cried when they told her but not for the reason that you would think, she wasn't crying because now that had made my life even more difficult for the fact that while the doctor was running tests had revealed that my Dad wasn't really my Dad as the truth of her affair with another had came into the light. Dad was furious with Mom for hiding that lied to him for sixteen years and he no longer wanted anything to do with her or me for the matter cause I wasn't truly his daughter, taking Trina with him in the divorce as the only times that I get to see her are only on my birthday and the holidays plus at school.
She doesn't know about goes on when I'm alone with Mom the rest of the year and it's pure hell as the divorce sent her on a downwards spiral, drinking heavily, constantly blaming me for ruining her life as well as her marriage, going out partying as she leaves me to fend for myself but the worst is when she doesn't go out. When Mom decides not to go out is when the nightmare starts, she yells and berates me on my looks, singing, my acting or anything that she can use to put me down and it's not like I didn't already have low esteem as it is. The worst of it was when I tried to stand up for myself then she would slap me hard across the face followed by her unleashing her pent up fury on my body, leaving me sore and bruised but I cover them up with makeup so no one would get suspicious. She recently started dating this guy named Marcus who's as sleazy as they come, wearing tight leather pants and shirts that are way too small on his body, always staring at me when my mom's not looking with this creepy look on his face and what's worse that he's always trying to get me alone with him.
I never felt so uncomfortable around someone but every time I'm in his presence, I don't want to be and he's always talking about how my mom is in bed, making me want to throw up in my mouth. Marcus is almost always here at the house instead of his own place that he claims that he has in Santa Monica but I find it hard to believe as he mooches off of my mom's money, eating up all of the food and I want him gone but I know that it's not going to happen. I try to stay out for as long as I can because I don't want to be at home and I keep what my home life is really like a secret because the last thing that I need is for someone to pity but unfortunately I couldn't keep it under wraps for long when my best friend Andre found out about Mom's drinking problem. He was starting to get suspicious about me staying out so much and why I was acting differently as I often told him that I wasn't acting different but he never pressed for information until one day we had an assignment for our R&B class.
I wasn't expecting him to come over to my place that morning but he did, walking in on me cleaning the mess that Mom made the previous night by bringing her friends home to party the night away and leaving me to clean up the beer cans and bottles as she sleeps off the alcohol. The song-writer noticed that I was quieter than usual, avoiding eye contact as I swept the floor but thankful he didn't say anything as he joins me in cleaning the place although I knew that I owed him an explanation. After the living room is cleaned and made sure that Mom was taken care of, I explained everything to Andre and to say that he was pissed would be an understatement as he wasn't happy that my mom would do this to me and offered me a room at his grandma for when I needed to get away from the all of the craziness. I laughed a little because it would like moving from one crazy to another as his grandma isn't all the way there most of the time but I told him that I appreciated the offer as things remained the same at school which I'm thankful for but there's only one problem.
It comes in the form of a curvaceous, snarky thespian by the name of Jade West or the Wicked Witch of the West as some may call her but to me, I think she's the most beautiful girl in the world although she likes to take every opportunity to tear or put me down every time it presents itself. I just can't help but want to get closer to the playwright but she constantly pushes me away with biting remarks and insults as she has every right to do because why would she want a broken freak like me around her even she comes to me every time that she and Beck break up. It hurts me to see them together and honestly I don't think that he deserves her even though the actor is my friend but I know that I can make Jade a lot happier than he can although she wants him and if she knew the truth, it'll only prove that she deserve better.
I found myself walking towards the gang's usual table at the asphalt café and there was Jade sitting alone, angrily stabbing her burrito as the air around gave off this intense and off-putting feeling. Any sane person would steer clear of the obviously annoyed girl but I could just walk away without knowing what caused her to be like this and not offer my assistance to her as I walked over towards with my lunch in hand, smiling sweetly as I sit down across from her.
The playwright looks at me with those beautiful bluish green eyes and a scowl on her flawless face, showing that my presence was unwanted and undesired at the moment but I couldn't bring myself to leave because I could see the hurt underneath the anger that she displays to the world. Before I could even say anything, Cat comes bouncing up to the table and tells us yet another story about visiting her very unusual brother in the special hospital he's in followed by Andre and Robbie who's holding Rex but there's one person missing. I looked around to find when a voice captures my attention.
"Stop acting so desperate, Vega. He's not here" Jade said glaring at me.
"W-What? I'm not-I dont" I stammered.
"Beck's not here. He's probably playing tonsil hockey with one of his many fan girls at this school" Jade said taking another stab at her burrito. "But that's to be expected"
"What do you mean?" I asked furrowing my eyebrows.
"Didn't you read The Slap this morning? Power couple Jade and Beck are history. I love it!" Rex laughs.
Jade snatches the puppet from Robbie before throwing it as far as she could when the puppeteer frantically runs to retrieve him as the thespian gets up, leaving without a word. Part of me is telling to leave her, to give her space but a bigger part of me is telling to get up to check up on her which I listen to as I got up to follow her inside of the school and somehow I managed to lose sight of her as I was about to turn back when I heard voices from around the corner.
I pressed myself up against the wall but peeked around it to see that it's Jade and Beck as he looks at her with this exhausted yet understanding look on his face and I know that I shouldn't be listening on their conversation but I couldn't bring myself to do it especially after my name escapes the actor's lips. The playwright looks at her now ex-boyfriend like he had slapped her before looking down at her combat boots.
"You can't keep doing to her, Jade. She doesn't deserve it and the both of you deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy"
"She'll be much happier with someone that doesn't have a lot of baggage clinging to them" Jade scoffs.
"You should see the way that she looks at you. If someone told her that you were the earth rotates around the sun, she'll believe it but you should give her a chance to make the decision for herself and maybe she'll love you back" Beck said smiling sympathetically.
"Oh come off of it, Beck. She's been making heart eyes at you since she came to this school"
"That's not how I see it but it's up to you if take the chance although I hope that you do" Beck said kissing Jade on the temple before turning to leave.
"I'm… sorry about everything" said Jade after a moment.
"I know but hey no hard feelings and it doesn't change the fact that you'll always be my best friend" Beck said smiling.
I watched as Beck walk past me, leaving me alone with my thoughts because I couldn't believe that Jade could be a lesbian or that she might have feelings for someone at the school with her ex-boyfriend knowing about it. Is that the reason they broke up? Because Jade has feelings for a girl. Who does Jade like? What is she like? What does she look like? Alyssa Vaughn? That brunette from her screenwriting class Hailey Chu? That blonde Ryan Campbell from the play that last semester? There's plenty of girls that Jade could have her eye on but it seems that the girl has eyes for Beck. I can't help but feel even more worthless than I do right now and undeserving of Jade as I finally pushed myself off the wall before turning the corner when I collided with someone, falling on top of them with my face on something really soft and squashy.
"Seriously Vega? You're trying to motorboat me in the middle of a fucking hallway"
I pushed myself up onto my elbows to see Jade glaring at me underneath me as my face heats up and my not-so-little friends stirs in my pants, deciding that it wants to make its presence at this particular moment. The shocked look on the playwright was enough to make feel utterly disgusted with myself, hating that I have no control over my urges especially when it comes to Jades as I often found myself having wet dreams with her being the star in all of them causing me to wake up every morning painfully hard.
I pushed myself off of her before sprinting out of the school, running the eight miles it takes to get to my house and I didn't stop for anything. I ran into my room, locking the door behind me as I slid down it all the way to the floor, pulling my knees up to my knees as the tears roll down my cheeks knowing that it was only a matter of time before one of my deepest, darkest secret is all over The Slap but what's worse is knowing that I'll never be able to have Jade the way that I want her. If revealing my secret to everyone make her happy than I willingly accept the harassment and the hell that I'm going to endure tomorrow but I hope that at least my friends will stick by me cause I know that Andre will.
I don't know how long I sat against my door until I hear someone pounding on it as I scrambled onto my feet to open to find the most shocking person on the other side of it… Jade. She pushes her into my room, looking around before turning to face me fully as she sits down on my bed, leaning back on her hands then crossing one leg over the other sexily and I don't think that she knows what she doing to me.
"Okay spill it, Vega. What the hell is going on?" Jade asked raising an eyebrow.
There's gonna be one more chapter but first fanfic of the new year and don't worry, I'm gonna get back to my other stories soon, I promise.
~Nicole The Dragon Rider signing off
End of ch. 1
