I wasn't planning on beginning a new story while still working on 'Into my past' but the last episode and the finale got me thinking and this is the result.
Please tell me what you think!
Usual disclaimers still in force.
The silence inside the room is broken but a gigantic thunderclap and it nearly scares her shitless. She's been holed up inside this room and the dark curtains had kept the outside out and she had no idea that the promised thunderstorms had finally come. In the next minutes it is like all hell is breaking loose outside, but inside everything remains calm and quiet. A quick glance next to her confirm everything is still like it was before the thunderstorm. He had finally fallen asleep and is seemingly still sleeping peacefully.
The entire evening it had felt like the thunderstorm had been brewing on the inside, a silent but brooding Deeks being the centre point. He doesn't do silent and he certainly doesn't do brooding, but tonight both had found their way to her partner and she hadn't like it. Especially because she didn't posses the means to break him out of it. Had it been her, he would have known instantly what to do. But she had tried her best and be there for him and it seemed like it had worked. As the night had progressed he had calmed down and also opened up a bit more. Even to a point that the normal Deeks had peeked through from time to time. He still wasn't alright, but she hoped a good night sleep would help him recover and see the world into a better light.
Monica Davies had been the reason why her partner had spend his night questioning himself. She figures she'll never become Monica's best friend and after today she totally doesn't feel the need to. The way Monica had managed to cut through to the bone had killed her but there was nothing she could do about it. She could only witness it and prayed he would keep it together. He did, on that level he was far more stronger than she will ever be. But then again she's never been put in this situation, she' s never been put to the spot and questioned about her motives. Only one time there had been one who had questioned her moments somewhat, but then Hetty had come to her aid and her consoled her. She figures that tonight even Hetty's words wouldn't have been able to help him, to see clearly again.
He had been so worked up, so caught up in his actions and their consequence , that she had been afraid for the future. She still was, what if he decides he can't do it anymore, the lies and the secrecy that surrounds this work, their life? What if he truly wants that normal life, being able to do normal stuff without having to worry that someone will find out who he truly is? She can't think about that, she can't think about the fact he would one day disappear from her life and leave her alone. She knows that their job is dangerous, that they risk their life every day. And yet he had been willing to make a promise both know he probably can't keep. Yet she also knows he'll do his utmost best to keep it. To think he can succumb to the stress and the questions, she couldn't bare it. But she did, tonight it wasn't about her and about what she could stomach, but it was about him and about his feelings.
She didn't like the fact that he kept going on about something Monica had planted in his mind.
'It's nice to have a friend like Max.'
Yeah they blamed their aliases, because it were those persons that actually did the things, told the lies and made people believe things. Deeks became Max when needed, but in the end it was Max who did seduce Monica, who told her the lies and made her believe in things that didn't exist. She had tried to convince him off it and maybe she had succeeded in her task. But then again she didn't have a clue what it was like. Monica only knew Max, she never met Deeks and when she did it was already too late. She had made her mind up and there had nothing to be done about. He had been in this position before, the whole lie he had spun on Nicole. It had been more complex then the Monica case but also in that story real and fake had blurred and he been left to pick up the pieces.
But there were also other motives in play, motives entire of her own, one she couldn't speak about to others. Perhaps she could to him, but she hadn't. Maybe because if she did, they would open another can of worms and one she wasn't sure she could deal with.
'You got the real deal'
Monica had said to her and then she had added if she could ever fully trust him. She did, she trusted her partner far more then she trusted herself or anyone else for that matter. He was there for her, every time she needed a helping hand, a encouraging nod he was there. Their partnership had been built on trust and knowledge. Yet he didn't tell her everything, just like she didn't tell him everything and perhaps that had been what Monica had picked up on. There were things she never told him, never could tell him because it scared her. But that was also the problem that stood between them and perhaps the reason why Monica and Kensi would never be best friends.
Monica knew what it was like to be charmed, to be seduced by Deeks. Only she had known him as Max. Monica probably had been able to fall asleep next to him and wake up to him in the morning. Monica knew what it felt like to be able to kiss him when she wanted, touch him when she wanted and probably where she wanted. She had no idea how far they took it, what he needed to do to get her on his side, but she didn't want to know. She liked to think he would keep some boundaries and held some respect to her.
She wasn't sure she deserved that respect. There was nothing he had to respect. They worked together and were close friends, but nothing more. She told him that over and over again. Yet she couldn't keep the green eyed monster under control and couldn't help but wonder how it would feel if she had been in Monica's place and she had been at the receiving end of his charm. She knew he would give it to her in a heartbeat if she asked for it. She knew how he felt about her and to be honest it scared her. Recently other idea's had crept inside her mind, had somewhat taken hold of her thoughts and her feelings.
Lying down next to him in bed, she pulls him close. He automatically reacts and snuggles even closer. Maybe, just maybe she has to give in, let her heart take over from her mind and give in to her feelings. After all she deserved a good life, a happy life and in their occupation you never know what tomorrow could bring. And yes, even she, even Kensi Marie Blye deserved her shot at happiness.
It'll probably a three shot, this one being the night of the 'parley' episode.
The second should be about the finale if I can find the courage to watch it. Last time around I waited untill the first episode of season four aired before watching the season 3 finale :) But then I had to wait on the dvd before being able to see the entire season and the wait between the two hadn't been that long and the review gave me enough to somehow know what had happened.
If I don't find the courage, it'll be about what I figured would have happened and need for the last chapter. That one is already written, so if you wanna know, you know what to do!
