Of Love

The rain came down fast and hard, hitting Ed with full force as he ran through the dimly lit streets of Central city. There was a cramp in his side, the rain water had soaked through his boots and he could barely see in the glum darkness that surrounded him.

There was a loud clap of thunder. Ed jumped and ran for cover, hiding under the tiny bit of roof that jutted out from a house with only a single light in the window. He peered inside and saw, to his astonishment...

...Roy Mustang.

His jaw dropped.

His mind was instantly filled with images of the inside of the house, warm and comfortable. Acting without thinking, he knocked on the door, then watched through the window as Roy got up with a sigh.

The door creaked open and Roy stared down at him, his face twisted with confusion.

"...Ed?"

"Yeah. Can I come in?"

Roy nodded and let Ed inside, closing the door behind him.

"...New place?" Ed said, looking around warily.

Roy nodded. "Yeah. Just moved in."

"It's nice."

There was a short, uncomfortable pause.

"So," said Roy. "Where's Al?"

Ed stared at his feet. "He...Got lost on our last mission. I couldn't find him...I'm going to look again, but..."

Roy nodded sympathetically. "Don't worry; he doesn't die easily. I'm sure he's fine."

"But what if he's not?" Ed asked, his voice nearly a whisper. Roy smiled.

"Like I said, don't worry. I'll help you through this." He pulled Ed up to his chest and kissed him with one quick, strong movement. There was lots of tongue action.

"I love you," said Ed.

"I love you," said Roy.

"...Okay. That's enough." Ed pulled away and spit on the floor. Roy grabbed a bar of soap that was conveniently placed nearby and started scrubbing his mouth vigorously.

"Blech! Fuck! That was disgusting! Even worse than when theretard made me flirt with you!"

"Well, I thought it was pretty funny when you started flirting with him," Al said, stepping out of the closet.

Ed grumbled something incoherent under his breath, then turned to face the readers. Yeah, I mean you. Listen up!

"Okay, so there you have it! Theretard5892 just wrote her first- and last- RoyEd fic! I know for a fact that yaoi fans read her shit, and, of course, they all want some RoyEd from her. SO THERE YA GO. THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GETTING. I'M NEVER GOING ANYWHERE NEAR HIS MOUTH AGAIN, GOT IT?!"

The readers all nodded, except for a few stray yaoi fans, which jumped onto the stage and tried to force Ed and Roy's mouths together. They were shot with tranquilizer darts, dragged away, and fed to a pool of angry music teachers.

Then Ed took off his shirt and gave hugs to fangirls for the low low price of $58.92!!!

THE. END.


Sorry for that…Yaoi fans, you may ignore the second half of this fic. Yaoi haters, you may ignore the first half of this fic. Now we're all happy!

Edit: Alright, everyone, I seriosuly AM sorry. I've gotten more than one review for other fics bugging me about making fun of yaoi. Seriously, I'm glad that those reviewers haven't found THIS ONE yet. *shudders at the thought* They'd stab me through the heart and roast me over an open fire.

If you're a RoyEd fan, go read some real RoyEd and leave me alone. Please? Those scary threatening reviews make it hard to sleep at night.