Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. That title belongs to DC Comics and all its affiliates.
Healing Betrayal
I just kissed Tim. I just kissed Conner's best friend.
What have I just done?
I should never have done it, I know that I should never have done it. It is an insult to Conner's memory to go around making out with his best friend, but I couldn't help it. We were having one of those moments in life where affection is the only way that you could possibly channel your emotions.
But is it even possible that I had actually... wanted to kiss him?
No, of course it's not. That's such a stupid thing to even think. I still love Conner, I have ever since I first met him and I'm afraid that I always will.
How could I even think that? I'm not afraid of loving him. Actually, I embrace it. Conner, wherever he is now, is still in my heart and will stay there. It's just... it's so hard loving someone that's dead.
I want Conner back just as badly as Tim does, maybe even more than he does. But this cloning thing... this is just wrong. There was only one Conner, and even though he was a clone himself, there can be no one that is equal to him, not even a genetic match.
But Tim is so desperate to have him back. Kind of like me.
I once thought that I would do anything, anything at all to have Conner back. Now I'm not so sure. I mean, yes, I want him back so much that sometimes there is a physical pain in my chest. But maybe this is the way that things are supposed to be. Maybe things were supposed to be this way. Maybe the Fates decreed it long before Conner was born.
This is just so confusing. I just kissed Conner's best friend. It's an insult to Conner's memory, a act of treasonous betrayal.
I want Conner, but I want Tim. I have to let go of Conner... but I can't. Did I kiss Tim simply because he is the closest thing to Conner that I could ever have again... or did I kiss him because I wanted to?
I don't think I'll ever have the answers. Not when I'm trying to heal this betrayal.
A/N: I did love the Tim/Cassie relationship (because Tim Drake is amazing and he needs a strong girl), however short it was. The scene shortly before this story is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever read. And I've read a lot. You just feel so badly for both of them, you know?
